Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for September 23, 2022

You negotiate all this before you decide on the restaurant.

I’m waiting for him to suggest a special master for the wine menu.

How do they manage to reproduce?

Can we eat while I read this and I don’t want any wine, because I don’t want to do anything stupid. I have wine at home, but you won’t be there.

I’m sorry, I really can’t see the problem …

I think they came in for lunch and it’s now passed closing time.

This is how “billable hours” works

Sounds a little like a Sheldon-worthy contract.

Window: JURY IS OUT CAFE

Subsection Four: The good night kiss must be spontaneous…

I think she is gonna hand down her decision in a way that doesn’t allow appeal.

Thanks to the new High Sparrow politicians and the nazi-feminists ruling the media, dating a girl in USA will be exactly like that, unless you want to be accused of rape (20 years later).

This may be a “First Contract” situation. Follow the Prime Directive.

Never upgrade your iPhone on a date. At least Microsoft doesn’t send out the blood-sucking ghouls with the consent agreement.

They’re lawyers, let’s hope they don’t

I suppose she will discover the fine print when she beds him.

Obviously, they’ve not eaten, the waiter is wanting to close, and the moment the lawyer pulled out his contract I would have taken myself out the door to a Denny’s for an evening French Toast Slam.

Hmm, this sounds like some people’s interpretation of the Bible.

Less romantic but safe(er) Relationships of Understanding. Initial in ink here, here, here, and here. I hope you enjoyed our preliminary encounter.

Does the waiter get 33% of the top?

Shades of Sheldon Cooper.

Reminds me of Sheldon and his contracts… roommate and girlfriend. (Big Bang Theory) :-)

She won’t be exercising the kiss option, or any of the entailed options.

Reminds me of Sheldon’s first date with Amy on “The Big Bang Theory”. He makes her sign a “pre-date” agreement.

“We are a very litigious society.” he explains.

the first thing we do is overbill all the lawyers

“What’s the difference between a lawyer and pond scum?”“There’s an ecological niche for pond scum.”….from Just Lucky, Book 1: Friends and Enemies (available on Amazon)

Readers 18 or over should absolutely not miss the brilliant “Pre-Coital Agreement” sketch from a “A Bit of Fry and Laurie,” with Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Robert Daws, and Janine Duvitski (all much younger than nowadays, but already as funny as ever):

https://youtu.be/DxFU_fIUawM

You gave her an option?

They should have gone to the Legal Ease Bar & Grill

Except they’d probably have the contract signed long before they actually went on the date. This guy seems incompetent and clueless enough to take on the celebrity client Bob previously made the mistake of taking on.

Reminds me of a scene in the movie Cherry 2000.