Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 25, 2024

My wife has no problem ‘going’ in the woods. She just finds a tree to lean against.

The ladies of my acquaintance who also enjoy being in the at least GOOD if not great outdoors… know how to handle that issue just fine… with or without a potty (lots of times, if there IS a potty, it’s a stinker). It’s also true that they tend to stay away from the very popular trails where such behavior is less … intrusive… than it would be if there were lots of people around.

It’s odd how often those who make walking in the great outdoors rather precarious, are also the ones who refer to it as “the great outdoors”. That said, stepping on someone else’s landmine does lead to uttering a variant of “oh, great”.

The signage is clever!

In fact the crescent-moon symbol on frontier outhouses was the symbol for the ladies facility in times when a lot of people couldn’t read. If there was a men’s room it had a star. But mostly there were trees and bushes.

Almost on subject:

Pfeiffer Beer – the one with the silent “P” – was the company’s real life print advertisement choice for years.

Then one day they introduced the ads to the radio. Evidently when they heard their catchline versus reading it, they were shocked.

And dropped the ad campaign ’quick as a whiz . . .

(’Sorry)

There is a local contractor who has a radio ad that says, “let us build you a deck so you can stand on it and pee in your yard!”. I turn the channel when they come on.

They also have an ad that says, “let us build you a fence so you don’t have to watch your neighbor pee in his yard!” Clever, but still, I change the channel.

I’m picturing and hearing the Aladdin Genie explaining the sign: If you need to pee you can go here, here, here,….here, ANYWHERE!!! (I miss Robin Williams)

I HATE peeing in the woods! I end up with wet shoes and a ton of mosquito bites!!!

And this is why the US Army issues female soldiers FUDD’s (Female Urinary Diversion Device). Let’s em pee, out in the field, while standing.

I’m surprised that there weren’t any Wiley bears!

What do they think women did before the invention of the outhouse?

Unbearable male privilege

Don’t worry, honie. When the guys must relieve #2, they’ll be glad there was an outhouse nearby.

Ahhh… The world is my urinal!

I’m reading the sign as a reference to the men-worse-than-bears meme. The girls don’t need the outhouse because they can’t pee in the woods. They need it because of male predators who would at the least spy on them.

Many years ago, I took my nephew into the woods near the soccer field that had NO facilities. I told him this was the only thing we could do that women couldn’t do easily.

Much as I hate to add to the notion that all men are perverts looking for a chance to peek at women relieving themselves (we don’t, that’s just gross), there was a case a while ago where some truly creepy perv was caught, in a Tyvek suit, in the tank under the outhouse. IMHO, they should have sealed the thing off and left him there.

Richard Pryor had a routine where he talked about going hiking in the woods with a young lady.

“You can just do it out here behind a tree. I won’t look.”

“No, honey, I’ll wait until we get back to the car.”

“You’re not gonna do ANYTHING in my car!”

My wife had managed to reach the age of 50ish and had never had to pee without the use of facilities, out in nature so to speak. But the time arrived when it was required and she had a couple of lady friends to help her. She managed to pee all over her shirt tail. I guess they forgot to inform her to pull it up out of the way. It was an interesting rest of the day.

There supposedly is one US historical site dating from colonial times, where there is a governor’s mansion, some garden buildings, and a fairly large outhouse that contains several seats along the walls. It is said that sometimes during sessions of speech making and discussion, the entire ‘privy council’ would adjourn for a ‘rump session’ – an all party tinkle and dump affair. Also available for ‘family input.’

When squatting out in nature, always double check you’re not near poison ivy!

Herinate and hisinate yourinate stations.

…the world is my urinal…

I’m just a novice hiker, but all the female hikers I know of either just squat in the woods or use a funnel designed to allow them to go while standing up.

I am writing a book, “101 Reasons Why I am Glad I’m Not a Girl.”

The number one reason: The world is your urinal.

Many of the reasons are silly like the one I just quoted, but there are other, more serious issues with being a woman than men encounter.

Ever notice how it’s mostly women that complain about everything? HidariMak’s plaint notwithstanding, most people don’t play the role of the bear in the woods.

I’ve got to hand it to women who don’t need the outhouse

Empty wide mouth jars are cheaper – fill / poor / rinse / repeat

This toon and photo reminded me of all those poor females at whatever sporting event that hafta line up by the dozens to use said toilet(s).

Except when I urinated outdoors, the Park Ranger gave me a $50 fine for it! No outhouse available.

This makes no sense. Women can go anywhere they want (in the woods) as well, especially when they’re wearing shorts – I’ve seen it done!

This is the one advantage to wearing long skirts. Women could squat in the woods with complete privacy.

I have spent my life as a dedicated indoorsman and do not regret it.

Ever spend anytime actually hiking in the wild??? Not a lot of facilities of any kind out there. Here’s a clue, if your cellphone still works, you’re not far enough out yet!

There is absolutely no reason to designate gender on a one-hole latrine. All they need is an inside latch so when in use the door can’t be yanked open. The latrines are all going to be disgusting inside regardless which gender used it last.

As far as going in the bushes— women can do it discreetly, though it’s always nice to have a ‘look out’ in case someone you don’t know happens along.

I remember coming home from a New Years Eve party when, at 2am, my sister and I needed the loo. We were too far from home, on a dark highway (usually) We opted to hang our behinds over a guardrail, while my boyfriend (now husband) stood at the crest of the hill with instructions to yell ‘car’ if one appeared.

And then there was the Cumberland National Friday practice day. A local sports car association put on a race at the nearby (closed) airport once a year. It had always been a two day event, but one year they decided to make it 3 days. They ran practice on Friday. Qualifying on Saturday and the races on Sunday. This was back in the day when most drivers didn’t have huge motor homes or trucks with their own private facilities. Everyone depended on porta-johns, for the obvious, and also as changing rooms.

But, as sometimes happens with all-volunteer organizations, the event planners got their wires crossed. They scheduled port-a-johns just like they had done in years past—for Saturday and Sunday only, nothing for Friday.

A solution evolved quickly. By unspoken, mutual agreement, an area of the paddock was designated ‘the bog.’ If someone asked where the johns were, they were instructed to “Walk in that direction. When you don’t see anyone close by, you’ve found them.” If you came across someone doing their business, you knew you were in the right place. You just turned your back to them and went about yours.

Watch out for that poison oak, girls! Especially once the leaves are gone in the fall/winter. The branches alone can do a number on one’s behind.

Pull up to your favorite tree and let’er loose.

I don’t know: female campers pee and poop in the wilderness just like men do, the only difference is they have to squat. If a park is gonna offer facilities for doing that, it’s kinda sexist to offer it only to women. Besides, every outhouse I’ve ever seen is gender-neutral.

I was a guard at a college. You can forget the sugar & spice myth. Ladies can strangle eachother while wearing each other’s bathing suits.

Wiley

You misspelt grate.

I’ve known of women/girls “going” behind a bush, just relishing the freedom that gives them.