Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 10, 2015

I have an even better method — I don’t drink.

Only aged six years? What kind of weenie Scotch is that?! That’s not high end whiskey… that’s college booze.

Rat’s the snob.

I’d like to experience a high-end whiskey bar. I’m a whiskey connoisseur. Haven’t drank a beer since I left the Navy.

Nothing younger than 12 for me, thanks.

Look for Ralfy Whisky reviews on You Tube. Best whisky channel in my opinion.

…scotch is only distilled twice. Irish Whiskey is distilled thrice…. and as I write this, I’m sipping Rye Whiskey neat from a tulip shaped glass (aka a Glencairne glass)

Aged only six years?! What a pretentious fraud!My everyday blended Johnny Walker Red is better than that! Heck, the very old partial-bottle of Chivas Regal I still have is better than that! And that doesn’t even take into account the Johnny Walker Black sipping blend….What a phony!Probably charges $18 for a glass, too, just to add a halo to the Snob Appeal.

Next snob you meet, offer him a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

“After two of those babies, the dullest, most by-the-book Vogon will be up on the bar in stilettos, yodeling mountain shanties and swearing he’s the king of the Gray Binding Fiefdoms of Saxaquine”

Beer will be fine.

as it becomes time for the bar to close even snobs begin to become…how should I say it……compatible….

HATE whiskey. Just beer for me, thanks. And if you don’t serve it, I’m happy to go elsewhere.

I agree – this bartender doesn’t know what he’s talking about. A “blend”, only 6 years old, distilled “thrice”? Sounds like swill to me. Bring on a nice 12-year-old Islay single malt, cask-strength!

Whiskey it ’twas that made me Irish grandfather shoot at the English soldiers in 1916…whiskey it was that made him MISS!

Luckily he sobered up in time to get one-way passage to the shores of Amerikay…steerage, down among the cattle. At first the odor was bad, but after a while the cattle got used to him!

A six-year old blend is not what I consider “high-end”.

I recently received a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue for a birthday present. Only two words can describe the taste; AWE SOME!

20 year old Glenfiddich in a local shop, priced at 260€

At that price it would be 40 years old before I could afford it.

Show Me the way to the next whisky bar Oh don’t ask why …Oh don’t ask why …

The Doors cover Berthold Brecht

Except The Doors re-arranged the music. Bowie used the 1930 arrangement.

Wife gave me seven bottles of Glenmorangie Scotch for my birthday The original 10 year old and five 12 year old assorted bottles and an 18 year old. What a treat to taste them all.

23 y.o. Ron Zacapa Guatemalan Rum. Life changing.

I like my pot well vaped and cooled via glass bubbler.

Obligatory XKCD.

I enjoy a nice whisky, neat and in the proper glass. Maybe a drop or two of distilled water (via an eye dropper) just to loosen the florals. I’m not a fan of the peaty/smokey whiskies, though. I highly recommend an American Rye called Whistle Pig. The 10 year old is wonderful, and their 12 year old (if you can fine it) is out of this world!

“This a really nice wine.”“What year is it?”“Tuesday.”’AM or PM?"

Well, first of all, if it’s Scotch it’s spelled as “whisky.” Whiskey, with the ‘e’ is correct for Irish and American. Secondly, if it’s a blend it also contains grain alcohol in addition to multiple single malts. There are some good ones (in theory) but not many. And as for a 6YO not being particularly good, I can show you a nice Kilchoman from Islay that’s probably not that old and bloody spectacular. But yes, the Glencairn glass is a must unless your aim is to get fitshased.

Rye whiskey,rye whiskey,I cry,if i don’t get rye whiskey i surely will die. Like that saying even tho i do NOT drink alcohol anymore. I like ‘it’ too much. Peace. :)

Wasn’t “Not a drop is sold till it’s 7 days old” written on John Jameson whiskey bottles?

pan galactic gargle blasters and saurian brandy for everybody! drinks all around. douglas and gene are buying.

Right on Rat!!!

I’ve got a bottle of almost 30 year old shine…. pretty smooth now.

Like we didn’t know that already.

xxx

Cold AND on Sale! That’s what I like.

Good for Rat! Don’t give me farm raised fresh steamed salmon on a succulent bed of organic arugula, endive (pronounced on-deev), and kale with non-GMO pecans candied in raw honey, and gluten-free whole grain bread with locally-sourced butter. Give me a tuna sandwich with lettuce.

Six years is too young for a good whiskey. 8 is minimum, 12+ is better.

There are also beer snobs. Maybe Rat could be one of those.

I love the expiration date on my beer. That way when it gets close to the date, and being the cheapskate I am, well I just have to drink it before it goes bad!

Q: What’s the definition of a Scottish pervert?

A: A Scotsman who prefers women to whisky.

(Please note: There were no sheep molested to make that joke!)