Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 08, 2023

Some genius Jeffrey is, he can’t pick up on Danae’s sarcasm.

They do. Do not ask how I know.

wow. now that i think about it, yeah. i have never seen a squirrel poop. now, an eagle? spectacular! aiming their butts over the edge of the nest and then letting er rip!!!

What I’d like to know, it’s what type of droppings squirrels leave behind. Never thought about it before

I thought he was supposed to be smart. Hasn’t he read the book Everybody Poops! by Justine Avery?

They don’t. They just produce peanut butter.

What goes in, must come out.

And wombats poop little cubes.

A grey squirrel comes into our garden every day and I can assure you that squirrels do poop, as my 3-year-old granddaughter loves to point out: “Look, Grandad, squirrel poo!”.

Even Gimli knows they do!

I think that’d be more for the Ig Nobel folks.

I know this is a repeat but I don’t mind because it is a good arc

Our lawn is awash in squirrels, but I’ve never seen their droppings. As I mow the lawn in bare feet, I shall agree with Jeffrey (and Tucker Carlson?) and remain in my ignorant bliss.

If you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.

Whilst raiding our bird feeders, our squirrels leave “nifty” little pellets on the deck railings.

We raised two baby squirrels that we found on the ground by a tree and later released them. They poop. One of them hung around for a couple years afterwards.

Squirrels are very hygenic and discreet.

There was an advert in the 1980´s for Topic that seems appropriate here!

Not only do they not poop, but they also seem to be immortal. The only dead squirrels I’ve ever seen were roadkill, plus one or two that electrocuted themselves shorting out transformers on power poles.

And I’ve never heard a cat fart, or smelled a cat fart, so I maintain cats don’t fart

Next… Does a Bear Poop in the Woods?

Where does a Gorilla poop? Any darn well he wants.

Squirrels don’t poop ? That’s nuts

And they must provide good examples of trying and not winning for other squirrels. There are a couple of dozen squirrels in the neighborhood, that love bird feed. We have a half dozen bird feeders around our deck, all designed to easily feed birds while they frustrate squirrels.

I recognize those with experience. They climb to the rail, travel to each post, look longingly at each hanging feeder. then complete the tour by dropping to the grass below and searching for leftovers.

Newbies, on the other hand, climb the posts, and jump to the feeders. Their weight slides the feeder gates closed. They climb all around them, even hanging upside down on the bottom or trying to tilt the dome to reach feeder. The dome tilts and dumps them 10 feet or so to the ground. They try that with each feeder. No success.

After a few days, I notice there are no more climbers but just ‘tourists’ looking up at the feeders. Evidently the experience and the ‘advice’ of senior squirrels has brought ‘recognition and acceptance’ to their lives. And I appreciate it. : )

Hmmm…do they?

I hear squirrel poop looks like rice. Now I wonder where wild rice really comes from?

How many millions did he get from the government for researching the obvious.

I’m glad you’re done curing cancer, Jeffrey.

Isaac Newton liked to sit under trees, he musta been covered with squirrel feces, and that explains why he died a virgin.

It’s all easy to find in my new book Good Stuff to Know available in any disreputable bookstore. You’ll like it, it’s got pictures and everything.

“Squirrels don’t poop..” Who knew! I feel so …uncultured… for not knowing that.

Ig nobel is on line one!, better chance there, especially if there was grant money involved

Buncha crap!

Hmmm – do or don’t squirrels poop? Time to do some research. Google, here I come!

Next up: How many times a day does a goose poop?

If you live in an area that has snow, you know for a fact that squirls do pee.

Perhaps, but, OH! Do they ever pee a LOT!!! Should be called “Squirtels!”

Sounds like an Ignoble Prize shoe-in

Like the one on the branch above your head?

Our beagle finds squirrel poop to be a delicacy, bunny poop too.

TMI. I don’t want to know.

In defense of squirrels, I had one as a pet years ago, bottle fed and the sweetest thing you could ask for. Played much like a cat. Only issue was for the first year or so her safe spot was on top of my bald head. Which she sunk all 4 feet, claws into . Small price to pay. Tried to bury nuts under the dog. She just growled and let her.

I’ve seen nuttier scientific research projects, but not many

Next project Jeffery; Where are all the dead bird bodies? With billions of birds out there at any given moment, I have seen very few remains… usually cat or road kill.

Do elephants trumpet? Or do t hey prefer the clarinet?

No, they just find it hard to do when they’re being watched.