Reality Check by Dave Whamond for August 23, 2020

Try adding a moon, though that might also cause complications.

Try rebooting: CTR + ALT + DELETE (Lose control + Alternate facts + Pandemic).

Naah — the next step is fire one point zero. It’s also the final step.

OMG

I notice that the suggested remedy didn’t change.

This is funny twice. Also the warranty is only 2019 years.

I have this newer Android Samsung with more memory…

That’s all you need, the kid’s a genius!

If fire evolved from floods, why are there still floods.

If I was the guy at the counter, I’d have taken a big step back when he said it had humans.

This version does seem to have a virus, but you have to make due, there’s no more in stock.

You made this mess, fix it yourself.

There have been quite a few resets in the last 5 billion years. The Yellowstone supervolcano could be the next one.

If you drop your cell phone in water, it’s not always the best idea to put it in rice. Rice will absorb the moisture, but it will leave behind the impurities. Actually, dunking it in rubbing alcohol, which also absorbs water, is a better idea. Since removing batteries is no longer as easy as it was, the odds are against you.

My coffeemaker quit when, coincidentally, the display showed a great deal of condensation. Once I had the instructions translated to English, I learned the error of my ways. So I got enough desiccant in which to bury the whole thing in a sealed container, waited a month, and voila, good as new. Unfortunately, the long range planned desiccant for the earth is called the Sun.

Some rice and beans.

“Attention residents of Earth, this is God speaking. I have a buyer interested in the property. You have until the end of next month to clean up the place and move out.” ~ some old comic strip

Just give it a good shake!

Is “putting it in rice” some kind of tech support catchphrase? I think silica gel works better.

“Yeh…reset it back in Noah’s day. I just have to face the fact that man is inherently evil. Next reset will be without satan and his demons.”

Just evict them.

Rev 21 1 I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth have passed away, and the sea is no more.2 I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared like a bride adorned for her husband.3 I heard a loud voice out of heaven saying, “Behold, God’s dwelling is with people, and he will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.4 He will wipe away from them every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; neither will there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more. The first things have passed away.”5 He who sits on the throne said, ““Behold, I am making all things new.”” He said, "“Write, for these words of God are faithful and true.” "6 He said to me, "“It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give freely to him who is thirsty from the spring of the water of life. "7 "He who overcomes, I will give him these things. I will be his God, and he will be my son. "8 “But for the cowardly, unbelieving, sinners, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, * idolaters, and all liars, their part is in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.””

Playing “Settlers” again…

Boot from the recovery primal disk and run the anti-human software.

You’re omnipotent. This time get rid of all the humans.

Reset to factory default, but wait until I leave.

The water isn’t a problem, but you should reset it anyway.

So…..Earth was accidentally infected…. Doesn’t the universe have a means for insuring sterile conditions when He’s creating? Sloppy work!

I’m not sure there is a viable solution to accidentally dumping humans on it. At least not a solution which doesn’t take the rest of life with it.

Sadly True!

“I tried putting it in rice, but it just made the humans multiply!”