That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for November 17, 2023

The push was on to make as many feathers as possible in time for Black Friday.

/// ”Feather Makers” are the exact words

that describe what these women in herds

work at in immense rooms.

But, if girls make these plumes,

why on earth did men kill all those birds?

It’s not a sweatshop – nobody here is sweating.

We don’t heat the place.

Here’s more feathers. Make these last, ladies. We’re running out of birds.

Jose worked as porter at the dress shop. It was low paid work, well below his ability level, but on the up side he was the only male in the building.

Inger, the new young, lean Feather-Maker tyro, ogled the shop foreman, Elmo — and spun lurid fantasies about them together. “Any time you want, you can tickle me, Elmo,” she often whispered to herself, dreamily.

You had to be an ostrich with its head in the ground not to notice her attraction.But actually, the whole flock of young unmarried women did all pine after his sartorial accoutrements, as if he were a peacock fanning out his tail plumage. None of them would egret mating with him. He had indeed plucked the tails of several of them, already.

For his part, he enjoyed egging them on. He strutted around like a c0ck-of-the-rock and whistled an alluring tune as his special mating call. Most thought he would never settle down and nest with any one female. So what were the chances he would linger with Inger?

Same old story. Santa hired help to read the children’s letters. But this time he decided to hire someone more appealing than the elves.

I can’t see or hear the word “pivot” without thinking of Ross from Friends.

“Instead of feathers, we’ll now be stuffing our pillows with shredded foam. You’re all fired.”

Nuthin runs amok like a stuffin’ of kapok in the mor-ornin’…

“This is a pattern for a Kim Kardashian dress. We’re going to need a lot more material to cover THAT butt.”

Don’t worry, gentle readers. No animals were killed or maimed in the making of this picture … discounting all the naked birds.

Remember the good old days/

when the streets of New York swarmed with strays?/

When a milliner might/

in the course of one night/Gather up enough “fur” for 10 days? ///

We have no reliable stats /

On the fabrication of hats/

Or the methods they used/

to keep women enthused/

whilst festooning the brims with dead cats.///

Without cats they resorted to beaver/

Or the hair of a golden retriever/

They claimed it was sable/

(It says so on the label)/

Twas the mark of the overachiever!)

Then they suddenly grew humane:/

Realized that a cat perceives pain/

They shifted to feathers/

(They’re better in weather/

and ever so hard to stain)///

Then the cat population exploded/

And the bird population imploded/

Now the the cats are a pain/

And the birds on the wane -/

But the milliners feel much better…

“Get Moving, or you’ll be building Big Macs.”

How should I know where the ruffles go? I’ve never owned a ruffled dress in my life!

“No, I don’t smell smoke, and neither do you. Now get back to making shirtwaists.”

“This is just a temp job. I’m hoping that listing this on my resume will be a feather in my cap.”

On the plus side, the floors never needed sweeping – the employees did that on their ways to and from..

Ostriches!?! Those’re SO 20th Century! The Liberty Biberty guy demands a Bibu!

Feather Decoration Factory or The Feather Makers or The Featherworkers: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:1902 paintings" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found and once there find the text string Feather, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size, oil on panel painting.

 

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3223 (November 17, 2023) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger, if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. Only work by him used here so far.

 

P.S. The museum’s German title for this painting is Federnschmuckfabrik, which 4 of the 5 https://www.lexilogos.Com/english/german_translation.htm German to English translators said was Feather Jewelry Factory. I chose Feather Decoration Factory instead. If anyone with German expertise can improve on that, please do so in a reply. Thank you.

before cell phones, sweat shop workers read their mail instead of working.

“The Feather Makers,” 1902

If they pivoted to certain arboreal herbivorous marsupials (non-bears) native to Australia, they could advertise their high level of koala-ty. (I’ll show myself out)

/// Feathers are quite miraculous things.

Causing flight, fanned out from a bird’s wings.

But who knew that they were,

like scales, older than fur

back when dinosaur tyrants were kings?

/// It’s now thought that a lusty T-Rex

displayed plumage when he wanted sex.

Just imagine the hat

you could make out of that,

(but the plucking would probably vex).

A forty ton lizard in flight ?

Or flocks of them? Oy – such a blight !

Their droppings would bury/

The park’s statuary!

Somehow it just doesn’t seem right..

A forty ton lizard in flight/

Would be a remarkable sight/

And if one should land/

Near the place where you stand/

Would you exit in haste? You might…

A forty ton lizard in flight?/

Your chance of escaping is slight:/

If you’ve not done it yet/

You will come to regret/

That will you’ve forgotten to write..

A forty ton lizard in flight/

Will discover that seating is tight/

With a forty ton @$$/

Even in bizniss class/

And weight’s more important than height..

A forty ton lizard in flight/

I report, with unalloyed delight/

Is a subject arcane/

Reserved (it is plain)//

For the récherché and recondite..

A forty ton lizard in flight/

Would be flying with knuckles Snow White/

At the ends of his fists/

(No airport exists !)

Where, pray, might such a monster alight?

A forty ton lizard invites/

All manner of slanders and slights/

In fact, it’s a blizzard !/

No, the life of said lizard/

Is no “garden of earthly delights” !