Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 18, 2020

The easier ways are usually addictive.

I’m next in line!

It looks like a win-win from where I’m sitting.

Croquet anyone?

When everyone gets bored, shift to a game of “Rat” polo.

By then, Rat may have a blissful nap.

euthanize the sucker!

The neighborhood bully did that to his kid brother a few times. The boy was never right after that.

Hit him again, he seems to need a bigger dose.

Consciousness is overrated.

Can we keep Rat in this state permanently?

I don’t know, looks like a good plan. Trouble is you can’t keep doing it. If you want to be nice that is.

“Would you like one lump or two?”

We refer to this as an “altered state”.

wow, that plan was a knockout…

And it’s the happiest WE’VE been in weeks.

Note that Goat did not hesitate to hit Rat.

Nailed him! Sweet dreams!

My kids make me feel almost the same except I’m looking for peace and quiet from the bedlam. To make it worse, now we’re snowed in. I can’t even open the doors to get outside and shovel. Somebody, please get the damn sledgehammer.

You had me at “Hit me…..”.

Rat is going to end up as a junkie if he keeps up with this thought process!

It’s Xanax, dude.

Maybe this is the cure for my insomnia. My mind, too, is constantly going, only it’s usually on thoughts such as: someone named Trump was “president”, the moon is made of green cheese, Rog the Dodge is 72 years old, and other absurdities.

Rat should watch the Hallmark channel, guaranteed to turn his mind to blissful mush!

I thought Rat had alcohol as an alternative solution.

You’d have thought Goat would have enjoyed that more, considering how Rat has tormented him over the years.

Goat should go get a golf club. Not sure about a wood or iron, it depends on how far you want Rats nose to go.

Should of used a baseball bat. That way you could say one , two , three strikes your out ! …. Croc Power !

i wonder…did he yell FORE before he struck him?

I doubt Goat needed much persuasion to do that.

A little bit of vino will fix you right up…partake of the grape with dinner….

people will line up to help out rat now!

Maybe we should just leave him there.

Have the same condition. . .only my mind is stacked with old song lyrics. . .30s and 40s mostly, but some 50s and 60s. . .so I’m happier than Rat. . .course I’m happier than Rat at any time. . .Luck, Be a Lady Tonight . . . When you see a guy standin’ out in the rain, Chances are he’s insane as only a John can be for a Jane. . .You have the cool, clear eyes of a seeker of wisdom and truth, Yet there’s that SLAM-BANG -TANG reminiscent of gin and vermouth. . .NO commercials, thank gawd!

I just go to bed early. As a friend once said “cancel the day”

There are plenty of people I’d love to “make happy” by hitting them over the head with a mallet.

Who enjoyed that more? Rat or Goat?

Maybe there are easier ways, but they are not as satisfying. For the guy with the mallet. That goes without saying.

The beatings with the mallet will continue until final Rest In Peace is attained….

We have an expression for Rat’s problem: ‘The hamster won’t stop running.’

I don’t usually relate to Rat …

Unfortunately, he eventually comes to!

Maybe Larry “nose” a better way

Side benefit – it also puts an end to tweeting, and the tweeter-in-chief could stop losing sleep over the election.

As Archimedes once famously observed, "“Give me a mallet heavy enough and a rat with which to wallop with it, and I shall move the world.” (It got changed in translation to something about levers and fulcrums, just to make all those science nerds happy.) 8>}

Some times call for extreme measures…….

I wish someone would do this to me1

if you could guarantee I would not wake up till say, Jan 21, I’d do it.

Who wouldn’t take Rat up on his offer to smack him upside the head with a mallet?

Tomorrow he’ll be asking you to hit him with your rhythm stick.

and not as much fun.

Goat must have been thinking “OH, GOD, THAT FELT GOOD!” when hit him. – Credit to My Fellow Americans; When Douglass pushes Kramer from a moving train

We all wish we could go to sleep and wake up in a world where crazy people aren’t steering the country into a ditch.

May I suggest 5 or 10 minutes deep breathing boiled marijuana and dihydrogen monoxide.

Me next! Me next!

sleep works as well, with less chance of a headache. But there are always dreams that you may need to contend with. Luckily most of mine are good dreams…

Sweet dreams, Rat!

He he he he! I have been wanting to do that to the rat for quite some time.

Where’s the line?

“Life in Hell” by Matt Groening had an Abkar and Jeff strip titled: “Abkar and Jeff’s Treatment Center for Chemical Dependency and Bad Habits”. They offered free beer and promised to fix problems such as heroin addiction, satanic worship, voting republican, poor posture and grabbing food from others…. Sounds like it would right up Rat’s alley. I think the strip came out in the late Reagan years, ’87 or so.

You have no idea how much I enjoyed doing that.