Pickles by Brian Crane for February 16, 2022

I’m with Earl. Wouldn’t answer that question to a young boy.

Mainly I don’t want to deal with the answer…

Have you ever wondered if colonoscopies are really done by space aliens in disguise?

just you wait, Nelson, when you get to have a colonoscopy yourself

I just had one today, in fact. As the anesthesiologist said: “You’ve already done all the hard work getting ready, now you get a nice 30 minute nap!”

PS: Every kid old enough to speak knows where the poop comes out. It’s one of the first things kids find humorous, in my experience. And so I’d have simply explained it.

PPS: The doc told me that they seldom perform colonoscopies on people older than me, so that may be the last time. HOORAY!!

The doctor uses a long pipe with a camera light on the hand and he sticks up your exaust pipe and looks around

Not so long ago I was in a store and wanted some Preparation H suppositories. There was a sweet young high school girl stocking shelves, and I asked her, “Pardon me, could you tell me where I’d find Preparation H products?” She asked, “What are they used for?” I took a deep breath and told her. She still didn’t know, so I went and asked the pharmacist.

Many years ago, my first colonoscopy was performed by a pretty blond doctor… it was a bit embarrassing as I was fairly young. I blurted “the camera was not getting my best side”. I thought I was being original. Probably not.

The best thing about a colonoscopy is that when it’s over you can win a crepitation contest.

I don’t care what Opal says, there was no lead up there!

For all the good they do…

“Well grandson, it’s like a car driving the wrong way down a one-way street”.

And that, Nelson, is a talent that will ironically come in extremely handy when he finally does get around to scheduling it.

Mid 60’s, so far I’m a Colo-guard person, and my doc is ok with that.

The only problem with a colonoscopy is the rocket fuel the day before, swear to god, it feels like lift off every time.

Wait until you find out what the answer is, Nelson…then you’ll understand why Earl “pretended” to fall asleep…

At my last one, I got got a certificate from the doc stating that my head was not found up or anywhere near that area.

I just love the Roscoe in todays cartoon , thanks to Brian .

I’ll never forget seeing my Proctologist in the hardware store buying a new 50 ft. Garden hose.

An alternative prep that is rarely offered is using magnesium citrate. It’s Draino for your GI, but much less of a hassle.

I’m done with those! Talk about having that “hollow feeling” !! LOL

Keister is not a word that his grandson would understand……

Guess there were no if, ands or butts in that conversation

Having had cancer (glad I had a hunch I should have one done), it’s about time for a followup. Hope they don’t use a length of drain pipe this time out!

I can’t imagine a kid growing up and telling people he wants to be a proctologist so he can examine butts for a living.

For better or worse, I’m 77 and have never had a colonoscopy. One of the young doctors who I visited when I had a complete physical told me that requiring men to have routine colonoscopy procedures was now considered unnecessary if there were no indications of problems detected from initial testing.

A neighbor was part of a study to compare 3 means of colorectal cancer screening. I don’t remember which group she was in, but the study found colonoscopy was the most reliable. The 2nd was testing stool samples (Cologuard or similar). The 3rd involved swallowing a capsule that had cameras and LEDs.

He says to Roscoe!

Smal move earl

For further ‘enjoyment’ on this topic, search for Dave Barry’s column on his colonoscopy. It’s a bit dated, but for anyone who likes ‘toilet humor,’ it’s hilarious. I try reading it to friends, but end up laughing so hard, they often ask to read it for themselves.

“…rams it up your butt. Then wiggles it around in a most interesting manner.”

Last year I had to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune of low red blood cell count of two. Plus two upper GI’s one out the stomach bottom a little ways, plus swallow a blinking camera pill. Guess what, big co-pay and no answers. Zzzzzz….

Opal made a fast exit after reminding Earl.

They stick it up your ass….where else?

Had one when I turned 40 just because. Now every 2 years I do one of those Colo-Guard thingies. No muss, no fuss, results always good.

It always starts off as pretend sleep..

Husband and I both had one, had to do it 5 years later when, thank goodness not cancer, but pulps, then the work takes to clean out, with hubby was not enough plus he no longer has to do that procedure. Me I have I think two more times, with wait of 10 years.

Earl, just give him this link: https://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928847.html

Trust him Nelson, you don’t want to know the answer!

Had my first one a little over three years ago. Slept through it, painless, no problems. But afterward the doctor who did the procedure told me she thought she’d seen signs that I have sleep apnea, and that I should have a sleep test. Made me wonder which end of me she was paying attention to.

The directions are in Italian… innuendo.

I also had what should be my last one in Dec.

It goes in the “out door.”

I need to schedule mine.