Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 27, 2023

My outgoing message is: “You have the wrong number.”

I expect everyone who calls Rat will ask him why he even has a phone.

Steph is in jail in San Diego, calls Rat to help post bail, and gets that new message. It must really hurt to be Steph.

Hope Rat and Pig and the others are doing okay now that Stephan has been arrested (see yesterday’s comic).

Long, long ago, even before answering machines, I knew a guy who answered his phone by saying, “Speak.”

That IS the old one, Pig!

A – female – friend of mine once had the message from “The Rockford files” on her answering machine. When her mother called for the first time, she hung up immediately.

I have “Fowl Play” from the Baja Marimba band on mine, scares away Robocallers!

I hate rats who have hateful outgoing phone messages.

ooohhh you dirty rat

“Text! Text me! What were you thinking?”

Does this mean that Rat never got Stephan’s 1 phone call from jail? If the jail has a library, maybe Stephan could sign some books there.

Say “I can’t hear you” several times then say “I’m deaf”

That is Our Hero, Rat’s, old one. The new on is even worse.

The Count’s is “No, I am pleased with my electric plan and have no intention of making a donation to the widows’ and orphans’ fund for an organization that does not exist”.

The old one was probably worse.

I have one-upped Rat by simply not having a phone. Not that anyone would have called me anyway.

Rat IS my spirit animal!!!

I used to do funny ones back in the 90’s

No, no, I think the new one works perfect for Rat.

My outgoing message would be similar to Rat’s. Never have I been called a “people person.” And I hate answering the phone.

I once left an outgoing message as Ned Flanders: “Hi-Diddly-Hi, friends and neighbors, I can’t come to the phone right now, I’m off at Bible Camp, learning how to be judgmental. Leave a message, I’ll get back to you shortly. Okely Dokely, Bye now”.

If that’s his new voice mailbox, I’d hate to see what his old one sounds like.

My outgoing message is. Very outgoing.

The snottiest answering message I ever heard was one that included “I’ll return your call at my convenience.”

Mine isn’t even set up. I don’t give strangers (or even people like the doctor or dentist) my number. If they want me, call my landline.

Some messages are so stupid….like Rats!

I’m sure the old message was just as unfriendly

My outgoing message: “Hello. I screen all calls. Introduce yourself and I may pick up the phone. Otherwise, leave a message.”. I never answer the phone unless I recognize the caller ID.

Where phones are concerned, Rat is my spirit animal. My smartphone is my only phone, & I use it for everything EXCEPT talking!

I’ll be glad when Medicare open enrollment is over. My answer machine says “leave a message”, but all they say is, “Hello” a couple of times. I have picked up a few times when I was right by the phone. They are wanting me to change my Part D provider.

I know that Rat, Pig, and Goat all (supposedly) live in the same house. Are we supposed to think that Stephan lives there, too?

Try George Costanza’s.

Just use Dorothy Parker’s method of answering the door “What fresh Hell can this be?”

One of the best I ever heard was Phil Harris from DEADLIEST CATCH: “Hey, this is Phil, leave a message. If it’s important, I’ll get back to you. If I don’t get back to you, then you know why.”

I don’t know what my outgoing message is, but I do know I finally have a full mailbox, so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. Anyone who knows me knows that if I don’t answer the call, I will either call them back or they can text me.

Tape answering machines were fun and people got creative with their outgoing messages. I think that’s a lost art now

Rat, I love this message; going to try and talk the rest of the family into letting me use it on the landline. It did cut the number of stupid calls down after putting the number into the Do No Call registry, and it still gets 20-30 every day.

Rat also offers a line of ungreeting cards for all occasions.

We have “Welcome to the voice mail at [the name of our home], where [my name] and [my wife’s name] are screening calls, because most of our calls lately have been from robocallers and spambots. If you’re a human being with reason to talk to us, please tell us so and we’ll get back to you when we can. Thanks.” I think that about says it.

Why, Pig? The old one was probably not much politer. And at least you have inspired Rat to make a Change!

Some time ago, my outgoing message was a “doctored” version of Cheech and Chong’s “Dave’s Not Here, Man”.

Hmm.. that does have a nice ‘ring’ to it..

That’s a good one