Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for April 12, 2023

Bob’s obviously not a salesman. Two seats per side, and nobody is having to hug their knees. I imagine someone wouldn’t mind swapping for a first class seat.

Avoid going to destinations where they have having infant conventions.

I hear the republicans are meeting in Nashville, thus TN wants to regulate guns now; worse than infants, idiots who need their diapers changed but still will not shut up

While I was waiting on the corner for the traffic light, a woman came up next next to me with 3 small children, one of whom was setting up a most horrible howl. The kid wasn’t being abused, so I don’t know what the problem was, but I could still hear the racket a block away. I love such experiences. It makes me so VERY glad that I got a vasectomy before something like that kid, and its mother, happened to me!

You know what would be weirder? Seeing a bunch of toddlers quietly watching CNN.

That’s what you get for taking a business trip in “economy” class.

The trouble is that Bob’s not the one who gets to decide on F2F meetings. Bosses  don’t have to fly to meetings.

In this scenario, Bob’s plane ticket should be free.

Here’s how it should work: Every person bringing a baby on a flight pays a small portion of every other ticket on the flight.

Wiley kids – love’em .. except on a 13 hour flight to London from Sydney, when our daughter would NOT go to sleep. When we got there she slept a solid 48 hours; and no sign of jet lag.

Business travel is a double-edged sword. Part of me relishes the excuse the pandemic gave me to avoid it, but then I miss the random interactions and inspirations I would find at conventions. Having said that, I’m sticking to remote for now.

He should remind them that it is Kind to Lawyers day.

Reminds me a bit of that Naked Gun movie where everyone in the courtroom were mothers with babies.

I had the unfortunate pleasure of having a screaming infant behind me on my flight from Travis AFB to Yokota AB in Japan, by way of Anchorage, Alaska.I swear I got the same kid a year later on my flight back to the US.

Maybe it is time for airlines to create a “baby section” — where they are all together. Then the rest of the people might be far enough away not to be too bothered by it all. With all the noise made by the engines, two or three rows away might be enough. For those too close, maybe they should put only women in those…they have greater tolerance for kiddies. That said, I was once placed beside a Muslim woman with a very young baby. We were chatting, and I suddenly realized that she was breast-feeding – but with her voluminous clothing I wasn’t even sure – she was so completely discreet; and the kid was quiet throughout the flight, so I was very lucky. NOt sure babies are the worst: kids around 5 to 8 are so hyper and constantly kicking the back of your seat and shrieking… I have occasionally turned around and told tehm this isn’t a playground… something teh parents obvoiusly had not bothered to do. So often the problem is the parents, not the kids.

Zoom is a great tool. Imagine the tons of fuel, saved by not flying.

Anyone planning a close vacation this year?

It isn’t only babies that offer problems. Friend was just settling in when the back of the seat ahead of him crashed down on his knee caps. The pain was excruciating and naturally he yelled out. The kid just looked at him and smiled while the mom just kinda muttered in embarrassment. Flight attendant was no help.

an’ the next day he purchased a smart car

I converted to zoom as soon as I knew I could avoid 2 hours of driving for a 1-hour meeting, much less a day in airports.

Bob realizing he has become a trure curmudgeon

Ain’t it weird how all the babies kinda look like Danae?

Aye, that would do it. wife and I spent a forever flight from Korea to Seatac as one under 2yo kid screamed for what seemed like the entire flight. I would likely never get on the plane if I saw this many rug rats waiting to board.

From way too many decades flying commercial I believe that a big reason rug rats on planes are screaming is the air pressure in the cabin. How many times as the plane starts to climb to cruising altitude(31-35K) have you pinched your nose closed, closed your mouth tightly and breathed out hard to relieve the pressure on your ear drums? Well littles can’t do that, their ears hurt, they scream

Nothing wrong with Zoom meetings.

Many years ago, I was flying on my first business trip 9 months after the birth of my second child. It was a full flight and were flying north from Dallas, TX when suddenly the plane took a dive. The masks came out and the steward instructed us that the plane was diving to restore air pressure and to put the masks on ourselves first then help the children. I watched his eyes bulge out when he looked over to the seats in the second row and realized that the family there had all three seats filled and two toddlers sitting on the parents laps. Only three masks. He stretched out his own mask and barely could reach the seat and the parents were struggling to share the other masks. I noticed there was a fly buzzing around. I figured that if the fly could fly, the air pressure was OK. Soon, we leveled off and later they announced that the gauge was stuck but the air was OK.

That was before they started requiring people to purchase seats for children over 2 years of age, but I don’t know if they have ever done anything about providing extra masks for infants on laps.

