Pickles by Brian Crane for April 21, 2024

Studies show that numbers you cite from studies are no more effective than numbers you make up yourself. And if you’re wondering how many studies say that, it’s 87.

A black hole is a hole that is coloured black!

The sky is blue because it is the will of Landru!

My old neighbor had 2 grandsons, somehow they found me. So every afternoon they visited me until grandpa came home. I don’t know why! Both were curious ALL the time. The youngest I thought was quite bright but he changed. I dunno what happened. But last I saw him he was a waste (not drugs!)

What’s a black hole? Dot in your eyes. Why is the sky blue? Because it’s not green… good answers!

Lot’s of black holes in the roads around here, and they make people blue!

According to my research… That could work!

Warning to Kids: Never repeat “Grampa Answers” at school ! (—

I was willing to tell students, “I don’t know.” I had a dorm-mate in grad school who wasn’t willing to say that. He was teaching an intro level math class and had someone ask a question and Jack just pulled an answer from his rear end. He researched it after class and found he was dead wrong.

He started next class with, “The other day I gave you a technical answer that is beyond what you need for this class. The only definition you’ll require for this class is…”

Making your grandson stupider than he already is seems like a bad idea.

When you don’t know the answer to the question, you can also begin with “Some people say…”

My research shows that 5 out of 4 people are bad at fractions.

What Earl will find one day is a very disappointed grandson who has found the true answers to all those questions.

‘When you hang out at a Barber Shop… you’re going to get a haircut.’

Why is Earl sitting in front of a barber shop when Opal cuts his hair?

Calcutta used to have a black hole.

Earl, it’s more or less a tradition to tell tall tales to grandchildren! Go for it!

any time someone says “according to my research” I figure they’re lying.

Earl should have kept saying," I don’t know," and when Nelson got discouraged, say, “You’ve got to keep asking questions, that’s the only way you’ll learn anything.”

Sitting outside a barber shop reminded me of Joe and Neal’s Barber shop at Lincoln and Franquette in San Jose, CA in the late 50’s and early 60’s. Every Saturday, the barber shop was a gathering place full with about a dozen men waiting for hair cuts, no appointments, passing conversations and stories.

Here again, with the TWO panels in my local newspaper, not shown here. Panel 1: “Grampa, in the olden days, was everything black and white?” Panel 2: “According to my research, yes, color was invented by Walt Disney in 1961”.

It’s magic isn’t an acceptable answer so now I say it’s science

Just today an online health (well, so-called health) publication showed research linking eating eggs with early death, and their next article showed research on the wonderful health benefits of eating eggs.

Blue Sky: Main ingredient in U.S. Air Force Blue, but let’s not forget the pretty girl’s eyes. Time to replace my very faded touch of Old Glory blue too.

Isn’t that how Dad in ‘Calvin and Hobbes’ operated?

Be honored when your grandchildren come to you with questions. I see it as respect and embrace the opportunity to teach, or teach them how to get the answers I admittedly don’t know. Never lie to them just to appease their curiosity.

Look those things up on the internet, Nelson. You’re more computer savvy than your Grampa.

nice TRY

Offer to show him how to find answers instead of lying out of false pride.

So you tell your grandson, “Great question! Let’s look it up and find out…”

Studies and polls are done by “experts”. But who are the experts? I think they’re mostly self-claimed, as any one can claim to be one, without showing any credentials.