Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 14, 2024

Pig maybe are not learn too goodly.

This is why Ms. Smith gave up teaching and went into the frozen pie business.

Pig must have had the same english teacher as Jeff Foxworthy.

That ain’t no good English.

And that’s why his teacher was at 2 packs a day and mixing meds with whiskey during lunch

Eye right goodly two!

Sounds about write to me.

Same class as Larry ?

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Eh maybe me is also should nots thanks me Engleesh teachers too. For me is no even writings it as goodly as Pig is.

An English teacher I had, her favorite saying was “Their Ain’t no such word” !

Slow is an adjective, but slowly is an adverb.

Quick is an adjective, but quickly is an adverb.

Rapid is an adjective, but rapidly is an adverb.

Fast is an adjective, so, would fastly be an adverb?

Hiz riting usta be much wurser.

Did he write that with a Sharpie?

Having an edjemication makes him feel imbiggened.

Just change it to “more gooder” and send it. It’s the thought that counts!

So Pig , Larry Croc and you had the same teacher ;-)

Ms Smith is an entitled privileged minority hired through the affirmative action initiative and bullet proof because they/them is protected by the teachers’s union and whole decks lf uncivil rights cards. Lots of them around, boy howdy, Or a football coach.

It are a nicely idea, though.

Dear Pig,

You want I should oughta learn ya how to talk English good?

Don’t feel badly about it.

Now he’s taking the Evelyn Woodhead sped redding course

All my secondary schools have long shut down, so I won’t be writing letters to my teachers anytime soon.

How bad was his writing that this counts as an improvement?

Maybe get an editor for it.

“Goodly” ? Obviously a word borrowed from tRumps limited vocabulary.

Well, at least “goodly” really is a word. It’s just used incorrectly here.

A goodly portion of Ms. Smith’s former students write better than this. So I would hope, anyway.

Well, you didn’t see the way pig wrote when he began the class.

She’s moved on and is now a flight instructor

He just wanted to thank her biggly.

It has been many years; therefore, Pig has forgotten a lot of what Ms. Smith taught him.

Look fellas, you can’t hold your Grade school teacher responsible for the bum you turned out to be.

As a former English teacher, I’d just be grateful someone still cared enough to write.

Reminds me a of recent story about a teacher that was arrested for being drunk in her classroom. It turns out there isn’t a law against that, but she still lost her job. I’d need more than booze to make it through a day in a room full of spoiled brats.

She’s give him a B- for goodly spelling.

Saw that joke coming a mile away.

Silly pig. Everybody knows its “most goodly”.

“Goodly” means either pleasantly attractive or significantly large. It’s an adjective, not an adverb.

Words ending with “ly” should be banned, especially in an election year

At the college I went to my first year, engineering students weren’t required to take English. The version of today’s gag I learned was, “4 yeers ago I couldn’t spel enjinear and now I are one.”

I remember that at one time someone wrote a manual to teach non-English teachers English. The title was “English as it is Goodly Spoken.” Maybe that was Pig’s textbook.

Pig’s just setting himself up for humiliation.

Pig could not have written a more gooder letter! letter. What he wrote was double-plus good.

if that’s more goodly, I’d hate to see what it was like before!

In a previous teaching job of mine, the students and I joked about how my penmanship on the white board could’ve been better. They told me I needed to write “more gooder” … always made me laugh.

At my age, most of the teachers I remember, especially those who had the most impact on my life, are gone.