Much of the problem with small babies can be minimized if one realizes that most of the crying is do to ear pain. Sucking on something can reduce that — just like adults suck on a lozenge or chew gum. If babies are sucking on a bottle or “binkie” their ears aren’t hurting, they feel safe, and they aren’t crying. The real difficulties are the slightly older children who have too much energy to hold still. They kick seats, bounce around, fight with each other, try to run up and down the aisle, etc. It is hard to keep them quiet and still. Especially if it is one parent (the mother) and three or more kids. [I have frequently seen families where the mother sits with the kids and the father sits somewhere else.]

Airlines used to give out wings to small children — maybe they should also give out binkies to infants.

When we traveled longs distances with our kids, we read books out loud and played card games that can be played side by side (a lot of kid card games require lots of cards, etc which aren’t reasonable on a plane or in a car). On one flight to and from the UK, we read CS Lewis and Tolkien. Our youngest may not have understood all the words, subplots, themes [he was 5], but he was mesmerized by the stories. None of the people surrounding us on the planes complained — some may have been listening; others were wrapped up in their headphones.

“Kids on a Plane” Scariest horror movie ever.

Sometimes the airline gods smile and take pity on us. A few years ago I was on a long inter-continental flight that was packed. Unfortunately, I was seated next to a woman struggling with two bratty kids and a crying baby.

The look of dismay on my face when I saw what I’d have to put up with for many hours in the air, must have been priceless.

The flight attendant, – may she forever be blessed – saw my plight and quietly steered me into a seat in the almost-empty business section. All she said was, “I think you’ll be a little more comfortable here, sir.”

Zoom meetings have some great advantages. But, you need a certain amount of tech savviness to pull it off.

I was just getting seated for a four-hour flight, when a young mother with a large baby settled in next to me, and I’m thinking “Oh, -—-.” Then I see the husband in the aisle, helping them get settled. He had been seated in a different row. I offered to trade seats, so the family could be together – (very selfless of me, right?) and the flight attendant gave me a free drink later for being so accommodating. One of those rare win-win moments.

Ever notice that “Zoom” is kinda like “Kleenex” or “Q-Tips” or “Zippers” or “Scotch tape”? Those aren’t the only commercial offerings in their respective categories, but they’re so dominant in the marketplace that their tradenames have practically become synonymous with the entire type of product.

https://www.faa.gov/travelers/fly_children The safest place for your child under the age of two on a U.S. airplane is in approved child restraint system (CRS) or device, not in your lap. It’s not required by law.

I must have been an odd baby. According to mom and dad I hardly made a peep flying on a seaplane from Pearl Harbor to Alameda, and then puddle jumping on DC-3s back to Chicago, where Dad was to be discharged from the Navy. I was a contented 3-month-old, sleeping most of the time, with attentive stewardesses helping along the way. (Avatar is just before leaving Hawaii.)

The Mile High Club Baby flight

I am still grateful (36 years ago) for the kindness of a fellow passenger who did not get upset when my one year old accidentally squeezed her juice box juice onto the woman’s lap. I also appreciated the mothers and babies lounge on a layover at Salt Lake City (of course!).

Let me tell you 2 reasons why I like Zoom meetings:

 (1) I can do video presentations for which I’ve invested a lot of prep and rehearsal time and which occupy the entire shared screen of the viewers. These are invariably more effective than trying to do the same thing as a slide show on a physical screen at the front of a darkened meeting room.

 (2) My book-discussion and D&D gaming groups now have participants (usually alumni of said groups) from all over the country. We used to have to drive about 10-50 minutes to and from the event venues, and now nobody has to drive at all (let alone a thousand miles).

Yes, I miss the live inter-personal action (and Hope’s brownies), and I’m irritated at having to deal with the occasional technical glitch (tho I’ve learned how to cope with Zoom-bombers), but for my money the benefits of Zooming outweigh the negatives. These days I get all the live inter-personal action I want on the pickleball courts.

Several airline flight attendants unions are trying to ban “Lap Babies” altogether.

I had the misfortune to be on a flight from Nairobi to London that had 14 infants aboard; they were all being adopted in various European countries. The experience led me to learn everything I could about noise canceling headphones.

I’ve calmed down several unhappy babies on flights. One attendant even poured me a free drink and labeled me the ‘baby whisperer’. Nicest thing anyone said to me that week.

Ya had me at “quietly”

whatever they want and don’t tell anybody.

Here’s what I do: go to Etsy, search for hand knit Peruvian finger puppets, buy dozens of them and take them on the trip. Any antsy kid gets to wear a puppy or a llama or a parrot or whatever on their finger, imagination and cuteness overload makes everybody around them smile, meltdowns stop instantly, the parents get to know that older parents out there remember what it’s like, both the joys and the angsts of small kids in public, the knitters in Peru get to put food on the table—and everybody wins.

Back when I was still a productive member of society, I always thought those travel-to meetings were a huge waste. It was pre-Zoom, but telecons with meeting software did what you needed for much less time and money.

…unfortunately his boss is flying in his private jet and won’t have it.

Yup.