Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for September 19, 2024

Bathing In Sarcasm

My senior class trip is to a well-known amusement park that features a log-flume-style ride. I’m in the line when I overhear a woman in a group ahead of me speaking with a staff member. We’re almost at the front of the line, way too late to be asking these questions.

Woman: “Will we get wet on the ride?”

Staff Member: “Yes, absolutely!”

The woman pauses for a moment, clearly in thought.

Woman: “How wet?”

The staff member obviously has one of those moments where the internal filter fails.

Staff Member: “Have you ever taken a bath?”

tsk, you need more RAMs

Take your time!

Ooh, I can’t wait./s

Upgrade your hardware.

I had an unmarried aunt who thought her sarcastic comments were clever. She was that way even with her other nephews. I wondered why she was like that. When I was older, that kind of behavior did not impress or entertain me. I always just remembered the mean things she used to insinuate when as a child I could not reply in response. If adults can be considered snotty, that what she was. She died a few years ago, and that’s unfortunately mainly what I recall of her.

She is full of sarcasm – all 225 fatty pounds of her.

I think that AAs brain is spooling.

I love sarcasm and can be a master of it.

The best sarcasm I can conjure up is “black propaganda” in which I take the side of my opponent and then make his case in the most ludicrous manner possible exposing his fallacies along the way.

The other method I use is the “left handed compliment.” So-and-so is not flip-flopping, he’s not wishy-washy, he’s not confused, he’s not indecisive, he is not avoiding the issue, he is not spineless in taking a position, he is not changing directions faster than a weathervane caught in a tornado, he is not afraid to take a stand; he’s just being open-minded.

…..must be running a little slow today……over load?

Slow day, Aunty?

I don’t have to wait for mine..

Haven’t had your coffee yet? Usually your quicker than that.

yeah, I hate when that happens, when someone says something, and you think of a good comeback at 3 in the morning!

Slow day in the snappy comeback dept.?

It takes a few when she has so many to choose from.

Time for me to go elsewhere.

Auntie is getting loaded