Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 26, 2022

Pig understands show business.

Now, just go sit in a corner and happiness will come to you.

May you be as happy as I am holding your money

Fortune tellers of all stripes will never tell you anything that can be easily measured and quantified. That’s so they can claim success no matter what happens, and there’s no way to demonstrate they were wrong.

Looks like Pig has a fortune making idea on his hands (hooves)

Scene from Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In. Man goes to fortune teller. Teller says “You will meet a woman, she will give you bad advice and take your money.” Man pays fortune teller and teller says, “This thing is starting to work.”

And manipulation is underrated.

The best fortune tellers are highly skilled at picking up cues from their customers’ reactions to what they say and using those cues to guide what they say next.

Some folks have the talent and give it out for free!

The secret to true happiness: do not want what you do not have, and be thankful for what you do have.

A little inaccuracy can save a lot of unhappiness.

My crystal ball tells me Hurricane Ian is going to be a problem for us on the gulf coast of Florida. :(

Happiness comes from within.

A politician

I believe that some people DO have broader and genuine cerebral abilities. The hard part for me is telling the fakes from the real.

The crystal ball didn’t say a word about the future or otherwise. It was Pig who was doing all the talking. Who knows? The crystal ball could have been accurate and Pig misinterpreted it.

Rat is literally incapable of happiness. He’ll be miserable for the rest of his life, so he ain’t buying it.

If I was a fortune teller, I’d tell everyone that they will have to pay taxes.

Went to one, once! She did not know me from Adam. I came away with the heebeejeebees! So there!

“Accuracy Is Overrated” – The Fox News motto!

Looking for the self-fulfilling prophecy. “He said I’m supposed to be happy, so I must be happy!”

Fortune tellers usually give themselves some safeguard by stating that they are only advising you and that the future is still dependent on the choices you make. They also offer optimistic predictions as most people prefer these.

“You will attend a party where strange customs prevail”

I see in your future that you’ll be a dollar poorer.

Precision over accuracy when precision is needed.

Never tell anybody the only truth thats for sure: You’ll die some day – in the moment maybe you may add: you’ll get Covid sooner or later.

My wife and I were visiting Salem Massachusetts and walked by a Fortune tellers place. My wife was a little ahead of me and the fortune teller was standing outside and started talking to her. When I came up she stopped talking and went inside. Proof she was pretty good.

Pig’s crystal ball has a nickname: ballot box; and wasn’t Pig’s prediction what every politician has uttered? “Vote for me and you’ll be the happiest I’ve ever seen”

Reminds me of the speaker at the New Age convention: “Anyone who thinks he has psychic powers, raise my hand.”

You are right, nobody wants more bad news!!!

The Magic 8-ball is supposed to be Black

Sounds like one of those parents who don’t want their kids to loose at a game or sporting event so they decide everyone wins no matter what. Then they don’t understand why their kids are so spoiled.

It sounds like what politicians say will happen if they’re elected.

In his own simple-minded way, Pig states the case for compassion. Love one another….