Herman by Jim Unger for May 28, 2024

Are we only talking a new Mercedes or are we talking a summer home in the Hamptons?

You’ll be getting unending bills in the mail from everybody that even looked at you!

His insurance company wants him to get 3 different check ups

Will it kill me? Will it cripple me? Will it go away on its own? Can you cure it? How much will it cost?

My old doctor had a sense of humor. I had an itchy rash on my belly. He examined me. Without saying a word, he started to write a prescription. After some time nervously I asked, “What is it doctor?” His reply. “You either have pityriasis rosea or secondary syphilis.” Then he ignored me and continued writing. Finally laughing, he said the rash will go away in about a week. Here is a prescription for an ointment to help with the itching.

My oncologist once told me that my cancer had spread to my liver—four tumors. I asked him point blank if I had cancer in that organ. But after an MRI on the liver it was determined that that it was not in my liver and had only spread to the lymph node system. After three surgeries I have been cancer free since October, 2000. Doctors do make mistakes. I had medullary thyroid cancer. My oncologist had arranged to have me get modified chemo. But alas it turned out that I did not need it nor radiation. It is a bit unnerving to be basically told that you are dying. I thank God that he had been mistaken!

Can anything be done? What can be done?

My youngest son was getting bounced from specialist to specialist and it wasn’t until his GP sent him for x-rays that his hip pain turned out to be a giant-cell tumor in his hip joint. Luckily, as it turned out, it was not malignant, but was a “first stage” disease that CAN turn into cancer if let go too long. He had surgery to replace his hip joint and hasn’t had any issues since. They’ve even stopped with the follow-ups. He’s still doing fine 22 years later.

“You have the 24 hundred dollar flu.”

Medicare creates Health Care deserts where hospitals cannot survive.

Just received my neurosurgeon’s bill.

Medicare approved .000396% of his bill.

Oh yes, my neurosurgeon is worth every penny he charged.

“That’s… $347 worth of damage to your body. Cash, or check?”

There’s a choice?

Whatever is wrong, the insurance won’t cover it and / or it’s not an available option.

Background art / prop:

Updated, modern-art Reaper’s scythe.

Keeps meetings short.

Must be a third world sh!t hole country without national health/single payer

Whenever I see a doctor wearing a mirror on his forehead, I get a second opinion

That will only make it worse.