Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for September 10, 2024

Her phone has a self-destruct button? YAY!

Dial C for Crankshaft! Do it! Do something! Do anything!

Who ya gonna call? Ghost Flusters! Watch Dead Lisa, Masky McDeath and Bull Bushka reduce this story to total incoherence!

“I’m calling 1-800-HAV-JUNK and getting all these controversial banned books out of here! They’re a fire hazard!”

“I’m calling Eugene to see if he can row all my unsold copies of ‘Fahrenheit 451’ out to the middle of a lake and dump them!”

“I’m calling that Moore teacher and telling him not to recommend my bookstore to any of his students!”

“I’m calling the book wholesaler and cancelling my orders of ‘All Boys Aren’t Blue,’ ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower,’ ‘The Bluest Eye,’ ‘And Tango Makes Three,’ and ‘Tricks’!

I’d say that you have the total incoherence market totally covered, billy! LOL…

I don’t get the logic. Skip came specifically to ask her about the bookstore fire, and then immediately told her it probably was nothing and left?

Cue dramatic music.

I like her attitude! She seems a spunky lady.

“YouPorn!”

Lillian: “But there’s only one thing to do when things start getting scary. The right thing. ORDERING THE DELIVERY OF A MONTONI’S PIZZA!!!"

“Hello, Ed. I know where the burning debris of your grills have landed.”

Or “the write thing”. Write another murder mystery: murder in the bookstore that was set on fire.

It’s called righthing!

So there only thing to does when things is get scary eh. The so called right thing is to picks up yer smartyphone and spreads a unproven rumour and makes it spreads like wildfire eh.

Go to Cancun.

“The right thing.”

The far-right thing?

No, I doubt that she’s aware of anything happening beyond her “bookstore”.

By the way, what ever happened to the little girls who used to hang out there?

Oh, right, Skip met them earlier, and their sweetness totally disarmed him.

And, pray tell, what would that be?

The Right Thing™:

First she calls Les Moore. “I hear your kids didn’t all get their copies of Fahrenheit 451 before the fire at the BookSmeller. Just wanted you to know I still have two dozen in stock.”

Second, she calls her insurance company. “That’s right, I want a million dollar arson policy. Can’t be too safe.”

Third, she calls her travel agent. “I’d like a ticket to Cancun. First class.”

Note that due to space and time limitations, we will only see the first Right Thing™ in the strip.

Lillian to the rescue! Ordering 100 copies of the book that led to felony arson for some incomprehensible reason. Granted she has no idea what the book is, but she’s doing it anyway.

Hey…..she is calling Crankshaft……….maybe tomorrow…..the red man is back!!!!

P 4 (Lizard Lil): “…Toga party!…”

I presume that Batiuk will let us know tomorrow what Lil’s right thing is. Right now, even after finishing a cup of coffee, I have no clue what that is.

Cranky to the rescue! Yay!

the right thing being to triple your fire insurance

PUZZLE QUIZ

What percent of book banners have actually read the books they’re trying to ban?

Usually works……

charlie says love my good and plenty it really rings a bell

call Ghostbusters?

Crankshaft is a lost soul.

I’m seeing and hearing so much of “concerning” when they mean “disconcerting”. Is it too hard to pronounce or spell or what? It just reminds me of “irregardless”.

Call Crankshaft.

1-800-EXCORCISE-THE-DEMONS-FROM-BATTY

Was he threatening to burn down her store?

The right thing? Hmm, what can that be?

Call a newspaper reporter who isn’t a hack?

Call Channel 1 Action News so she can stand on a soapbox and “bravely” preach for the next two weeks that book bannings/burnings are bad?

Call Les Moore. He’ll know what to do. Batty thinks he’s the most wonderful character ever! Les Moore saves the day! USA! USA! USA!

Calling the award committees to remind them that TB needs an award? Any award!!!

The right thing — vote Blue

you think lilian would call operator and hope to get fellow old bag lily tomlin whatever she called herself

The right thing: burn this loser down and claim the insurance money.

Lillian is calling Batyuk to cancel the rest of the story. It wasn’t going anywhere.

That would be the right thing to do. It would spare the readers a lot of misery.