Pickles by Brian Crane for November 03, 2019

I hope to be continued. Would love to hear the rest of the conversation.

As if there weren’t already enough confusion in the world…but still extremely funny.

What is the name of Shelby’s husband? I’m thinking (at the top of my head) Myron.

Hello, this is Shelby’s obstetrician.

“It’s me again, Margaret.”

Tweedle!!!

A friend of mine had a number one different from a restaurant. When he had had enough, he would take reservations.

Caller: “Hi, Shelby, this is Roger.”

Opal: “There’s no Shelby here. You must have the wrong number.”

(wait two minutes, phone rings again)

Caller: “Hi, is this Shelby?”

Opal: “Shelby is dead! They found her about an hour ago with blunt-force trauma to the head. The police are looking for someone named Roger.” (hangs up quickly)

I used to have my answering machine say, “I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone, I’m feeding my pet boa conscrictor…” Then I found a lot of callers were trying to make dental appointments. It turned out a dental clinic had a similar number to mine. In frustration I visited the dental clinic and asked the receptionist, “What kind of dentist would have a pet boa conscrictor?” The receptionist showed me the waiting area where there were several aquariums with large snakes.

Mine was also a friend who’s phone number was one off the local Chinese food joint. Sick of getting called for takeouts, he asked to take the caller’s order. Oops!

Reminds me of the old " Dave " routine ….. Dave’s not here man !

Earl, That is exactly what I would do!

For me it would be, “We see your car warranty is out of date, etc.”

he’s such a card

Hello, is this Prince Phillips’ residence? Why yes, yes it is…. Then you better let him out of that can before he suffocates…..HARDY HAR HAR!

This is Shelby’s husband we’re having a drunken orgy tonight, come on over.

Earl likes to walk on a tight rope. I hope that he does not fall off.

When my daughter moved into her new house 20 years ago the new phone number she was given had been the number for a luggage store that had closed and they got phone calls daily for the luggage store for more than 2 years. Seems the NO NAME Yellow pages just prints numbers and business names without checking.

Many years ago I got a wrong number call from a woman ranting that “Your cat is on my fence again!” No matter how many times I explained that she had a wrong number, that I lived in an apartment nowhere near any fence, she refused to believe it. Finally I got really fed up and told her to eff off. Dead silence. Never heard from her again.

“No, this is Shelby’s number, I checked.”“You, sir or madam, are a [censored] idiot. Goodbye.”

Shelby who?

Ours was one number from the city hospital. Talk about upsetting calls!

Ours was one off from a car dealership. Got calls asking for a jump. Or the service department. Etc.

Opal’s plight is why I’m so glad we have a phone with caller ID on it…I don’t recognize the number, I just ignore it!

Okay . . .why does this remind of the Cheech and Chong skit?. . .Gawd, I HATE free association. . .

My local newspapers circulation number is one digit switched from a very exclusive country club. More than once I dialed the wrong number. Probably happened to them often. To their credit they were always very polite.

Whne I moved to SoCal, I got a phone number that had belonged to a woman who: A. had a lot of male friends, who B. drank a lot, and C. called in the middle of the night, and D. didn’t speak English when drunk. I got a different number.

It happens a lot with cell phones. People don’t check to see if it’s a different area code and just dial it. Lots of drunk people 3 hours away from us sit there waiting for a taxi which is never going to get there. You can’t argue with people in the middle of the night.

People used to call my number thinking it was a pawn shop. I was always polite, because just about everyone misdials occasionally.

My Phone # was one number difference for Shakeys Pizza and i called them they didn’t seem to care so Order up!!

I worked for an international company. somehow, my desk number ended up listed as the main US phone number. That was fun… not…

I had a number one digit different than the liquor store which delivered. One lady after she had too many drinks would call for a delivery. After explaining that she had the wrong number, she would hang up and call back again so we began taking her orders. Always wondered how she felt when she sobered up and if she remembered calling.

Our number used to belong to a “lady of the night” who was, apparently, very popular from the 2 a.m. calls we got.

There are two exchanges in our area -679 and 676. I got several calls in a row from an elderly man asking for “Jessica”. He was becoming more irate with each call, practically insisting I had Jessica tied up in my basement. I finally called my own number, but used the other exchange, and there was Jessica. I explained what was going on and she said she’d set her dad straight. Got that settled without any bloodshed.

My wife has been getting frequent calls, on her cell phone from either a bank or a collection agency looking for someone with the same last name as my wife’s ( in Latin countries you last name is the maiden name of your mother ). Despite constantly trying to explain that there isn{t anyone in our household by the name Fanny G_______, these phone callers persist.

Finally, in desperation, my wife has started to hand the phone to me. I respond to the caller either in English or French, pretending I don’t speak Spanish. I really work hard at frustrating the caller. That seems to have worked. She hasn’t received any more wrong number calls for awhile.

Like me, one of three chips off my old dad’s block.

Yipp_eeee rule #873: Never waste a wrong number

Great answer! I’ll remember that one!

The most annoying wrong numbers are the ones where, after you’ve had a number for a decade, people still keep calling for the number’s previous owner. My former Sig. Other got calls for “Dr. Baldwin” for 10 years, & my roommate (RIP) got calls for “Victor” for 15 years. I told them both repeatedly that they should record outgoing messages “Hello, this is not (former owner)’s number…” & just let the machine get it. I was surprised when neither took me up on it.

My kid bro & his best bud had a schtick when they were kids: Bro would dial a number & ask for Alvin. After he’d done that 3 or 4 times over a few days, Alvin would call & ask if there’d been any calls for him. They always thought it was hilarious, but I felt sorry for the people on the other end of the line…

Shelby’s not here – she’s meeting with her lawyer re: the indictment. Can I take a message?

Years ago my phone number had 2 digits switched from the number of a popular AM radio station. I got many late night calls from lonely women wanting to chat with the DJ.

:)

Had a brother-in-law that used to take pizza orders when callers refuse to believe that he wasn’t working at Pizza Hut…

My brothers phone number is one digit away from a local radio station near here. One day this woman calls up requesting a certain song. My brother said he had the song and told her to wait a moment and he found the record and played it on the record playerwhile the phone was laying down for her to listen to it. After the song was done she thanked him and said goodbye… She probably thought radio stations do that all the time !

Earl’s treading on thin ice!

Back when I worked “Swing-shift” and had to stay late to make reports and lock up, I would often get early morning Calls from Moms asking for their child to be “Excused for the day from school” (Wrong Area code) I usually said sure don’t worry about it…In time the calls stopped…..

I had a elderly lady call me and listen to my message and then leave a message say sorry for dialing a wrong number.

I always answer the phone “Pizza Hut delivery, can you hold?” and then hang up.

My Pop looked just like him (3 yrs gone this month) and had a sense of humor even worse than Earl’s, which was certainly fun!