Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 24, 2024

Rat’s got the right idea.

Over on Adam at Home, Adam makes part of his income by writing Christmas letters.

The Johnsons deserve no less.

That fireplace looks so OUT of place. Needs a mantle and furniture.

My sister in law used to do this. It was very important that everyone know how wonderful their life was. I never read them either. She never contacted me until the Christmas bragsheet; if she were really interested in keeping in touch, she could have done so.

Rat could use a little education himself. Like the fact that you don’t put the kindling in after the fire is going.

Rat sure whacks the Johnson’s card! Slippery guy he is!

People used to complain that they’d hear from an old neighbor, school friend only via exchanging Christmas cards but they wouldn’t TELL them anything about their lives

so then the Christmas letters became a thing.

And now that people are used to them, they complain….

Merry Krampus/Grinchmas and may the world conform to YOUR ideal.

Someday, after I die, please.

Got one yesterday. With a map of the routes taken during their vacation.

It’s nice when you can get words from others and put them to good use

I like those letters. I’m always thinking that I’m glad I didn’t waste my time doing that crap.

I agree with that

In other words, some people can’t be bothered to hear the life stories of old friends they’re too lazy to even try to remember.

I love getting those cards with the family news. Not enough people do that anymore.

Nobody likes show offy neighbors.

not sure if he knows what kindling means.

I’m guessing that selfies have a similar fate

“Xerox Christmas letter, nothing could be betterthan to hear from folks you hardly knowbragging on all they have achieved.” ~~ Ray Stevens

My personal favorite was the one where the writer’s son went through a divorce and she described it as a “wonderful opportunity for him to pursue alternate directions in his life.”

I used to receive 3-4 page christmas letters – with photos – from a hamster that belonged to my former college roommate, detailing all the activities of its human servants over the past year. Then one year the hamster apparently died and had not yet been replaced, because the christmas letter was written by several beanie babies from her collection. It was one of those things that makes you grateful to still have all your marbles.

Yeah, the yearly Braggadocio Bulletin. Ugh!

The last page has a Go Fund Me link to help pay for it.

Send them a postcard. Write “Got your letter. TLDR.”

Too many designed to make you feel miserable because you haven’t had anything worth sharing.

I don’t mind those at all. If I’m not interested in their lives, why would I pretend to be their friend at all?

And (downer coming) with age, I’ve realized that we don’t have each other forever, and those letters are a real memento.

Santa Rat.

I thought burning sheets of paper was a fire hazard (the partially burned paper floats up the fireplace and may ignite the creosote). Instead it has to be tightly bundled and tied…

It’s long past the kindling stage, Rat.

That’s all some of those letters are good for.

Most Christmas cards my family have ever got just have family pictures and a holiday greeting. Those letters with Christmas cards I’m not familiar with. Rat of course is all too familiar with them. Merry Christmas.

I love it when people send cards displaying pics of their obnoxious families grinning rather than traditional illustrations. They take that much longer to burn and save on energy bills.

A warm christmas greeting from the Johnsons indeed. Warmer that intended.

But that fire is already burning. Why waste the kindling?

As where all those stupid letters belong

Considering the fire is already burning merrily, I don’t think Rat understands what “kindling” is. (Not that I’m suggesting he shouldn’t burn the brag letter, just that it’s not really kindling.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO STEPH AND TO ALL.

LMAO!

love it!…(HATE those letters!. thankfully we only get one now… used to be a handful…)

One year, my brother sent a letter with choices to fill in the blanks. One was “Our son Sean (played, excelled at, completely failed) football this season, and graduated with (sighs of relief from his teachers, a job at McDonald’s, debt).” It was hilarious.

Oh, that’s terrible. MUAH HA HA HA HAaaaaaa… (ahem) Terrible, just terrible.

Some people just really don’t care.

I like hearing news, especially from those that live far away. However, when they become brag sessions, I have to wonder about the motivation.

I’m given to understand that suicides tend to go up around the holidays every year. Some people chalk this up to loneliness, but my own suspicion is that it’s despair that they’re doing so badly compared to all the success stories they read in everybody else’s holiday letters.

When I heated with wood, we subscribed to a newspaper and that was a LOT of fire-starter. More than I needed… though we did go through a fair amount in the fall and spring when I’d light the fire in the evening and let it go out. Summer, I didn’t light it at all, and winter I didn’t let it go out except to clean out ashes.

But ALL the junk mail got sorted into the shop burner which was between the mailbox and the house. That one I lit off every so often even in the summer, just to burn the BS.