Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 14, 2012

A man after my own heart.

What a great idea! (Nuts! Our hose is too far from the door! Have to stick with the land mines…)

The Bass player and the Drummer of a band I worked with would invite Mormons and J.W.s in. It would then turn into a gross out contest between the two of them to see who could get their “guest” to make a run for the door.

A fire hose might both move and cool his “spirit”?

Say hello to my little friend.

now ask if he’s an immersion man. you know, as opposed to sprinkling

Is Bert the hoser or the missionary? I’m guessing it’s the hoser, but it could be taken both ways….

I’m all for reaching out to people. But door to door in the neighborhood is not the way to do it.

Just gotta ask: Just when and where has there ever been someone that “shoved it down their throats?”I hear this comment a lot, but in my 50 years have never actually seen it take place. Care to elaborate, or is this the typical exaggerate for sympathy tactic?

All you have to do is say, “No.” What part of that is so hard to do?

Making a statement – your beliefs are all wet.

Every time I click on non-sequitur, I get a pop-up ad. Am I the only one?

Think of them as door to door stand up comics, and enjoy the hilarity.

Every time religion inserts itself into the Government, public schools or workplace, it is shoving itself down someone’s throat. What is it about people who have found Jesus that makes them assume that the rest of us want to hear about it? Religion is like a fart… please keep it to yourself.

My friend’s mom answered the door. He stripped, jumped in the shower to get wet, came around the corner naked, in full view of the “guests” and yelled, “Ma, where the f***ing towel??” They left.

He gave them the rainbird.

As one who has gone door to door to share my religion, yes, this is possibly the most ineffective way to go about it. It’s a lot more effective to live a good life and share one’s heartfelt convictions with close friends who are open to the conversation.

Bert should have been in last week’s Heart of the City arc!

@spirit42What browser do you use? Make sure you have the settings adjusted (if possible) to exclude popups. It is possible that you have picked up some adware or malware somewhere. Download a copy of malwarebytes anti-malware (free) and install it. It should kill the problem. Then download a copy of adblock and if you like the idea of being able to browse without being tracked everywhere you go, donottrackplus. (When I come here I get 5 tracking hits every time.)

@digitaldreamer – look up Linda Lovelace.or were you talking about religion?

When these people come to my door, I find “No thank you” works just fine every time. In a lot of years and several different states, I have yet to have one object or get pushy. I am having a hard time understanding the level of hostility. So you don’t agree with them…so what?

@grainbelt – sometime we work aloneand dont always wear a white shirt …@collegeboy – but TWJD – set the pattern@revisages – yep, full immersion everytime, and no infants!@gmartin – had a gun threatened once, and have been hosed down once, and bitten by a few dogs (over or under the gate!)@digi dreamer – exactly

I think the someone(s) who gave us Auschwitz was Hitler et al and I certainly don’t call Hitler the Good Lord.

recently read this joke—-man invites individual inside—sits him down and says—ok—what do you want to talk about?—-dumbfounded young man blurts out—-don’t know—never been invited in before…..

Nazis did not invent Christianity. Feel free to close the door and walk away. You are not required to accept any religion if you so choose.

I am not ao “pro” member and I do not get popups. Perhaps you should adjust your browser to refuse popups and do an adware/malware check.

Somehow I think “No thank you, please don’t bother us” would do the trick. A sign if you are really that bent out of shape. Or, as you say, don’t answer the door.

My 90lb. American Bull Terrier is ideal for discouraging those unwanted people at my door.

Personally, I think he’s all wet.

Mr. Miller – I’ve always loved your work and I’m wondering … have you ever published in “The New Yorker?”

" … but you don’t go shoving it down other people’s throats."-Speak for yourself.

