Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 17, 2019

I Lost My Shoes in Las Vegas

I left them behind at the hotel and when I called, they said they didn’t find them.

I’ve never gambled and I never plan to. I jhst skipped to panel 3 and stayed there.

That trip home is probably more often on a bus than a plane.

now how is Pig going to pay for the Über/Lyft/taxi ride from the airport (after landing) home

By the way … I lost my hotel money by the second hour of the first day. I haven’t bathed in 3 days.

If you win $400 with your first quarter, leave the machine, get a piggicure and piggy massage, and have a nice dinner with a bottle of Grande Dame. Tomorrow you can venture another quarter, if you don’t win go to the crime museum or the neon museum. Then you will have had a great Vegas vacation.

This is why I’m not a gambler. I turn to Pig (in more ways than one LOL)

Well Pig at least you did not have to sale an arm or a leg ! … Croc Power !

You should’ve taken that four hundred and left for home, Pig.

The only way to have real fun is by staying away from gambling, Pig.

How do you think they pay for those nice casinos?

I’ve heard it described as “Where else can you arrive in a $20,000 car and go home on a $200,000 bus?”

If you bet small you win small, if you bet big you lose big.

In Vegas (or any other Casino), I go in with a clear determination on how much money I’m willing to lose on the particular night (or day). Then I play until it’s all gone (usually the case), and leave immediately. I’ve actually managed to win only once, but it was good enough to cover my three-day Vegas vacation nicely.

…I went to Reno, myself. The Sands! (Now can I get comped?)

The trick is knowing when to quit and sticking to it.

In the end, what’s bet in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

I loved the trip to Vegas, saw some shows and went to the Bellagio fountain twice a night. Fremont St. is great too. I find gambling boring boring boring. I did it with friends one night for nickels. I don’t understand the slot machine zombies. I did get a few free drinks though.

Step #1: Enter Casino. Step #2: Hand cashier all your money. Step #3: Walk out of the casino. Step #4: Go Home.

Is it true that a certain occupant of the Oval Office tried to open a casino in Lost Wages, Nev., but was denied permission?

Vegas sucks you in……PIG is now broke…

I grew up in Vegas and never gained a desire to gamble. I don’t understand why people think it’s fun.

I have nothing witty to say about this comic

At least you got to support the mobsters who own the casino.

Total time for trip: two hours.

We have two “Indian” casinos in my state. I’ve never been tempted to visit either one, just not my idea of fun. But I know people who talk about how they won a couple of hundred dollars there one weekend. Well, maybe. They don’t talk about the other weekends.

When I lived in SoCal, most of the people I knew that went to the Strip pre-paid the hotel, only took cash, and filled their gas tank on arrival. One of them stuck his last five tokes in a Mega-machine just before leaving. Hit for $32,000, left anyway.

Ooh, neat, an illustrated travelogue.

When on leave and passing through Vegas I stopped at the Circus Circus deciding it would be worth the experience to lose $50. After 9 hrs. of conservative play at the black jack table (now called 21) I cashed in my chips for a little over $5000. On leaving I traded in my beat up little VW for a great used Nova SS 350 and enjoyed an awesome rest of my leave. I never went back. My Momma didn’t raise no fool.

Gambling is one siren song I do not hear. I have no objection to it, and I’ve sat in on the occasional friendly poker game. But I don’t care for Vegas all that much. I dislike crowds, neon, and publicly and frequently obnoxious persons in varying degrees of intoxication. But that’s just me, and I admit that freely.

Did Stephan just come back from vacation?

Don’t go in hock.

At least it wasn’t your life savings

Oh, look! A pig is flying!

The odds are always in the house’s favor, which makes owning a casino a license to print money…. unless your name is Donald Trump and you go bankrupt.

Pretty much my opinion when I go to the native casinos. You win if you break even.

Just got back from visiting relatives. Didn’t even put a quarter in a slot machine. Once you take a few courses in statistical analysis, and understand house odds, you just can’t get that mad at your money…

The Vegas Creed; “That is OUR money in YOUR pocket and we want ALL of it”

This is why I don’t go to casinos.

I’ve never gotten the “win big at first” step…

Everyone claps and cheers upon landing at LAS, eventually followed by the Takeoff of Silence

I spent a nickle in a slot machine once. And I bought a lottery ticket once. Doubled my money on that one, and quit while my gambling wins were greater than my losses.

I’ve never been to Vegas. Wouldn’t even stop at the nearby casino my screwed-up half-cousin tried to lure me to. Mom and Dad did visit Vegas. Came back with stomach poisoning….

How on Earth did you know I got back from Las Vegas this morning??? Won $200 too!

Learnt this truth from Poisson in telecommunications network traffic school, c. 1970. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisson_distribution

My one time in a casino, I decided I would limit myself to $50. Once I lost $50, I would quit. I started off playing slots. I had no idea what I was doing, and I quickly won $50! So, I decided to play blackjack, which I was quite familiar with (I used to play with my father, and a cousin, and would always quite once I had won about $10 to $20. Of course, they were giving the money I gambled with, so they were never happy I took their money, but hey…. Anyway, I quickly lost the $50, decided I had enjoyed myself, and walked out with the same amount I came in with. I still have no idea how I won at slots. It was some sort of Bewitched-themed game, and I was just hitting various screens, and winning.

The secret is learning when to stop, count your blessings, and pay your dues. That’s what Winners do.

Every time I put in a quarter, I lose my quarter.