Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 12, 2020

It’s too damaged to return.

Too soon to return

And not even halfway through.

I would like to return back the past 34 years .

Rat, and get ready, we are hardly in the middle of the year. Elections, pandemic, economic crisis, unemployment and riots. This 2020 is the closest thing to the apocalypse.

One year ago, who could have imagined all of this happening in 2020, Rat is right, this year has been the absolute worst and I really hope it is rock bottom, so quoting Richard Pryor from a movie back in the day “the only way to go is up”.

As long as we’re dreaming, there’s this one afternoon in July of 72…

Sounds like the prospect for the people get a refund for the salary and benefits paid to the dysfunctional Congress & WH?

CONGRESS – Stop paying off your special interest groups. How about if the PEOPLE were the special interest — Where’s the Beef?!!

A friend of mine died back in 2013. When I used to wish him a happy New Year, he always responded, “I sure hope so. The past one was crap.” He doesn’t know how much worse it is now.

“Do you have your receipt, sir? Sorry, you can’t prove you bought that here without a receipt.”

I’m in full agreement with rat! It sucks so bad it blows!!!

I don’t think it could ever work to have people running on different calendars.

This year just can’t get any worse. Oops, I think I jinxed it.

It can always get worse — we are working at redeeming 2020, but it will take everyone getting out on November 3.

Remember, it is literally The Year of the Rat.

Best of my knowledge clock only goes in one direction. Keep moving the ball forward ! … Croc Power !

Sorry, but due to the virus, returns are currently suspended.

Maybe he’ll accept it back if you tell him it’s defective, because it doesn’t have the right number of days. Compare it to the last 3 years as proof.

It just got worse here in Tulsa. Don the Douche is coming to town next week.

I know exactly how you feel, Rat. I will never wish for a better year again. It’s bad luck.

you only have 30 days to return it. and the first 30 days were “ok”.

No deposit, no return!

Hey Rat, it’s half gone. Maybe if you tried about January 5 ….

Every generation thinks it’s music was the best – me 1964-84

You can’t take nothing back to the MeguhMart!

Cheer up – the worst is yet to come!

Well, are we cancelling our November election and retaining Dictator For Life, or not? That would be like icing granny’s fruitcake with a steaming cow-pie.

Well in that case, many happy returns, Rat! Suck it up… :D

And we’re only into June…..

Don’t you think we would if we could?

I tried to return mine to Kohl’s but they said they wouldn’t take it since I didn’t get it off of Amazon to start with.

And it just KEEPS GOING!!!

I figured the warranty had run out. Maybe we can reinstall it?

Take me back to the 60’s……

Oh Rat, haven’t you seen the PS5 Reveal Event yet, there still hope yet. Oh wait, some of those games are coming out next year, never mind.

Many states have a “Department of Corrections”, a polite euphemism for prisons and such. But of course they get lots of mail from citizens complaining about inaccuracies on their birth certificates or drivers licenses.

2020

Written by Stephen King

Directed by Quentin Tarantino

Narrated by Samuel L. Jackson

Oh, Rat! If only that were possible!!!

It’s that extra day I tell you. Everything has been thrown out of whack. That’s the theory that I’m sticking to.

This year’s defective – it has a virus.

I’d like to return my last report card.

Bush v. Gore was the end of our democracy. Trump v. Clinton was Putin’s greatest achievement. “Justice” Kavanaugh is McConnell’s great gift to both. Black-uniformed, heavily-armed, jack-booted “SS men” assaulting and gassing peaceful citizens while escorting the new Fuehrer and his “yes-yes men” to pose before a church (!!!)where he says not a word, and displays a “sacred” book he scarcely recognizes ! Game over, folks !

Sorry. We have a 90-day limit on returns.

I thought 2016 sucked when the company I worked for, abolished my department and laid off everyone in January, then Trump was elected President in November. 2017, 2018 and 2019 also sucked because I was underemployed and Trump was an idiot. Now it’s 2020, we’ve got a world pandemic, a economic depression, an election year and I’m still underemployed, and we have a President who is still an idiot, he’s also a certifiable bat-shit crazy maniac. Not only does 2020 suck, it sucks donkey d**ks big time and yet we still have another four months until Election Day and six months until the New Year.

Nice try, Rat. But we all know, we’re doomed to 2020!

Pastis lives on that fine line between realist and pessimist.

Should have tried back in March. although that was still past the 90 day period …

worth a try.