I’m going to use that quote if you don’t mind

it’s perfect

Some reality here: If you ask tell JW’s “No”, they will simply take that as “Not now” or “Not that subject” or some other way, and they will return the next time they work your neighborhood. If you want them not to come back, politely but firmly request that they make a note for JW’s not to call anymore. JW’s call this a “Do Not Call” and they note it. Anyone who calls after that (which should be rare) simply forgot to read the note, and they can be reminded. (Be warned, JW’s do a wonderful public service and when you need someone, they won’t be there because you said for them not to be there.) “No Soliciting” doesn’t work because they aren’t selling anything, and some people put that sign up for salesmen. The Supreme Court of the US has on 21 occasions agreed that JW’s ministry work constitutes free speech and freedom of worship. So, it’s legal. Once knew a man who put a sign in his yard that JW’s would be shot…the police made him take it down as a potential hate crime. Most of you would be surprised to learn that many of your neighbors – who might say bad things about JW’s to you because that’s fashionable – secretly like to talk to JW’s. All JW’s carry a little notebook full of addresses and names where they have had good conversations.And yes, I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Please pardon the demonic Deathtongue outfit…can’t help it, I’m a fan.

Sermons are just words; example is a message.

I’ll agree that it’s rude/insulting to offer a man a piece of paper the size of a playing card in the expectation that it will change his life. Few people are so ignorant of Christianity as that! Still, I try to be polite, to give them the benefit of the doubt. If they come to my door to talk about religion I simply assume that they want to talk about religion. I may be an agnostic but it’s one of my favorite subjects. They offer me opinions and I offer them opinions. They try to edge politely toward the door… Apparently word gets around because the next time the missionaries come through the neighborhood they skip my door. It’s too bad, really, as I said, it’s one of my favorite subjects.

Try living down the block from a Kingdom Hall – the training grounds. If I feel like arguing with them, I ask them why they would join a religion where it was sure they could not go to heaven – the so called 144,000 are listed in the rolls so long ago that I don’t think any are still alive.

And if that don’t work, send the dog…

A simple “no thank you” didn’t work. Greeting them with “Oh, I see the hypocrites are back on the street corners” worked for a while. I’ve found a simple “I’m Buddhist” turns them around.

I just don’t answer the door. And if I get caught, I just say, “I’ve already been saved.” Works every time. They don’t have an answer, so they just leave.

Bert’s The Man.

Just holler through the door “I have a gun and I know how to use it!”

Anyone who promotes one religion over all others is, de facto at least a chauvinist (if not a bigot) with respect to all other religions because doing so requires an inherent conviction in the superiority of their own faith and the inferiority or total invalidity of all others.

The question to ask such people is, “If I let you try to convince me your religion is the true way, will you give my religion a fair hearing?” If the answer isn’t at least “maybe”, they’re not worth your time.

Religion should be DADT.

I just tell them the truth that I’m an atheist and inoculated against being infected with bad memes.

Welcome to the First Church of our Lady of No Solicitations, Please. Enjoy some of our complimentary Miracle Hose Water. I see that the spirit has moved you to not return! Hallelujah!

I had 2 JW’s come to my door one day. I told them No, and that it would be impossible to convert me so don’t waste your time (I eventually told him I’m an atheist, which I think he just took as a challenge). They were very polite and they came back for over two months on a weekly basis. The same guy always came with someone else, always as a pair. One day, he basically stormed out of the house frustrated, and didn’t come back. Ever. Several months later, 3 of them showed up on my doorstep. I had to laugh. I said you’re wasting your time, and you should talk to the other guy that left in frustration. One of them was his wife. They don’t give up, and they’re always polite. Some of the most polite people I’ve ever spoken to. Which is rather rare these days.

I just ignore them and they go away.

People walking up to you,Singing glory, hallelujah,And they’re going to sock it to you,In the name of the lord,Oh yeah!

Why didn’t the condo do that?

Door sticker? Bumper sticker too.

“No, Nazis didn’t invent Christianity, but God did invent Nazis. He is all-knowing, so he knew what would happen, and he is all-powerful, so nothing can happen without his consent. And as for free will: Where was the free will of the Auschwitz victims? The free will of which evil man sends us earthquakes, plagues, tsunamis?”

