Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 04, 2017

The bottom of the ocean isn’t covered yet.

What’s the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?

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There’s skid marks in front of the skunk

As long as there are “billable hours” there will be lawyers

There are far too many individuals who are not currently involved in a lawsuit. This is because the caseloads of existing lawyers are already overburdened.

Several pending court cases?

The ACLU is hiring.

One lawyer in a town will starve. Two lawyers will both be rich.

The point is moot

New amendment: 1. No hourly legal fees may exceed twice the minimum wage. 2. Meals, vacation meetings, and holidays are not billable time.

TV ad: immediate openings for high positions in US government, including president, vice-president, any congressional district, plus 30 to 40 governorships and miscellaneous openings in a variety of fields. Salary commensurate with training.

Q: How many Lawyer jokes are there? A: 3. All the rest are true stories.

That chart of the court system looks like a diagram from Kafka’s The Trial.

what makes you think there is a need for the ones we have now

Here’s a tough choice; More Lawyers, or more cartoonists like Pastis, an ex-lawyer?

Final exam? Why not make that the entrance exam?

Why do we need more lawyers? The answer is simple: There are more laws.

We need more lawyers because the world keeps making idiots and assholes who can’t keep out of trouble.

We have terms such as a “gaggle” of geese, a “pride” of lions, and a “herd” of cattle. How about a “slime” of lawyers?

Every time I hear a discussion about lawyers I’m reminded of an old Yiddish curse I read long ago:May you be involved in a lawsuit and be in the right.

Our country has too many lawyers and not enough doctors. I read somewhere that the medical world is a bit worried that the number of doctors med schools are churning out is a lot lower than it’s been in a long time. Many doctors are having to overwork and some are burning out. :(

The answer to the final exam question is “Somebody has to pay for the advertisements on all of those day-time TV shows.”

Today, Congres passed a bill preventing lawyers from having relations with their clients.

It’s an attempt to prevent lawyers from billing clients twice for what is essentially the same service.

When Ooog, the Neanderthal, accidently left his stone axe where Nango’s kid could injure himself on it, Magnon, the Cro-Magnon, immediately took action against the hapless Ooog on Nango’s behalf.

The first lawyer was thus created… and hastened the demise of the Neanderthals.

***Little known factoid: The serpent in the Garden of Eden was really an lying lawyer.

Originally, lawyers were scribes since the “nobility” couldn’t read or write. Since the ones paying for the “service” couldn’t tell if they were getting their money’s worth, they paid by the word, which is why lawyers have to both “cease and desist”. If someone tells you to stop, you should be able to understand that he doesn’t want you to start again. That’s also why you have, “John Smith, hereafter referred to as ‘the party of the first part’…” etc. They need to put the most words into the fewest thoughts.

Henry Wallace said this about American fascists, “They claim to be super-patriots, but they would destroy every liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. They demand free enterprise, but are the spokesmen for monopoly and vested interest. Their final objective toward which all their deceit is directed is to capture political power so that, using the power of the state and the power of the market simultaneously, they may keep the common man in eternal subjection.”