Breaking Cat News by Georgia Dunn for January 24, 2024

Introducing another new character, Mr. Allen Wrench.

All things created, from nothing, using an allen wrench are cursed. And where there’s an allen wrench there will be leftover parts that no one can explain. And instructions that can only be read using some sort of rosetta stone!

Cursed at, in that case, definitely.

Allen wrenches can be handy for wheelchair maintenance. Alas, they’re most often used to put together IKEA furniture.

Mr. Allen Wrench has no sense of direction. He keeps getting lost in my house.

So it’s cursed and doomed.

I got some furniture recently that required assembly. I used my own driver rather Mr. Allen.

Since the desk is in a comic, it’s more like artifiction…

They’re really going to be confuzzled when the Woman spends a lot of time at the deck, trying to ignore them…

Look like somebody got new table from aMewzon eh.

Allan seems nice, but he’s no Mr. Good Wrench.

REPEAT O.T. FROM YESTERDAY RE: piwismom

Was asking if anyone has heard from piwismom, then I did some searching and see that her last comment was 2 months ago. Really hope she is OK, sending out much love to her.

The satanic intent is especially clear when the allen wrench IS INCLUDED WITH THE THING!

How does Burt know about the secretarial? Has he ever been inside the BPH?

We all know why the cats say it’s cursed…they watched the woman put it together! Put slot A into part 2897z with hex screw #86…what the @$*#!!?!

For some reason I’ve always been successful in putting things together. Maybe it’s my engineering mindset, or that I’ve sewn since I was a kid. Maybe it’s that I actually follow the instructions.

Husband builds motors for a living and a hobby. We have every tool imaginable. Do you think I can ever find one when I need it?

Does Ikea sell drafting tables? I could dust off my old t-square. But I prefer using CAD for these last few decades. No cats spilling inks, and swatting my pen nibs under the couch, shredding my drafting papers, and worst of all swatting at my pen while I’m drawing or trying to sleep on the plotter when I am trying to use it (actually that still happens), they couldn’t care less about the 3d printers, and they get nice and warm.

Ms. Dovetail Joint rules over Mr. Allen Wrench and his weak assembly magic. She casts him into the ninth circle, to roast alive for all eternity, along with people who take up two parking spots and those who talk in the theater.

Huh. I’ve never heard of an Allen wrench, but I feel like I’ve seen something like what Puck’s holding. I can’t remember where.

I, for one, love the Woman’s old cursed artifacts. They are not particularly cat friendly, but they are cool.

Imagine desk so cruel, cats do

They think about it day and night, it’s only right

To find Mr. Allen Wrench who made things tight

So held together

If cats should climb on up, they’re gonna glide

But if they could stay happily, in bright sunshine

Imagine how their world could be, so very fine

Just nappin’ together

I can’t see them lovin’ things weird and new

For all their life

Be like Ora Z, baby, and always make do

For all your life

So happy whatever!

- Alan Gordon / Garry Bonner – Happy Together – The Turtles

In the future, you’ll buy a house, and get a yard with 5000 pieces of lumber in flat boxes, and 1 Allen Wrench.

Meanwhile, Back on the Nile

Sophititi: Thank you all for testing our Space Time Fabric slide.

Maat-Tilda: It all went splendidly. We will make it available to everyone after making a few embellishments.

Beatrixia: Where will you keep it?

Arachna Spider: I’ve woven a special web to hang it on.

Iggy: It sounds like a real blessing. Elvis, did you ever hear about the cursed compass in your Dancing Corsair days?

Elvis-Anum: Yes. Even now I still hear about it.

Ora Z: Ooh, tell us about it.

Elvis: Well, the story goes that the captain of the good ship Innovation wanted to navigate to far off places. He knew he needed a first rate device for navigation.

Iggy: And he decided he needed the best compass available.

Elvis: Correct. The only problem is compasses hadn’t been invented yet.

Iron Glove: Then what?

Elvis: He heard that compasses actually did exist in China. Only trouble was he didn’t know how to navigate to China to get one.

Wally: So did he ever find a compass?

Elvis: Yes. He used a lot of language that I won’t repeat. Then he heard the sound of giggling in the background. Lo and behold, there was a compass!

Lupinium: So why was it cursed?

Elvis: If you heard the language he was using, you wouldn’t have to ask.

Mr Allen Wrench – I and he are well aquainted!

And just when you think you got it your realize its not an allen you need but actually a torx, ugh

Don’t forget that the instructions will have been written by someone with a poor grasp of english and possibly all other languages as well.

Is it a Steve Allen wrench?

Ah yes, Mr. Allen Wrench, a crafty, creative fellow if there ever was one. He went into business with a guy named IKEA and made a fortune with put together furniture of all types, tables, desks, chairs, beds, even book cases and cabinets.

It took Allen Wrench six tries to prefect a tool that would be convenient for putting things together. Six seemed to be the magical number for his tool, as six seems to be the average for most tools of this nature these days, and they fit into so many places with ease. They can come in many widths to fit into a seemingly endless size of receptacles. They are resilient and can be used over and over again, all thought the use of one can be tiring over the long haul, so a period of rest is recommended between uses to allow for muscle recovery.

Yes one should take good care of their Mr. Allen Wrench, keep it in a safe, dry out of the way place, out of harms way, and keep it clean and neat, as no one likes to handle a dirty tool. If you do so your Mr. Allen Wrench will serve you for many, many years to come.

I felt quite proud of myself when I assembled two new end tables last summer with nothing but a Hex Key. Also, when we moved into this apartment, my mother-in-law bought us a table and chair set from Ikea and Paul and I assembled it (I made him read the “destructions” (as he called them) ). It’s still holding sturdily together after 10 years; I use it as a desk now because nobody ever comes to dinner here.

Quotes from actual instructions I’ve read over the years:

“Craunch along the staunchon at the mashing together place.”

“Farb now the glimrod.”

I also have a can of spare hex wrenches—I never throw one out unless it’s damaged, then it goes into the steel recycling bin. I keep them so that if one of a set becomes damaged or worn, it can be replaced. They are also useful when something that requires frequent adjustment, but is used at some distance from the tool box. For example, I’ve lost and replaced the hex key for my saws-all, more times than I can remember.

I also believe that Mr. Allen was a mighty sorcerer. He had to be, to put a hex on so many things.

Not much of a talker, but Mr. Allen Wrench is a compelling fellow.

Just keep that cursed doll away from it!

I love The Woman’s cursed family heirlooms.

My wife had and used her dad’s drafting board for years. It had a cool cast iron base too. No Allen wrenches were used in its assembly. BTW, the socket head cap screw is a very cool fastener.

We have a Mr. Alex Wrench duct taped to a pipe under the sink because it is used to get the garbage disposer unjammed.

Waves to Mr Allen Wrench!

Or from nothing, but from a kit.

I cringe every time I see secretarial in reference to a piece of furniture instead of SECRETARY

I put together a futon frame where the only instructions were in Chinese. I figured it out.

I always loved putting things together. I have five items in my home that came un- assembled.

I have “re-engineered” most of the devices in our house (including our house), and including many of the tools I use. Never forget that the last design review for anything is done by an accountant, who does not know which end of a screwdriver to hold.

I-Keee-ahhhhh-ahh! (Sing it to the tune of “Ah, Leah” by Donnie Iris…and I deny to this day that I taught my kids to do that in the cafe while eating meatballs and cookies)

The Woman is combining her fantasy world with her real world of drawing this strip.

That’s wonderful, Georgia!