Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 08, 2023

Goat, just tell Pig about throwing up after he eats all he wants.

Was the number 31 on Pig’s mind because of Baskin-Robbins?

Now that’s my kind of diet.

Try the bypass Pig, you know, bypass the fridge once in a while…

Ok, be a couch potato, but don’t eat a potato that’s sitting on the couch.

Take a shot of Ozempic. Diabetics and celebrities use that to lose weight nowadays.

Put 11 pounds of metal in your pocket, weigh yourself, and take the metal out. The next day, you’ll weigh 10 pounds less.

You should have already lost weight, with all the times you went to the Wise A. on the hill. Sorry but GoComics policy doesn’t let me write the A word.

Get sick and lose your appetite.

Liposuction???

So drinking from them red mug / blue mug works like the way taking em red pill / blue pill does eh.

One way for Pig to lose a few pounds of unwanted weight: Get rid of his housemate (aka Rat).

Amputation.

Tapeworm is #11

Fruits, veggies, sea food, chicken Brest and a little lean red meat, and NO fast food, accept on your Birthday.

That’ll be a while, Pig!

Easiest way? Get a haircut!

You can eat all you want and not gain a thing, long as it’s all vegetables.

Actually, regular exercise will help maintain weight, not lose it. The more we exercise, the more we eat. Don’t tell those clowns on bikes!

#29: Move to a planet with lower gravity…

Power Napping!

Pig, you’re perfectly proportionate for a pig of your age.

Food poisoning can invovle sitting.

He could lose 20 lbs of ugly weight by chopping off his head.

I’ve found the easiest (not best) way to lose weight is to get sick with something that causes nausea. Not only do you not want to eat, if you do, it comes right back up.

And for those truly desperate to lose weight, The Amputation Diet!

Diet and exercise does it, although it’s really tough when you hit a plateau!

Saw a story yesterday about a guy eating nothing but McDonald’s every day and not only losing weight, but getting healthier. He eats whatever he wants off the menu, Be it burgers, malts, fries, pies of McNuggets. His secret is he eats half of the order for one meal and the saves half for later.

What? No cheese?

Exercise is first.

Sometimes one really doesn’t want to find a way.

There probably are 30 good ways to lose weight. I just don’t know them.

Hard drugs. You can do them while sitting on the couch, lying on it even, and you should soon lose weight… Also your health, your dignity, your money, your family and your life but hey…

Last on the list:You will lose weight when you die

a little bit of each of the first two works fine

Sure, you can sit on the couch and lose weight. Just eat standing up, like, every bite, stand up! Lol!

Ozempic or equivalent. The rush makes diabetic life difficult. Or, a colonoscopy prep every day would do it too.

I lost 40lbs by taking a 30-45 minute walk at night AND sticking to the serving size! m.youtube(dot)com/watch?v=RuIQiNDQ0qA

It’s the food, stupid. I’ve lost 25 pounds in last two months by eating veggies and fruit and eliminating all flour products and sugar.

The couch one is perfect, just sit there and never get up to eat nor have anyone bring food to you and have poop/pee bags near you, you’ll absolutely lose weight…

Just go home, Goat. I doubt you’ll get anywhere with Pig today.

Doing nothing but sitting on the couch will make you lose weight – unless you have the fridge right next to the couch.

Keto, baby, that’s the ticket. And, Pig, you can eat all the cheese you want, and all the bacon. Oops!

Think that’s the five hundred fifty thousandth way, Pig. But gaining weight it’s one of the top two.

Give it up, Pig! Your “lifestyle” is not on the list!

Ah HAH! I HAVE been trying to lose weight. I just picked a really bad way to do it.

Turn the list upside down. It’ll save time.