Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for April 25, 2023

“From 2000 to 2019, an estimated 2,186 injuries related to helium inhalation were reported in United States hospital emergency departments. Most of the patients were male children between the ages of 6 and 12.”

“The majority of serious health issues and deaths related to helium inhalation involve inhaling helium from a pressurized tank. These are the same tanks used to fill helium balloons at events or party supply stores. Tanks not only hold a lot more helium than your everyday party balloon, but they also release the helium with much more force.”

https://www.healthline.com/health/inhaling-helium

Oh boy. Here come the fun police. Probably the same Debbie downer who took away pop rocks and exploding cigars. What’s next? Frog Applausian understated kittenishness? The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Be gone, you phony baloney Psychopomp, or I shall scream at you in my best munchkin voice! Suck on them plumage balloons.

Mickey’s fart another fun experience for you!

Wally Cleaver and Brother Beaver, flashback… Beaver you fart Goofey.

…do not let your helium balloons go free…

…it is bad for the farm animals…

…no no no no no…

…it’s OK, Grace…

…it was an accident…

…bye bye balloon…

…safe travels…

…don’t choke a goat…

…yes, Bobby…

…don’t choke a chicken, either…

…now, here, Gracie…don’t let gooo…

…goodbye second balloon…

…yes, Bobby..

…don’t choke a chicken…

…one more balloon, and that’s it…

…shut up Bobby…

…darn it Grace!…

…ok…

…everybody just let go of your balloons…

…shut up, Bobby…

…I am not choking your chick…

…everybody to the bus…

…say bye balloons…

…“Bye, Balloons!”….

It is best to remember that nothing is really safe. Everything can kill you, if you become careless. They train rats to detect land mines. They should train monkeys to detect helium-filled balloons. Should be easy.

Not to mention that Helium is a limited and dwindling resource needed for many important applications beyond party balloons.

I always look forward to reading the FA Public Safety Announcements. The one about the injudicious use of electric toenail clippers was particularly enlightening.

And who can forget the classic warning on the sadness caused by Laughing Gas addiction?

Well, there goes all the fun from my Birthday party!

Whipped Cream canister’s are a sure fun thing. Point the nozzle w/can upright and fill your lung to maximum capacity. When the wait staff goes to pour on the cream, they bellow real loud, “Who sucked the gas from the whipped cream, it doesn’t have a lot of consistency and flopped out”?

LOL

Exposure to helium can cause iphones to malfunction too.

Couldn’t they have gotten a different spokescreature for this PSA than a xenomorph dressed like a judge? Although it IS rather attention-getting.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

This creature puts the “F” in FUN …!

( the Devil you say! )

Forget the helium! I recommend hydrogen gas for the kiddies balloons. Let them suck on that for awhile!

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My Favorite Part™ was ☠

True but you miss out on the joy of Woody Woodpecker.

It is a little known fact that Froglandia was once visited by J. R. R. Tolkien. He use the marshes and lava fields as partial inspiration for his Mordor, with the bogs and swamps inspiring the Dead Marshes nearby to the Dagorland plain. Mt. Doom was entirely imagined, a representation of the heavy pall of war and destruction he experienced as a soldier in WWI. This particular Froglandian balloon vendor, in traditional Froglandian balloon vendor garb, inspired not only the Nazgûl, but also the song Levon, by Elton John, who also ventured into Froglandia on at least one occasion. The history of Froglandia is rich with such happy accidental coincidences.

Behold, not to worry, PSA-er! I do not “do” party balloons—not in any sense of the words. Helium poisoning is a funny-sounding way to go, though….

‘Helium makes balloons high, so it must work on people the same way, right!?’

Brought to you by the Association of Reading Other People’s Minds

…oh!! Is that REALLY what the Grim Reaper looks like, beneath his hood!?