Hey, Ripsters! I’m back – tanned and rested, and no funnier than ever, but still full of attempts, as the following will attest. And as it’s my first day back from Rome, I’ll make it an absolutely true story. (Hey, it’s better than going to confession and trying to convince a priest…)A few years ago, a friend and I bought time on a local radio station to broadcast high school baseball, both of us selling advertising to pay for it as well as put some money in our own pockets. Larry, my friend, had sold a “relief pitcher package” to a local chiropractic clinic, the schtick being that, every time a relief pitcher came in, he would read the ad copy – “This moment of relief brought to you by Burien Chiropractic Clinic, yada yada —” and then ask me, “So who’s coming in to relieve Johnson on the mound?” (or whoever the starting pitcher was) and I would give the name and stats of the reliever. [Note: I didn’t like this schtick at all. When announcing a game, it’s important to keep the stats book up-to-date, and instead, I had to look up stuff we already had. Anyway…]
One afternoon, the Head Coach called “time” and strode out to the mound. Larry, convinced a relief pitcher was on his way in, started reading his ad copy. However, since he had never actually memorized his copy, he had to take his eyes off the field to read, and he didn’t notice that the coach ended up leaving the starter in the game. So when he asked me “So who’s relieving Johnson on the mound?” before I thought about how it would sound, I answered, “Well, Larry, it looks like Johnson is relieving himself on the mound.”
Larry’s jaw dropped…and we couldn’t make eye contact the rest of the season.
210-ish years going strong for gingerbread… even Max Miller did a YouTube last year on his Tasting History channel regarding it as did Jon Townsend on his Jas. Townsend and Son channel a few days ago.
And it’s well-known that they did in fact eat foreign dignitaries in those days.
Take care, may unintentionally comical memorabilia auctioneer Gus “It All Started With My Very First Triple Espresso” Vandertord be with you, and gesundheit.
I want to answer with one of my own—probably not true.About 1970, give or take, a black family had worked hard and made a small fortune. Instead of moving to “a deluxe apartment in the sky”, a la the Jeffersons, they bought a very nice house in an upscale neighborhood, complete with wrought iron fencing, gorgeous lawn, beautiful gardens. They were the only black family on the block. When they moved in their next-door neighbors on one side were on vacation and did not return until two weeks after.A day after the neighbors returned, the man came over to the fence where the new owner was mowing his lawn. Striking up a conversation, the neighbor finally gets around to asking, “So, I was wondering, what do they pay you for doing the gardening?”The new owner, having a relaxed sense of humor, responded, “Oh, they don’t pay me nuthin’, but I gets to sleep with the lady of the house.”
eromlig almost 3 years ago
Hey, Ripsters! I’m back – tanned and rested, and no funnier than ever, but still full of attempts, as the following will attest. And as it’s my first day back from Rome, I’ll make it an absolutely true story. (Hey, it’s better than going to confession and trying to convince a priest…)A few years ago, a friend and I bought time on a local radio station to broadcast high school baseball, both of us selling advertising to pay for it as well as put some money in our own pockets. Larry, my friend, had sold a “relief pitcher package” to a local chiropractic clinic, the schtick being that, every time a relief pitcher came in, he would read the ad copy – “This moment of relief brought to you by Burien Chiropractic Clinic, yada yada —” and then ask me, “So who’s coming in to relieve Johnson on the mound?” (or whoever the starting pitcher was) and I would give the name and stats of the reliever. [Note: I didn’t like this schtick at all. When announcing a game, it’s important to keep the stats book up-to-date, and instead, I had to look up stuff we already had. Anyway…]
One afternoon, the Head Coach called “time” and strode out to the mound. Larry, convinced a relief pitcher was on his way in, started reading his ad copy. However, since he had never actually memorized his copy, he had to take his eyes off the field to read, and he didn’t notice that the coach ended up leaving the starter in the game. So when he asked me “So who’s relieving Johnson on the mound?” before I thought about how it would sound, I answered, “Well, Larry, it looks like Johnson is relieving himself on the mound.”
