Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 13, 2016

USE IT ON RAT!!!

USE IT ON RAT!!!

Also, people use it to look up phone numbers. We did just that a few days ago.

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Isn’t it pathetic the way some people dismiss anything that’s been around for more than a month as an anachronism? It’s like they’re desperate for a reason to feel superior.

sounds like a white lie from the telephone company to me

Didn’t we just cover this ground a week ago? Looks like the phone book story arc will be slow paced.

If you can get a decent phonebook, it’s far easier to look up a number in than to go online. The ones they put out around here aren’t decent anymore, their about as difficult as going online to find a number since you have to try and figure out where you should be looking for something. If I need to look up a Doctor, do I look in the white pages under D for doctor(believe it or not they’ve pulled that around here) or in the yellow pages under doctor, hospital, clinical, or medical services? If I want to look up my town’s water department, do I look it up in the yellow pages under government or the white pages under W for Water Department or under the letter the town should be listed under (used to be you’d look up your town and they’d list all the town offices, no need to hunt in the yellow pages or in fifty million places in the white pages). If I want to look up someone’s phone number do I look under the letter their last name begins with or the letter their first name begins with. I tried looking up a classmate’s number a few years ago, both our last names start with the same letter, but neither of us were under that letter. Instead the idiots had reordered things by first name.

We used to make fun of the category names in the yellow pages. You want to buy a man’s shirt, should you look under Shirts, or Clothing, or Menswear? No such category. Okay, how about Apparel? Or maybe Garments? Nope, not there either. Have to think like the people who made them all up in the first place; think like it’s 1920 and you’ve never actually left the house and talked to other people…what would you call it? Vestments? Attire? Costuming? You might get all classical and try Raiment? (Hey, everybody loves raiment!) Ah, finally, here it is, under Habiliments. Should’ve guessed that right off.

If people would just memorize the number of their favorite pizza place we could save a lot of trees.

A whole new meaning to “throw the book at him”

We leave extras at Vic Mackie’s house.

watching Le Ripoux again?

Wow. Nice sale strategy. How low can you go with a lie?… I wonder if I can use it…

Heck, cops don’t care if they leave marks. None are ever successfully prosecuted anyway. Our society essentially sanctioned murder under color of law since the days of Jim Crow, and DAs nationwide have implicitly supported it with glaring consistency. Even they recognize who it is that’s carrying the weapons.

Phone books are still good for propping up furniture and for short people to sit on.

et tu pastis? The cops have enough trouble without this nonsense

If they stop making phone books, what are bodybuilding show-offs going to rip in half?

hands up; don’t shoot

Phone directories still have value for looking up businesses, but those you can find online. White pages omit people with cell phones, but are at least helpful for the few people with land lines. I haven’t found a way to find individual numbers online, so at least the few people I can find in a directory are better than nothing. The online versions of the white pages all want you to pay for the information, and want to include with it every public record about the person, when I just want a phone number.

I keep a phone book in the car. Always have. Use it more for addresses than phone numbers. If Google Maps lets me down, the book can be a big help. Of course, no one seems to put their street numbers up any more.

Rat will certainly find a use for it.

guard duck too

So next Kaepernick’s going to sit on a phone book during the Anthem?

It’s not the phone company that leaves these books. It’s third-party “yellow pages”.

See? Everything has a use!

xxx

I guess somebody remembered the first episode of FX’s the Sheild

I didn’t realize Rat and Pig live in Chicago!

Gee, Officer Pig! Crunch you!

Short people use them to sit on in the car if they cant see over the steering wheel.

Right cosmik. Unless your in trouble then you love the police. Take that BLM BS and stick it up your……

If you’re a modern sketch comedian, you can also use one for 5-10 minutes to beat a single joke to death.

I learned about this practice from the movie My New Partner with Philippe Noiret