Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for October 22, 2019

Go get a cup of coffee. When you get back maybe then.

S’alright – half of them don’t realize they’re dead yet.

This is the way they were when they walked out in front of the SPLAT traffic.

Heaven Can Wait.

When Hell freezes over.

If it was really heaven, cell phones would not be allowed.

What happened to the term "you can’t take it with you " shouldn’t that apply to cell phones

I want whichever service provider they have.

FOMO – fear of missing out. I get my information when I want it; not when someone else decides I should have it. I’m not a news reporter; I don’t need to “scoop” the rest of the world.

I’d like to do an experiment. Place a person’s phone on a table next to a bed. Then strap the person to the bed and put a blood pressure cup on them. Then call the phone and also send text messages. Monitor the person’s blood pressure. I’ll bet it goes up in proportion to the number of missed messages.

I am able to sit by calmly and ignore my phone ringing and pinging. In fact, I don’t answer it at all unless it has a ring tone associated with one of my contacts. I let the technology called voicemail work for me.

They’re all frantically uploading their data to the cloud.

PHONES BAD

Phones be damned! I have to tell people to put their phones down if they want to talk with me….,it’s so nice you came to visit me! We’re having such a nice conversation….NOT!

I ain’t got no phone. Does that mean no waiting? Data be damned – I have a soul purpose.

Call waiting.

On the bright side (because I always look on the bright side of life), he’s got all of eternity for them to sign off. (and thinking of eternity — I guess their battery life gets a major boost too boot.)

Reception is poor up there and those folk are wanting to take a selfie to send to their friends.

“I promise, I got a text from Sue 45 minutes after she died!”

Purgatory?

I think he just wants to open the trap door to hell under all of them…

I was kayaking up in a serene mountain lake in the Cascades, and a couple of hundred yards away, a person was hollering into the cell phone, "You’ll never guess where I am……. Oregon….. OR e GON! A fisherman was sitting in his pedal-boat nearby just shaking his head.

It wasn’t like this last time I visited. Where are all of the distressed souls screaming silently from just inside the gates?This is what happens when you let them take it with them. Funny how the Egyptians, the Norse, and the Han never had these problems.

If you want to get into heaven, give up your phone and be welcome.

Or you can go elsewhere and have the phone ripped out of your hands and have it perpetually floating just out of reach. . . OOH, that would be nasty, wouldn’t it?

I’m absolutely certain that Heaven has no cell service.

Otherwise: GO TO HELL!

This has been going on for a very long time now. After all Moses was the first person to download a Tablet from the cloud.

Heaven’s more generous than I’d be.