Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 30, 2023

(firt)

Now serving bad moods

And before you go, you have to wash your own dishes!

And sit up straight.

I was lucky. No one in my family burped at the table.

Just wondering, has anyone ever seen a restaurant named “Dad’s”?

Tough Love

Now go read “F Minus”.

Mom, bless her soul. Would have never said that to anyone. My sister, however…

Roger that.

It would speed up the service.

And for your own home kitchen, several novelty type catalogs have a wall plaque that reads “Mom’s Kitchen, Today’s Menu, Take It or Leave It.”

“You’re not going to wear THAT to your big meeting are you?”

He will have to wrestle her for the pot of coffee. She appears to have a firm grip on the handle.

Kind of defeats the purpose of having a diner.

I once went to a diner for breakfast with a group of regulars. Before ordering, I noticed the platters being served were buried in hash browned potatoes. I like hash browns; but asked for a “half order of potatoes” with my #3. The waitress smiled; and the rest of my table hung their head.

I barely could tell where to dig for my eggs & sausage. The girl waited for my comment then replied, “Cook doesn’t make substitutions.”

More funny if she was holding her own mug of coffee and not the pot of coffee. JM2¢

(⁠☞⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)⁠☞. That means you buddy boy. LOL!

“Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are greater than your own.” Nelson Algren

They say that sometimes you can’t go home again. I say sometimes you don’t want to.

Shades of my mom! At home, her favourite saying was, “This ISN’T a restaurant!”…she used to be a waitress.

Wait’ll he finds out he’s expected to bus his dishes too. :-D

I like the “urp” from diner #2

Kiss my grits!

You know what else I don’t do when I eat at home? Get a bill.

… and don’t forget to do your dishes before you leave, young man!

What do you think we’re doing here – running a restaurant?

I don’t want to pay for being treated like family. I pay for service. Sass I can get for free.

I actually have done that when the tea pitcher is sitting on the cart and the waitress has been back to check on us. I was no big deal.

Most convincing explanation I ever heard about anything: “Because I’m the mom, that’s why!”

I’ll be happy to serve myself, ma’am. But I trust you understand that I will also be tipping the server. 8>)

I’ll never forget being sassed by an ancient waitress at a truck stop in Texas at 3:00 a.m.

I told her I’d been married to a woman older than she was.

She told me she had buried three husbands. “They’re out back. Want to see ’em?”

Later she came back to tell me that the truck drivers come in all zoned out at that time of night and will sit and stare at the menu for half an hour, if you don’t prod them with some outrageous conversation.

This is why Sheldon Cooper doesn’t like Olive Garden.

And you’ll get the same tip I leave at home. Zip.

“Don’t play with your food!”

My wife and I were at a nice Italian restaurant in New York a while ago. We both ordered something with a red sauce, maybe lasagna. The waiter, who reminded me of my uncle, asked if I wanted some Parmesan cheese on that. Sure, and he put a little on. I said a little more and he said no, that’s enough and walked away. He was right.

When the plates came, my plate had more grits on it than both of theirs combined. I had a similar experience at Ft. Gordon, Ga. in 1967. Sitting down to breakfast at a local dinner with 2 friends who ordered eggs, bacon and grits, I told the waitress, “eggs, bacon, no grits.” She looked at me in shock and replied, “No grits?” What followed was almost a vaudeville routine, “No Grits?, No, Ma’am, no grits. No Grits?, No Ma’am, no grits. No Grits?, No Ma’am, no grits.” She walked away from the table, shaking her head, softly murmuring, “No grits.”

My 2 friends, both from the South, laughed and said, “You’re getting grits.”

When the plates came, my plate had more grits on it than both of theirs combined. I had a similar experience at Ft. Gordon, Ga. in 1967. Sitting down to breakfast at a local dinner with 2 friends who ordered eggs, bacon and grits, I told the waitress, “eggs, bacon, no grits.” She looked at me in shock and replied, “No grits?” What followed was almost a vaudeville routine, “No Grits?, No, Ma’am, no grits. No Grits?, No Ma’am, no grits. No Grits?, No Ma’am, no grits.” She walked away from the table, shaking her head, softly murmuring, “No grits.”

My 2 friends, both from the South, laughed and said, “You’re getting grits.”

When the plates came, my plate had more grits on it than both of theirs combined. I had a similar experience at Ft. Gordon, Ga. in 1967. Sitting down to breakfast at a local dinner with 2 friends who ordered eggs, bacon and grits, I told the waitress, “eggs, bacon, no grits.” She looked at me in shock and replied, “No grits?” What followed was almost a vaudeville routine, “No Grits?, No, Ma’am, no grits. No Grits?, No Ma’am, no grits. No Grits?, No Ma’am, no grits.” She walked away from the table, shaking her head, softly murmuring, “No grits.”My 2 friends, both from the South, laughed and said, “You’re getting grits.”

Leaving a tip for a family member would be gauche.

I use grits to patch holes in the driveway. Works great!

when I see cartoons with a waitress like this all I can think of is Jack Nickolson’s response in Five Easy Pieces.

I think it was Nelson Algren had a list of don’ts that began with, “Never eat at a place called Mom’s.”

For added information about farina and grits, the primary difference between farina and grits is that farina is wheat and grits is corn.

Went to a cafe like that. Waited for coffee until the owner/cook told me it wasn’t going to pour itself (BTW the food was excellent).

It’s not all bad. I was sitting at a restaurant counter, sketching the waitress, because I could get the same view everytime she came back from the kitchen. She came out carrying a tray of food and had to step around a toddler wandering around loose. She bent down, snatched a toothpick out of his mouth, and continued on her way. Seconds later, the kid fell down on his face. She probably saved that child from serious injury – all in a day’s work.

i ate there

I would never go anyplace where they “treat you like family”. I moved out at age 18 to get away from my family.

Mom is about to learn that family members don’t get tips.

But Wyatt, at the next table seems quite happy.

What’s that thing in his left hand?

/s.

I refuse to get involved in a theological discussion….

The Hazard of a policy like that is the customers who go to the refrigerator and drink the milk out of the carton.

Go to your room!

The coffee bins are usually BEHIND the counter,where customers aren’t allowed to go.

And remember the Flintstones—-Sam Mudder’s Diner

For many families, that would not be a selling point.

Bad Yelp review for Mom’s Home Diner incoming.

“And don’t forget to make a fresh pot if you take the last cup.”

A lot of stores seem to treat me like family these days, lol.

Annnnd here goes the tip!!

Yes, there is!

I never tipped for meals at home. But I did get an allowance of $20 a week. So I would expect to be paid $20 upon leaving the establishment. I presume the old guy in the next booth is dad?

Urp

There was a restaurant here in Vancouver BC that was locally famous for its sass, abuse, and attitude. And yes, requests for water or coffee refills were always met with “Get it yourself!”

(Personally, I never had much trouble there—I’d treat the servers with cordial respect, and they would respond with professionalism and efficiency. I suppose that there were many who enjoyed abusive banter and played along with the game.)

(Once, my order was very late in coming. I didn’t mind—I wasn’t in a hurry—but the wait staff was very apologetic. I think I said something like, “I don’t demand abuse, but you’re overdoing the apologies.”)

https://www.straight.com/food/1158106/end-sarcastic-era-sassy-lgbt-brunch-spot-elbow-room-cafe-closes-its-davie-street

Yeah, well, you’re holding the the jug, so while you’re up …