Imagine This by Lucas Turnbloom for February 15, 2012

Trying to poison those poor brats!

That would have been a much more interesting ending.

I always thought burning people was unnecessarily cruel. Shoot them dead, then burn the body. Those pilgrims were a vicious lot.

ergot in the wrong place!

Twenty-five people died as a direct result of the Salem Witch Trials. Ninteen were executed by hanging; one died under torture; five died in prison of unrecorded causes. None were burned.In America, as in Europe, the method of executing people convicted of witchcraft was hanging. Burning alive was a punishment imposed by the Catholic Inquisition on heretics (the official position of the Catholic church through most of this period was that witchcraft was a delusion and did not actually exist).The bodies of those hanged for witchcraft were commonly cremated after death to prevent their resurrection on the final day.Apparently, people of those times believed that their omnipotent, know-it-all deity was perfectly capable of re-animating a bunch of bones but was completely helpless when it came to a pile of ashes (presumably forgetting that, according to the bible, Adam started out as a pile of dirt).People who do not take the time to study history frequently mistake the post-mortem burning of executed witches for the punishment itself.

Mary Poppins, so full of sugar that if you melt her down with hot water, add some fruit and alcohol, you have a darn good cocktail.

Those witchfinders wouldn’t stand a chance. If you haven’t seen it, check out Mary’s trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic

If Mary Poppins were produced today, they’d make them use agave syrup instead of sugar.