Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 07, 2003

the shoes theory

Whoah. I only have 4 pairs of shoes, and that’s counting the shoes I can’t wear this season.

I only have five!

I only have two

I plead the fifth…

only have one pair and also flip flops

Imelda Marcos? Is that you?

I’m a guy, and I have far more than I’ll admit. But then again, they’re all running shoes. Other than that, only have a couple pairs of sandals and one pair of dress shoes.

In my defense, I wear most of my shoes and make up excuses, I mean outfits, to wear the ones that have been in my closet too long

In my defense, I wear most of my shoes and make up excuses, I mean outfits, to wear the ones that have been in my closet too long

Very sexist.

Yeah, honestly I know a dude like this. Obsessed. So many shoes…

I only own three- the rest belong to my mother.

I own eleven pairs of shoes. Ten to never wear and one to wear every day and complain that they wear out too fast.

I have as many shoes as I have feet.

My mom has about 65982176571986587612875678269578236578162958761235012983756220198476239065712904785692091268718963599610298465782101456497210629524137148638467869487618276657234897501985732852183859195879163250974975912709356948758046514367947560485768465184560827465871258012847568176750901405214867518065801872540012050050986728469327876484681764217658765876258231954876872592875628579238564856485192875679128756872395671659821765719865876128756782695782365781629587612350129837562201984762390657129047856920912687189635996102984657821014564972106295241371486384678694876182766572348975019857328521838591958791632509749759127093569487580465143679475604857684651845608274658712580128475681767509014052148675180658018725400120500509867284693278764846817642176587658762582319548768725928756285792385648564851928756791287568723956716598217657198658761287567826957823657816295876123501298375622019847623906571290478569209126871896359961029846578210145649721062952413714863846786948761827665723489750198573285218385919587916325097497591270935694875804651436794756048576846518456082746587125801284756817675090140521486751806580187254001205005098672846932787648468176421765876587625823195487687259287562857923856485648519287567912875687239567165982176571986587612875678269578236578162958761235012983756220198476239065712904785692091268718963599610290192835798120928846578210145649721062952413714863846786948761827665723489750198573285218385919587916325097497591270935694875804651436794756048576846518456082746587125801284756817675090140521486751806580187254001205005098672846932787648468176421765876587625823195487687259287562857923856485648519287567912875687239567165982176571986587612875678269578236578162958761235012983756220198476239065712904785692091268718963599610298465782101456497210629524137148638467869487618276657234897501985732852183859195879163250974975912709356948758046514367947560485768465184560827465871258012847568176750901405214867518065801872540012050050986 different pairs of shoes.

Excuse me, sir, how many tools do you have?