++++

Regarding the free will of the victims, read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

++++

I prefer to go with St. Francis of Assissi:

“Preach the Gospel always.

When necessary, use words."

And they make such cute couples, don’t they?

I once opened the door to a couple of religious types, with my usual polite but snarky attitude, only to have them inform me that they were only ringing the bell persistently to let me know I’d left my keys in the door. Ooops!

As crazy as it sounds, I feel sorry that the proselytizers have to give up their time and energy to do this door-to-door stuff. When I was (much) younger, the church I attended tried to do a canvas and I said, “You’re kidding, right?” I haven’t been to church in years and years. You could say that I’ve seen the light…differently!

Those of you that say just to shut the door I say they have come onto my property and are trespassing. I don’t want to hear their religous views or learn about their church. If I want to become a JW or Mormon, I know where their churches are and will visit if the “spirit” so moves me.

he should yous a flamethrower

back to real life. now he is literally “all wet”… :)

Bert should have blown his head “clean off!”

Thank you for your kind words. Actually, most people are courteous and polite; very few are rude or angry just because we showed up.

BTW, another way to keep us off your property, commenters, is to post a “No Trespassing” sign. We generally obey that.

There was this desert cult that worshipped the jojoba bean and went around telling everyone all about it. They were called Jojoba Witnesses. (That’s a JW joke from a JW!)

The free will of the victims was in how to respond to their situation. Those who acted to be greedy or grasp power over others tended to die. Those who found ways to act humanely tended to survive, or at least die with joy even amid horrid conditions.

If we are all going to die, the question is not so much who will live, as who will live, and die, with grace and virtue.

You might be surprised how much praise rose to Heaven—and how many spirits were lifted with their prayers to transcend the worst that humanity could do.

his ground

You don’t mind if I start moving away from you!

And the 10 year drought is over in Australia. Where’s my hose?

Codswallop

Most that I have encountered have been very polite, and I’ve had some nice discussions with many of them.

Occasionally I’ve run into some poorly trained ones that are either pushy or outright rude.

A group of my friends were practicing Western European Martial arts in a city park one Sunday.A group of young (17 to 23, I’d say, or about half my age at the time) men decided to preach at us about keeping the Sabbath holy. Four in the bed of a pickup truck, two in the cab, one standing in the bed to use it as a pulpit.

I strolled out, and had a very polite, on my part, conversation.Much of it was suggestions on how to deliver their message without being offensive.

After a while, they left, and I returned to my friends, who asked what the story was.

I pointed out that the young men were wearing dark suits with no hats, and were in a black pickup with no AC and no water, and I had been keeping them sitting in direct sunlight during a Houston, Texas summer for 45 minutes.

I was wearing a loose white linen shirt, a panama hat and sunglasses. and knew I had a cooler full of ice water nearby.

That’s The Epicurean Paradox, usually stated in this form:Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.Is he both able and willing? Then whence comes evil?Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” — Epicurus

I repeat: Ignore them and they will go away.

I didn’t take the time to read all godzillion entries, but I’m always able to defect merchandise or religious solicitors (phone or at the front door) by saying, “I’m (or we’re) not interested, thank you.” This usually works the first time, but may require two (or rarely more) applications. I speak in a polite tone and don’t vary it between the “We’re not interested, thank you” ’s.

Bert believes in Baptism – if from a distance!

Please. This isn’t even a joke.

I just read all the comments….(whew!) No wonder Wiley doesn’t have much time! But thanks for keeping it civil y’all….

This was most insightful. Kudo’s to Wiley and all of you!

Which one’s Bert? didn’t think of that, did you? They are BOTH standing their ground!

Just post a sign telling them that their sect (aren’t both still technically cults) are wrong and polite ask them to re-read the Bible if they want to disagree.