Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 10, 2024

Plan 2: Save a dollar a week and hope I live a really long time.

Play the lottery every week.

Find a sugar mama or sugar daddy that has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

I just found there is a Bacon flavored soft drink….We are doomed!

Bring your lunch to work. Don’t go out and buy a coffee, make your own.

Backup plan: beat up leperchaun and take his money

Buy a lottery ticket, Pig. Better odds than the genie, and you might win ten bucks.

Why not? Half the “how to retire rich” articles on the internet start with stuff like “step 1: wait for rich parents to die”

Memo to Pig: A million bucks may not be enough in this day and age.

Take out a student loan … ask Uncle Joe to forgive the loan.

start by saving 1 dollar this month. Next month save twice that amount. The month after save again twice that amount. In just a year and half you’ll be a millionaire.

You have to be specific with a genie, for they can be tricky. If pig wished for a million dollars, he could’ve gotten a million dollars in pennies

Easy. Create a meme token named $GENIE on a blockchain. Raise money in a presale.

Badr al-Badur Will be impressed.

Just don’t rub the Genie the wrong way!

I was given a lottery ticket, a million dollar prize! A dollar a year for a million years!

Another way that will improve your odds: don’t spawn.

Guys, you’re anthropomorphic animals. You’re already as unrealistic as they come.

Read “The Millionaire Next Door” by Stanley & Danko. Great book.

It’s funny how we still talk about “a million dollars” like it’s a vast sum of money. When I was a kid a big estate was $100,000.00 and a Rolls Royce was $25,000.00 A million dollars won’t buy the most exspnsive car any more.

Sadly, it is more realistic and possible than winning the lottery and becoming internet famous.

Learn the difference between “what you want and what you need”. Live on what you need and save the rest. Then you can watch your investments grow. We did that and we retired when we were 47. We’ve been happily retired for 28 years now.

Very similar plan to my lottery one.

Does Pig want to do the same thing that the guys from Office Space do if he has a million dollars?

Saving a dollar a day for a year will earn you $365 in a year. Do that for almost 2,740 years and shazam. A million bucks.

What’s your least realistic?

Genies are harder to find than one would think, Pig.

Marry an old woman/man who has one foot in the grave, millions in the bank, and owns a liquor store!

Buying a house is the traditional way for the lower middle class to secure wealth. Next would be to invest monthly in the stock market through an IRA and don’t touch it. Last thing would be to have good medical insurance or stay healthy. Getting seriously ill can bankrupt you.

Jeff Foxworthy : sophisticated people have stock portfolios, rednecks play the lottery.

Not completely true. The market has historically done better when the presidency and congress have been in the hands of the opposing parties. Not sure of the exact reasoning, just that it works that way.

Buy $1,000 in lottery tickets?

Well, if you earn $10,000 a year, it will take you 100 years to earn a million dollars, if you make $25,000 a year it will only take you 40 years. The point I am making is that many people, probably most, make a million dollars in their life. The problem is that we have to spend a good chunk of that money to stay alive.

I buy lottery tickets. Hope I win by retirement time.

♬…lousy candle was all I found

I’m working on my second million, the first was a dismal failure

Have children, but never take them to a Disney theme park.

Just get a million people to give you a dollar, or better yet, 500 thousand people to give two dollars. GoFundMe and beg on the streets with a cute dog and a fake blind kid. Some people will give even more. Infallible plan. I’m half way to become a millionaire!

I was searching for a sugar mama but I found the perfect wife instead. She’s not rich but she sure makes me happy!

makes lottery tickets seem a better bet

Saving for retirement is like a plume of smoke. It looks solid from a distance , but when you get to it, it is just hot air that slips through your fingers.

Try the lottery………it’s MY go to

A million won’t buy a new luxury car and a garage to house it.

Always liked Steve Martin’s instructions on how to become a millionaire: “First, get a million dollars, then…”

The genie in a magic lamp with whom I’m most familiar was notoriously hard of hearing. . . .

You’d be surprised how many people are spending most of their time looking for a genie.

Play the lottery, and hope for the best

Recently retired and finding it difficult transitioning from “save every penny you can so that you won’t be destitute” to “pull money out of retirement plan to pay your bills.” Every time I do the latter I have a panic attack .

These days a million doesn’t go as far as it used to.

Well, keep reaching for the stars, Pig, and you can achieve…almost anything!

Shemp in THREE ARABIAN NUTS had it all figured out….

oh, oh, oh, off to work i go; laughing and crying all the way :D