The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for March 14, 2024

Check them out before you agree to buy one, buddy.

More like half horses.

you should see them run an eighth of a mile

Are those Russian race horses?

How would you ride one of those??!!

What about whole horses?

The guy’s going whole hog to get the complete quarter horse.

Don’t bother. They’re half-fast.

Hmm, Quarter Horses are bred for sprinting short distances, i.e., a quarter mile.

Somehow that just looks wrong to me.

Got any high horses?

Didn’t Hopalong Cassidy have a quarter horse?

Did he bring a box of quarters; or are those chocolates?

HINDquarter Horses.

Just the breeding part is a good trick.

I can see why he wants the Kentucky Derby. His hat is ugly.

I’m pretty sure only thoroughbreds are allowed to run the derby. There are other races for quarter horses.

Lame as usual

Send in the Clydesdales (and that wagon they are pulling).

This reminds me of a joke on the old Hee Haw show:

“What’s the difference between a horse race and a political race?”

“I don’t know. What’s the difference between a horse race and a political race?”

“In a horse race, the whole horse runs.”

There’s two in their pens, that’ll bring him 50 cents…

It will cost more than limes

For quarter horses, they aren’t half bad.

Only two-year old thoroughbreds are allowed in the derby. I liked pacers better: two minutes for a mile race. Quarter horse races are like, “andThey’reOffTheWinnerIs….”. I like to lose my money slower than that.

And their nickel and diming me.

Umm, I have to ask. What’s in the box?

I envision a similar gag with a 17th-century warrior getting a “quarterstaff” much shorter than he expected.

The 50 cent horse became a rapper!

He’s going to need a leg up on this one.

You can have them 4 for the price of one.

It’s just a hobby of his.

Two-bit horses.

They’re at the pet food store.

They’re called quarter horses because they use two bits

3/4

Unfortunately this joke falls flat with anyone who knows anything about horses or horse racing. But, I suppose it wouldn’t make sense to a lot of folks if he’d said “I want to win the All American Futurity at Ruidoso Downs.” We Arabian owners enjoyed razzing the Quarter horse people by asking why would you want just a quarter of a horse when you could have an Arab?

Those look like the parts they threw away to make centaurs.