Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler for September 29, 2023

Priorities

So, he’s comfortable with responsibility and familiar with asset management.

But can he choose a channel?

Tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

You were in charge of the TV remote? Y’know, it’s really not a good idea to lie on your resume …

He conducted a 167 piece entertainment ensemble.

Mine was turning the antenna

My first job was BEING the TV remote.But we only had 3 channels so it wasn’t to arduous.

Given the increased complexity of current remotes, that ain’t a bad job reference. Received a new one with replacement dvr. Looks fine. Lots of buttons with what I first thought were tiny designs. Much to my surprise they turned out to be the labels for the buttons. So now the magnifying glass I keep handy for medicine labels, cooking instructions and how to instructions remains by my chair. Guess I better get at least one more just in case I can’t find it.

A MAN in charge of the remote? Not in my household ..where there no longer is a man. lol

…and how many did you delegate to get the drinks and snacks?

My first job was a doorman at a cat house.

Saturday morning is my “computer time.” It’s when I clean up things on my computer and clean out old emails and such. Once a month, it’s bill paying day (I run on a fiscal month – I pay whatever bills I have on the 20th of the month with whatever money I have on the 20th of the month). This practice harkens back to the day when the bank mailed out the paper statement to me on the 15th of the month and bills were due on the first.

Today’s saga was programming the new remote. We have Direct TV, the good news that Direct TV doesn’t sell remotes anymore for $25 but have 3rd party vendors (like Walmart) that sell them for about $9 and you don’t have to wait 10 days to have it shipped. Instead you have to wait three days for Walmart to get it out of the back room and move it to the front desk and then go to the store to pick it up.

The remote came in a box big enough for a small air conditioning unit.

The other good news is that Direct TV uses the same remote for all of their boxes. The bad news is that you have to tell the remote what TV you are using.

As I sat at my computer in my den, from the other room I am hearing a commotion. My wife was using words that a longshoreman would pass on and was stringing them together in the most creative fashion. I figured that she must have been trying to program the remote. I stayed away until the snarling and profanity subsided. Then, offering a fresh cup of coffee as a peace offering, I entered her room.

I’ve decided that Direct TV (and other vendors) have it out for us senior citizens. They print the instructions in 4-point type which requires an electron-scanning microscope to read. Donning two sets of glasses (don’t tell me you’ve never done this – wait, it will happen to you), I dove into the instructions.

Since I have a degree in electrical engineering I decided to try my hand at it. Technically speaking, the instructions are correct, however they left out one key caution that I will tell you about later.

After failing on my third attempt, I broke down and called for technical assistance. AT&T is pretty good about answering the phone, although it takes a while to get through the robot menu and then you have to verify all the account information and confirm date of birth, social security number, bank account information, dog’s maiden name and nuclear missile launch codes when you finally get through to the representative.

The representative asked me if I was having I good day. I responded, “It won’t be good until I can figure out how far I can throw this thing.” Fortunately, he got the humor.

So about 10 minutes into the call, we finally get technical and the representative walks me through the same steps I’ve already done. There is a step that brings up a menu and you are to select “Parental Controls” – very intuitive when what you want to do is tell the remote which TV it is to control.

But buried beneath that menu is “Remote Setup.” Now, I’m in the “red zone.” I figure if I got this close, I should at least come away with a field goal. I clicked it and it gave me a list of TV manufactures from which to select. Bad luck for me: I have a Sony, so I had to scroll past 687 other manufacturers in alphabetical order to get to it. I’m glad we did not buy a Zenith.

But I’ve been there before and pressed on (figuratively and literally on the buttons) to the point where I was instructed to hold the Mute and Select buttons simultaneously while facing Mecca and bowing. So, with one hand I pressed Mute and the other Select while my third hand was holding the phone and looked for the green light on the remote to flash twice. This reminded me of the childhood challenge to rub my stomach in a circular motion while patting my head with the other hand.

The representative asked me if I could see codes for my model and told me to enter one of the codes. Nothing happened. And here is the failure in the instructions: he then went on to say, “Immediately after the light on the remot

The representative asked me if I could see codes for my model and told me to enter one of the codes. Nothing happened. And here is the failure in the instructions: he then went on to say, “Immediately after the light on the remote flashes, enter the code.”

This reminded me of the episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye and BJ have to disarm a bomb and were receiving instructions over the radio. “Cut the red wire … but first …”

So I repeated my three-handed operation followed immediately by code punching. This time it took.

I entered the lowest code available since my TV is a prehistoric, coal-burning, steam-powered, CRT model dating back the Regan Administration. I expected a message to come up on the TV stating, “You got to be kidding me. This thing is still working?” I wasn’t and it was and mission was accomplished.

The process only took about 35 minutes and took a trained engineer, two adults and a dog to complete. The dog was absolutely useless in the process, but provided great moral support. Ain’t technology grand?

Dogs make great companions. He was the only one who wasn’t swearing during the process. He kind of sat there the whole time with a look on his face that said, “Tell me when we get to the part where the tennis ball is involved.”

Clearly he lived alone.

I definitely need to be in charge of the TV remote. Whenever my wife has it, nothing ever happens and I have to reach for it and do it anyway

That was my first job too. Dad would tell me to change the channel, I’d get up and turn the nob on the set. Wasn’t too hard as there were only three channels to choose from.

i guess i’m old, first job used to be to BE the remote

You’re hired!

That was before he got married.

I’m not in charge of the remote. I have expanded my powers and am in charge of batteries.

He really knows how to push people’s buttons.

Management potential…