Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 28, 2022

Don’t go to dinner with Rat.

Covid measures only apply to other people. Or other rats, in this case. Or other people who might be called rats.

I think I’ll get a barcode tattooed onto my forehead so it feels more normal.

Temperature thermometer, as opposed to the other kinds of thermometers.

‘Temperature thermometer’ sounds redundant.

If only…..

Fellow grocery store associates and I used to have our temperature taken daily when coming in for our days’ shifts all the time until we stopped some time ago.

(Shouldn’t maîte d’ there have a mask on if he’s taking patrons’ temperature?)

Inconsistent rules, incomplete information, incoherent guidelines, worn out populace. Kindness please!

Isn’t that the same “fathead” who phone ordered his coffee while waiting in line; and Rat told him off?

This an excellent tool. Because ONCE THEY ARE INSIDE they’re customers, and “the customer is always right” The maître ’d has just prevented that. Good on ’im!

I’m guessing that they just don’t want any rats in the restaurant.

Wish I had one of those pain in the ass detectors, it would make my life much easier as a housing provider.

Anyone notice the “ristorante” heh

NO surprise!

Last year there were 515 deaths of police officers. The cause of 353 of those deaths was COVID19. And yet police unions around the country are fighting vaccine mandates. Go figure.

https://www.odmp.org/search/year/2021

Rat probably registered right off the scale.

Well, they wouldn’t wants to risk being shut down because rat infestation anyways.

Shouldn’t he have been pointing it at his butt?

Looks like drive – through for you Rat !

Could be worse. Someone could point something at his head in the parking lot and demand his money and car keys and he wouldn’t be pointing a thermometer. Quick! Call a Social Worker!

Take the temperature of the room, Rat.

I bet he doesn’t tip either………

I need one of those.

I would probably not be allowed in the restaurant. I have this unreasonable expectation of decent service, meaning don’t just take my order and deliver the food. Do a checkback to make sure everything is okay. Make sure my water glass is not empty. Don’t make me wait twenty minutes for my check. Don’t expect a 22% tip if you provided the bare minimum service.

I prefer to check the restaurant to see if it deserves to have me there.

Pain in the @### customers can account for a huge percentage of your business. You can’t afford to turn them away.

I’d eat there. If they’d let me.

Temperature thermometer? Oh, bend over!

RAT is busted! Take out ok?

My dogs are my butthead meters. Good at it, too. I trust them.

I want one of those.

Rat and Sarah Palin- two of a kind!

I like this invention.

Imagine how quickly the pain-in-the-a$$ thermometer would sell out.

Yes, we need these everywhere. Maybe before you can leave your house!

They need one of those for airlines

Of course Rat failed. Maybe they could go the the McBurger drive-thru.

Whoa. What’s gotten into Stephan lately? How about a cartoon depicting himself stirring a large pot? Guess I’ll need to bypass this one for awhile; I try to stay away from political cartoons this early in the morning.

At least it’s going on your head. Not in your…unmentionables. We can’t be that obvious.

The French language assigns gender to nouns, the restaurant here is male, le. Considering all the kerfuffle about gender identity, why haven’t all these nouns risen up in protest?

Could be helpful for some servers also

Well, it’s limiting if you’re a pain-in-the-butt customer. Don’t be a pain in the butt, and you’ll have no problems.

The Illinois General Assembly passed a bill that gave unlimited paid sick leave to public school teachers & state university professors, and other staff at both for COVID-related absences. Gov. J.B. Pritzker vetoed it – and negotiated a replacement bill that limited that benefit to the vaccinated.

See, FL & TX – some of us have real governors, who care about their citizens!

I worked for one of his opponents’ campaigns in the primary, but J.B. just made sure I’ll be phone-banking & door-knocking for him next time around.

He needed a thermometer for that?

Is that an Italian or a French restaurant?

Failed? I guess he scored a solid 10 on that thing.

I listen to a lot of Reddit horrors at work stories, and, thanks to the extreme shortage of wait staff at restaurants, the workers are getting a lot more leah way to shut down and insult really nasty patrons. The restaurants need staff more than patrons who drive away other patrons and staff.

I want one of those testers for my restaurant.

Begin mass production immediately!!Every restaurant should have one.

Weed out all the crazies and who’s left? You and me?

Usually pastis does @$$.

Captain Steven Hiller: I have got to get me one of these! (portrayed by Will Smith in Independence Day-1996.)

Where can I get one of those?

Send THOUSANDS of them to EVERY AIRLINE!!!!

Failing a test for a pain-in-the-@## customer should be a good thing.

Must be a rectal thermometer, if it finds pains in the butt.

Rat called it and the maitre d’ called Rat. Not only did he call Rat, he successfully shut him up and had him think he had been wrong.

Man, I’ll bet anybody in retail wishes they had a pain in the a$$ thermometer.

Where was this thing before 2020 is what some businesses are thinking

I have had a temperature scanned on my forehead before I see the dentist to make sure that I’m ok.

THERE’S A METER FOR THAT?!?! Wow! All this time spent giving people the benefit othe doubt!

One [table?] for two [diners?] isn’t bad. That is, Rat is aware of his limitations, but he doesn’t know his temperature.

BTW, I dislike snotty, sarcastic maitre d’s….

That could REALLY catch on

I worked in the hotel business for 40 years. Where was this device when I needed it???