Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 26, 2023

Remember to save enough money for all these trips.

Pig gets granular about his final days!

It isn’ t an attractive prospect.

You forgot the poorhouse, Pig.

At my age of 82, I must admit that pig’s outlook is pretty realistic. But I don’t give a sh*t. I still drive my 2009 Nissan GT-R to the grocery store.

And afterwards, the barbecue pit.

Depending on the circumstances of death it is possible that at least one, or all three can be avoided.

1) courtroom

2) prison

3) electric chair

That is Pig’s bucket list before he kicks the bucket.

That’s a lot more realistic than most lists.

Let me die like a dog.

My grandfather liked to take shortcuts even for this: Instead of walking around he cut through the cemetery and broke his neck by falling in an open grave.

1) Slaughterhouse2) Butcher shop3) Kitchen

Afterwards, meat packing plant.

Well, at least he seems confident the Crocs won’t get him first.

He forgot a political rally

I’m surprised “Cheese Factory” didn’t make that list.

One place I would like to visit before I die is a mansion.

Oh, the places you’ll go.

4) Hormel’s

My man Pig is just being realistic. Perhaps list a nursing home on there.

Optimist, meet pessimist – or, optimist, meet realist, if you prefer.

Don’t forget the Funeral home. Well, you won’t be able to check it off.

I started my bucket list, I got a bucket.

There are other places I’d like to visit, but Pig has probably nailed it.

My favorite Jerry Seinfeld quote: " I made a bucket list, turned the “b” to an “f”, and was done with it."

1. Downtown.

2. Standing at a crosswalk.

3. Halfway to the other side of the street.

Goat thought it was Pigs bucket list, but it turned out to be another Pity- party list!

He forget to add “Places I won’t see once me dead…”, 1/ morgue, 2/ casket, 3/ cemetary/crematory—place your bet!!

Honestly at this point this is on Goat for ever making assumptions about what Pig is saying or doing.

4. Morgue

5. Funeral home

6. Grave

What about Oscar Meyer?

I don’t remember any of those from the book “Oh the Places You’ll Go!”

Depressing!!!

They’re must be some bs California law against The crocs in a comic

One, check! Two, check. Three, around the corner or during either my bed time or afternoon naps.

A friend of mine went through multiple rounds of chemo and radiation for cancer. Finally the doctors told him they couldn’t give him any more radiation – it was now doing more harm than good – and sent him to hospice to die

Six months later hospice kicked him out – he was in remission. It’s been several years and he is still cancer-free

I want to be walking in a beautiful park or other scenic place, smiling, happy, when something falls out of the sky and takes me out without my seeing it or feeling a thing. Bam. Just gone. No suffering, no worrying, no doctors, no hospitals.

Pig is achingly literal-minded. But, you know, accurate….

Pastis on depressants…

Lesson: we have two eyes and one mouth. Look lots, talk little and later.