Brewster Rockit by Tim Rickard for July 13, 2024

Now, how do you get the bullies, trolls and telemarketers to put an X on the top of their head?

Mar-a-Lago would be a good spot.

I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list

Of society offenders who might well be underground

And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!

There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs —

All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs —

All children who are up in dates, and floor you with ’em flat —

All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that —

And all third persons who on spoiling tête-á-têtes insist —

They’d none of ‘em be missed — they’d none of ’em be missed!

He’s got ‘em on the list — he’s got ’em on the list;

And they’ll none of ‘em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed

There’s the banjo serenader, and the others of his race

And the piano-organist — I’ve got him on the list!

And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face

They never would be missed — they never would be missed!

Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone

All centuries but this, and every country but his own;

And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy

And who “doesn’t think she dances, but would rather like to try”;

And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist —

I don’t think she’d be missed — I’m sure she’d not be missed!

He’s got her on the list — he’s got her on the list;

And I don’t think she’ll be missed — I’m sure she’ll not be missed!

The Judicial humorist — I’ve got him on the list!

All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life —

They’d none of ‘em be missed — they’d none of ’em be missed

And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind

Such as — What d’ye call him — Thing’em-bob, and likewise — Never-mind

And ‘St— ’st— ’st— and What’s-his-name, and also You-know-who —

The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you

But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list

For they’d none of ‘em be missed — they’d none of ’em be miss

1000% in favor of going full Beekeeper on telemarketers. Greatest movie ever. Better than John Wick and Pulp Fiction combined.

Not Mumbai, won’t someone think of the chai wallahs?

Mar-A-Lago.

I think he forgot e-mail spammers.

I remember Groucho doing this in The Mikado. Quite good as Lord High Executioner.

You had me at telemarketers.

“Bully” is a politically correct term because the nanny doesn’t like other words for stinky lower orifice.

If they were geographically concentrated in one area, you wouldn’t need the Internet. :)

How about the Kremlin.

So, you’re pointing them to Russia and Macedonia? That’d work. Just don’t miss and hit Ukraine as they need all the help they can get from the war criminal.

They are too widely dispersed. Might as well just send the asteroid elsewhere.