Most shaggy dog stories don’t have dogs in them, but tonight’s actually does:
It seems there’s this talented flea who got himself an agent so he could become famous and make a fortune. The agent calls him one day and says, “I got you a great gig – you’ll be on Benji’s back!” This sounds like a great opportunity for a flea, so he jumps (sorry) at the chance.
The next morning, the agent’s phone rings; it’s the flea. “You gotta get me out of here,” the flea says. “Benji scratches; his handlers comb him and spray him with anti-flea stuff – I almost got killed!”
“OK, OK,” the agent says. “But a new opening just came up in Willie Nelson’s beard. Do you want it?” Well, this sounds pretty good to the flea, and the next day he found himself in Shotgun Willie’s whiskers.
However, the next morning the agent’s phone rings again. Yup, it’s the flea. “You gotta get me out of here,” says the flea. “This gig looked so good, but Willie chews tobacco, he smokes cigars and pot; his breath is horrible, and his beard is a hell-hole. Help!”
The agent sighs. “Well, it just so happens you’re a VERY lucky flea, ‘cause I have ONE MORE SPOT for you, and this one you’ll love – it’s in Dolly Parton’s privates. What could you POSSIBLY not like about THAT??”
The flea, of course, jumps (again) at the chance, and the agent figures he’ll never hear from the flea again, at least not until Dolly retires. However…yup, the next morning the phone rings. “What in the WORLD is wrong now?!” the agent screams. Don’t tell me there’s something wrong with Dolly Parton’s privates!”
“Oh, there’s no problem with Dolly Parton’s privates,” the flea explains. “But you see, there was a big country music festival over the weekend, and, well, to make a long story short, I’m back in Willie Nelson’s beard.”
A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shocked scientist. The duke goes on discussing astronomy as if nothing is amiss.
Not five minutes later, the duke rings his bell and again requests a test tube from his butler, who provides it without delay. Again, the duke sticks it down his pants and trumpets out a fearsome blast of wind, then caps the tube and again passes it to the scientist. The duke then continues discussing dinosaur fossils as if all is perfectly normal.
No more than ten minutes later, the duke rings the bell and orders another test tube, which his butler provides in an instant. Once more, the duke sticks it in his pants and squeezes out an enormous round of fetid flatulence, then caps the test tube and passes it to the scientist once again.
“Now, I say, what is the meaning of this?” the scientist demands impertinently. “Why do you insist on bottling up your farts and bestowing them upon me, your most humble subject?”
“Why, sir, I thought you’d be pleased to have them for your study,” the duke says, a trifle hurt. “After all, are these not noble gases?”
A guy goes to see his doctor with a complaint of pain. So the nurse comes in with a dog, and lets the dog sniff the guy. Then the nurse leaves and comes back with a cat. Cat sniffs guy, too; nurse leaves. “What was that about??” cries the patient. “I’m telling you, I’m in pain, and you bring animals!” The vet says “You needed a Lab Test and a Cat Scan.”
Speaking of shaggy donkeys, what about shaggy goats? The subdivision I used to live in had been a goat ranch. When the property was sold to become housing a small number of goats got left behind. Over 20 years of inbreeding a small herd of very shaggy long horned goats grew, including a few with hair down to there, long beautiful hair that nearly touches the ground. Believe It or not.
I got the vibrations along with the murmurations just for you. ~ Blind Lemon Two-String Gitfiddle McGee
Take care, may ignored but proud long-haired hippy panhandler Sunshine “Daisyguy Smiley Entitled Gonorrhea Spreader” Crosbord be with you, and gesundheit.
A man crosses the border each morning on a *donkey*and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or restaurants in the city, they see the same man spending lots of money and boasting that he is in fact a smuggler and that no one can catch him.
Every day, incensed at his bold claims, the tax collectors obsessively search his bags of straw. They sift the straw, cut it into pieces, rip open the fabric of his bags, attempt to burn the straw, check his hat, his beard and even cut open his shoes in the hope of finding coins between the leather. And yet, each evening, he is seen back in the city growing ever more prosperous and ever more brazen, even offering to pay for the tax collectors meals and drinks while continuing to tell stories of his wily smuggling. The tax collectors continue their futile interrogations of the straw bags for years, to no avail.
This continues until, now a prosperous man, the smuggler moves away to another city and settles down to enjoy his wealth. Years pass and one day, in the market, one of the retired tax collectors meets his old foe and asks, ”Mister, many years have passed. I am no longer a tax collector and we are just two old men. Please, you can tell me, what was it you were smuggling all that time?”
Can you really say you solved a math problem if you used modern make-believe to achieve it? In the field of Mathematics, yes. https://www.wired.com/story/eulers-243-year-old-impossible-puzzle-gets-a-quantum-solution/ (my emphasis)
“I think their paper is very beautiful,” said Gemma De las Cuevas, a quantum physicist at the University of Innsbruck who was not involved with the work. “There’s a lot of quantum magic in there. And not only that, but you can feel throughout the paper their love for the problem.”
that rare donkey not only grows hair long enough to touch the ground, it also grows legs long enough to touch the ground….will wonders ever cease…Believe It or Not…
eromlig over 2 years ago
Most shaggy dog stories don’t have dogs in them, but tonight’s actually does:
It seems there’s this talented flea who got himself an agent so he could become famous and make a fortune. The agent calls him one day and says, “I got you a great gig – you’ll be on Benji’s back!” This sounds like a great opportunity for a flea, so he jumps (sorry) at the chance.
The next morning, the agent’s phone rings; it’s the flea. “You gotta get me out of here,” the flea says. “Benji scratches; his handlers comb him and spray him with anti-flea stuff – I almost got killed!”
