Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for August 23, 2024

Always Lines For The Restroom

I take a call from a customer:

Customer: “Hi, I was there about an hour ago and I think I left my credit card behind.”

Me: “Oh, I will check lost and found for you. What table were you sitting at?”

Customer: “Actually I think I left it in the bathroom. Can you check there?”

Confused, I tell her I will and then relay this to my manager.

Manager: “Oh, yes, I found that earlier. Tell Miss Brown that we have her card and that we’d ask her to choose another establishment to do her lines of coke.”

Ah… now it makes sense. I obviously didn’t tell her that, but wow, you really lose your innocence and naivety working in customer service!

Someone Isn’t Mourning Their Morning

A customer walks in looking tired and moving lethargically.

Me: “You okay?”

Customer: “I’m not really a morning person.”

Me: “It’s three in the afternoon.”

He looks at his watch and makes a sudden realization. His mood immediately improves.

Customer: “Guess I’m not going to work today!”

Self-Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself, Part 11

I see a couple with a basket waiting for the self-checkout area that I am currently managing. The guy notices that a regular checkout lane is actually open.

Man: “Hey, this checkout lane is empty. Let’s go!”

Woman: “No, it’s okay. Let’s use self-checkout.”

Man: “But there’s a line here, this one’s free. Let’s go.”

Woman: “No, it’s fine! I want to use self-checkout.”

The man takes the basket from her anyway and forces them both to checkout using the regular checkout. At first, I think this guy is being insensitive, what if she has social anxiety and prefers a non-human interaction at the self-checkout?

My sympathy for her is dispelled when I see them pass my section towards the exit, arguing in a loud whisper:

Man: “Well how was I supposed to know you were planning on stealing all that s***! Next time tell me!”

Thanks, dude! Now I’ll remember you both the next time you’re in my self-checkout area!

umm not quite sure about that myself sigh

I look better than I should at 75, not sure why. Must be genetic.

Amen. I’d look terrible.

Not true for some of us, Aunty.

Word!!

I’d hate to look like a car wash.

Freak of nature comes to mind.

“The Portrait of Aunty Gray…”

I look in the mirror and think…….I don’t look like I feel …….that bad!!!

True.

Aunty, you don’t look bad………..for an octogenarian.

well… some people don’t, anyway… (I’ve crossed paths with people half my age that look like they’re twice my age!)

Aunty you don’t look all that bad, for a dried up wrinkly old prune.

Many times we do…

You can thank the Lord for being with you and helping you through whatever you go through.

Wish I could say the same, Aunty!

I’m surprised you’re brave enough to look in the mirror.

The obits tell of younger people than me, dying of old age.