Larry’s jaw dropped…and we couldn’t make eye contact the rest of the season.
JDP_Huntington Beach almost 3 years ago
Must be kind of weird to be snacking on a cookie that looks like you…
“Look, I am eating my own arm!”
“Oh yeah, Look at Duke Loosey, nibbling on his own crotch!”
Templo S.U.D. almost 3 years ago
210-ish years going strong for gingerbread… even Max Miller did a YouTube last year on his Tasting History channel regarding it as did Jon Townsend on his Jas. Townsend and Son channel a few days ago.
Caldonia almost 3 years ago
A couple of cannibals were dining on a math teacher. The wife said “This is really good Pi.” (OMG possibly the stupidest joke I’ve ever imagined)
Caldonia almost 3 years ago
For heaven’s sake. Did Tracey buy an entire castle? That’s a larger house, all right.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
Steve broached the topic of lawyers, so that seems like a legitimate use of my time, and possibly even yours.
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
“Tim, you be first,” she said “What does your mother do for a living?”.
“She’s a doctor,” Tim replied proudly.
What about you Amy?” she asked.
“My father is a mailman,” Amy answered.
“What does your father do Billy?”.
“He plays piano at a whorehouse,” Billy said as though it was the greatest job in the world.
The teacher was shocked and immediately changed the subject to history.
After school, the teacher went to Billy’s house. His father answered the door. The teacher explained what Billy had said, and demanded an explanation.
Billy’s father said, “I’m actually a lawyer, but how am I going to explain that to an eight-year-old?
Merry Christmas. Until next time.
Copy-&-Paste almost 3 years ago
Tangled in a Plastic Baby Swing?…I thought that bull elk was simply following Covid guidelines.
A Common 'tator almost 3 years ago
Does anyone know of another Queen Elizabeth 1, apart from the English one mentioned ? We call these Pleonasms…
therese_callahan2002 almost 3 years ago
“Run, run as fast as you can. You can’t catch me. I’m the gingerbread dignitary.”
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 3 years ago
And it’s well-known that they did in fact eat foreign dignitaries in those days.
Take care, may unintentionally comical memorabilia auctioneer Gus “It All Started With My Very First Triple Espresso” Vandertord be with you, and gesundheit.
Nala the Great almost 3 years ago
Anyone else notice that the Snitch got away when she opened the truck door?
papabear almost 3 years ago
I live in Colorado and read it was a TIRE stuck in the antlers and on the neck of the elk.
mindjob almost 3 years ago
I wonder what foreign dignitary became the model for the standard cookie we have today. The Uncle Oscar of cookies. Maybe it’s in the Queen’s notes
Totalloser Premium Member almost 3 years ago
and Tracey lives alone in that new bigger house
ekke almost 3 years ago
Reminds me of the true story of an announcer at a cricket match: “The pitcher is Holding, the batsman’s Willey.”
FGWaiss almost 3 years ago
I want to answer with one of my own—probably not true.About 1970, give or take, a black family had worked hard and made a small fortune. Instead of moving to “a deluxe apartment in the sky”, a la the Jeffersons, they bought a very nice house in an upscale neighborhood, complete with wrought iron fencing, gorgeous lawn, beautiful gardens. They were the only black family on the block. When they moved in their next-door neighbors on one side were on vacation and did not return until two weeks after.A day after the neighbors returned, the man came over to the fence where the new owner was mowing his lawn. Striking up a conversation, the neighbor finally gets around to asking, “So, I was wondering, what do they pay you for doing the gardening?”The new owner, having a relaxed sense of humor, responded, “Oh, they don’t pay me nuthin’, but I gets to sleep with the lady of the house.”
Stephen Gilberg almost 3 years ago
Too bad she couldn’t buy one of those Potterverse containers bigger on the inside.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
https://youtu.be/ZCqh5ROtQRg
Phil721 almost 3 years ago
wasn’t that elk in a Farmers insurance ad?
hawgowar almost 3 years ago
Bull elks are huge and quite strong. I wanna see that baby swing.