“OK, OK,” the agent says. “But a new opening just came up in Willie Nelson’s beard. Do you want it?” Well, this sounds pretty good to the flea, and the next day he found himself in Shotgun Willie’s whiskers.
However, the next morning the agent’s phone rings again. Yup, it’s the flea. “You gotta get me out of here,” says the flea. “This gig looked so good, but Willie chews tobacco, he smokes cigars and pot; his breath is horrible, and his beard is a hell-hole. Help!”
The agent sighs. “Well, it just so happens you’re a VERY lucky flea, ‘cause I have ONE MORE SPOT for you, and this one you’ll love – it’s in Dolly Parton’s privates. What could you POSSIBLY not like about THAT??”
The flea, of course, jumps (again) at the chance, and the agent figures he’ll never hear from the flea again, at least not until Dolly retires. However…yup, the next morning the phone rings. “What in the WORLD is wrong now?!” the agent screams. Don’t tell me there’s something wrong with Dolly Parton’s privates!”
“Oh, there’s no problem with Dolly Parton’s privates,” the flea explains. “But you see, there was a big country music festival over the weekend, and, well, to make a long story short, I’m back in Willie Nelson’s beard.”
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
Just a joke. That’s all it is.
A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shocked scientist. The duke goes on discussing astronomy as if nothing is amiss.
Not five minutes later, the duke rings his bell and again requests a test tube from his butler, who provides it without delay. Again, the duke sticks it down his pants and trumpets out a fearsome blast of wind, then caps the tube and again passes it to the scientist. The duke then continues discussing dinosaur fossils as if all is perfectly normal.
No more than ten minutes later, the duke rings the bell and orders another test tube, which his butler provides in an instant. Once more, the duke sticks it in his pants and squeezes out an enormous round of fetid flatulence, then caps the test tube and passes it to the scientist once again.
“Now, I say, what is the meaning of this?” the scientist demands impertinently. “Why do you insist on bottling up your farts and bestowing them upon me, your most humble subject?”
“Why, sir, I thought you’d be pleased to have them for your study,” the duke says, a trifle hurt. “After all, are these not noble gases?”
Until next time.
rimose over 2 years ago
♫ R-A-G-G M-O-P-P Rag Mop♫
A Common 'tator over 2 years ago
Maybe the Poitou donkey has very short legs…
Copy-&-Paste over 2 years ago
I had hair like that donkey back in the 70’s…Today it’s my Nose & Ear hair that’s out of control.
therese_callahan2002 over 2 years ago
My mom warned me about starlings’ aggressive behavior when they invaded my hometown of Newburgh, New York.
Caldonia over 2 years ago
Very old but wholesome:
A guy goes to see his doctor with a complaint of pain. So the nurse comes in with a dog, and lets the dog sniff the guy. Then the nurse leaves and comes back with a cat. Cat sniffs guy, too; nurse leaves. “What was that about??” cries the patient. “I’m telling you, I’m in pain, and you bring animals!” The vet says “You needed a Lab Test and a Cat Scan.”
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
Speaking of shaggy donkeys, what about shaggy goats? The subdivision I used to live in had been a goat ranch. When the property was sold to become housing a small number of goats got left behind. Over 20 years of inbreeding a small herd of very shaggy long horned goats grew, including a few with hair down to there, long beautiful hair that nearly touches the ground. Believe It or not.
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
I got the vibrations along with the murmurations just for you. ~ Blind Lemon Two-String Gitfiddle McGee
Take care, may ignored but proud long-haired hippy panhandler Sunshine “Daisyguy Smiley Entitled Gonorrhea Spreader” Crosbord be with you, and gesundheit.
FassEddie over 2 years ago
A man crosses the border each morning on a *donkey*and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or restaurants in the city, they see the same man spending lots of money and boasting that he is in fact a smuggler and that no one can catch him.
Every day, incensed at his bold claims, the tax collectors obsessively search his bags of straw. They sift the straw, cut it into pieces, rip open the fabric of his bags, attempt to burn the straw, check his hat, his beard and even cut open his shoes in the hope of finding coins between the leather. And yet, each evening, he is seen back in the city growing ever more prosperous and ever more brazen, even offering to pay for the tax collectors meals and drinks while continuing to tell stories of his wily smuggling. The tax collectors continue their futile interrogations of the straw bags for years, to no avail.
This continues until, now a prosperous man, the smuggler moves away to another city and settles down to enjoy his wealth. Years pass and one day, in the market, one of the retired tax collectors meets his old foe and asks, ”Mister, many years have passed. I am no longer a tax collector and we are just two old men. Please, you can tell me, what was it you were smuggling all that time?”
The smuggler replied, “Donkeys.”
moondog42 Premium Member over 2 years ago
Can you really say you solved a math problem if you used modern make-believe to achieve it? In the field of Mathematics, yes. https://www.wired.com/story/eulers-243-year-old-impossible-puzzle-gets-a-quantum-solution/ (my emphasis)
“I think their paper is very beautiful,” said Gemma De las Cuevas, a quantum physicist at the University of Innsbruck who was not involved with the work. “There’s a lot of quantum magic in there. And not only that, but you can feel throughout the paper their love for the problem.”
dv1093 over 2 years ago
I’ll bet that donkey was a Bob Marley fan.
Malcome1 over 2 years ago
I’m sure someone will correct me. But I thought quantum entanglement is still just a theory.
Will E. Makeit Premium Member over 2 years ago
that rare donkey not only grows hair long enough to touch the ground, it also grows legs long enough to touch the ground….will wonders ever cease…Believe It or Not…
Pickled Pete over 2 years ago
No test today?
pbr50138 over 2 years ago
Sheldon Cooper could have solved that math problem in no time.