The Born Loser by Art and Chip Sansom for December 30, 2022

Spendthrift!

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Six of his relatives gave him fruitcakes for Christmas. He’s only looking for a easy way to get rid of them and hoping his employees are gullible enough to believe the Chief was showing a rare moment of generosity.

From the head fruitcake.

Despicable as ever.

Veeblefetzer was found dead beneath eight hundred pounds of fruitcake.

I have missed life! I have never had a fruitcake (besides family) in my house, just never happened. And NO, you can’t have my address!

well, so long as its a FESTIVE fruitcake

How thoughtful. How did he know I have a door that won’t stay open?

There are enough of them to use their cakes to brick up his door.

Sweets to the sweet and…

Years ago I worked at a hardware store. A few weeks before Christmas the owner of the local bakery came in looking for some Portland cement. I couldn’t resist. I said “Now we know the secret ingredient that goes into his fruitcake.”

Umm, fruitcake!

Depends on where the fruitcake is from…knowing Veeblefester, it is probably from 10-15 years ago and the depths of a defunct five and dime warehouse.

Or a subscription to the jelly of the month club. The gift that keeps on giving all year long. This month: Toe Jam

…and a sprig of holly to stab through your heart.

This reminds me. Who was it in history that said when told, "Your extreme majestic highness! Your down-trodden working-class people don’t have enough bread to eat!”, “So? Let them eat fruitcake.”

I take it you got a lot of fruit cake from your family… or ruining others day most like. :\

Oh, joy!

Please check the org chart and note only middle management and up will get a two year old recycled bow for their loaves.

what is that saying – It is the thought that counts

The birth of re-gifting.

from walymart produce section

I admire Brutus and his 6 equally disappointed looking colleagues for having the restraint to not give Veebs a year end bonus right in that smug kisser of his.

Good ole Brutus Thonrapple, now he has a perfect present to give to Mother Gargle.

“Fruit? Cake? Sign me up!… Oh, Fruitcake? Um, I heard they were running out of Pucks down at the local Hockey Rink…”

In economic terms, the velocity of money is the number of times on average each dollar is spent. The velocity of money is usually around 4-4.2. The velocity of Christmas fruitcakes is around 49.

fruitcakes are really good if you warm them up

Obviously, bossman has found a good way to give a bonus and feel good about kicking his workers at the same time. My mother used to get an Ann Page fruitcake and soak in in wine before eating. (Ann Page was the store brand cakes of the great Atlantic and Pacific, A&P, grocery chain.) Brutus could soak his cake in wine, let it cool in the bottom the the fridge for a month and then enjoy as a dessert.

That he just got on a wholesale discount of 50% offon unsold discounted fruitcakes from a big box store. Merry Christmas. Don’t eat it all in one sitting….

And Feeblevester gets the cash bonus…

Fruitcake is the original WMD: Weapon of Mass Disgust.

I don’t see what the problem is, they can always be repurposed, as boat anchors.

You will also receive a one year membership in the jelly of the month club.

Living up to your reputation, Veeblefester?

We did learn that he can say “year-end bonus.” Maybe there is a little hope for the future.

Good old Veebs. He figured out what to do with all those Christmas fruitcakes he received from the company suppliers.

What ‘Rank’ magnanimity!!!

And no regifting among these employees…

NUTS!

As Veeblefester leaves for the weekend, “That’s odd…when I drove in this morning, my car’s gas tank and tailpipes weren’t filled with fruitcake.”

Last year’s left overs.

Severe punishment.

no jury would convict them, no matter what they do in response…

The old festive fruit cake trick……

Ah, yes! Fruitcakes are so much better when they’re festive!

That’s the gift that keeps on giving!