Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for January 06, 2024

Hey, it’s fresh water!

That’s why I make sure I have a piece of wood to touch when I accidentally say something that might bring down the wrath of the imps.

In the springtime, which won’t be for a while.

Thatr’s what he thinks. How did he get an Uber way out there?

Set up a way to capture fresh water.

As long as you’re still alive, things can always get worse!

NEVER say that.

Now the tide will come in.

Hey, well look at that, things got worse.

There is always more, and it is always worse.

Oh look! It’s not snow. It’s radioactive fallout!

My entire philosophy of life is based on the dialogue to this effect between Marty Feldman and Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein.

Oh, I suspect that things are going to get much worse for you very soon.

It could be volcanic ash, and then worst of all a pyroclastic flow.

That statement fails in so many ways.

“Smile” they said, “it could be worse.” So I smiled and, sure enough, it got worse.

Look at the bright side. Now we can have a snowball fight.

Climate change is a hoax. It always snows on tropical islands.

Dam climate change….it’s everywhere!

Now there’s something I never thought about: does it snow over (on, in?) the ocean??? . . .sigh. . .on to google. . .

… and then the ground cracked open and smoke began to escape…

Mother Nature strikes back.

The weight of the snow caused the island to sink.

Reminds me of an old Doonesbury storyarc where Duke was the Governor of American Samoa. The island has gone through a series of natural disasters, and Duke is standing calf deep in the water, dictating a letter to his aide MacArthur; when it starts to snow.

Duke looks up and says, “I’m a reasonable man MacArthur, so I know this isn’t snow.” To which, MacArthur replies, “Pay it no mind Excellency, it never sticks.”

The tsunami will wash away the snow in a few minutes

That is what I said three years ago after those Americans visited our nations capital.

Boy, i hope they have salt

Wait until he discovers his island is actually dirt on the back of a giant whale shark that’s decided to finally move & dive to deeper water.

“A violent death is the LAST thing I want to have happen to you.” Tea Time, Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett.

You should say “things can only get better”

And then the island shakes, and smoke starts rising from the ground…

 Where were YOU 3 years ago?

I was …

John Doe: … at work, trying to earn a living.

Mary Moe: … still recovering from COVID.

Robin Retiree: … home watching TV, barely believing what was going down.

Mike Pence: … preparing to count the legally cast electoral votes for president.

Ron Johnson: … trying to slip an envelope of fake Wisconsin electors to Pence.

Enrique Tarrio: … leading my Proud Boys in an assault on the US Capitol.

Mike Fantone: … doing my duty.

Josh Hawley: … running for my life.

Donald Trump: … masterminding a plot to overthrow the US government.

“When chewin’ on life’s gristle, don’t grumble, give a whistle!”

What are the 2 things on the right front of the island? They sort of look like slinkys

Never say it can’t get worse. The Universe loves a challenge.

At least you now have drinkable water.

Well – - there’s sea level rise from global warming

He said that just before he got frostbite

Cue the meteor!

Oh it will get worse. Just wait until the sea level rises a bit more and you no longer have an island.

…and when the island sinks under rising ocean levels?

Out of the mist, he sees an enormous iceberg heading straight for them.

And somehow it just snowballed from there.

Does that work?

And this is when sea levels started rising in good earnest.

At least they now have drinkable water source.

At least now their beer will be cold. Oh, wait….

Cue the “rogue wave”.

I figure if I can imagine something even a tiny bit worse that that’s the best I can hope for. Like in this case 2 degrees colder.

Obviously, Wiley isn’t an acolyte of Saint Albert of Gore nor of the Prophet Mann, the high priests of Global Warming, Cooling or Whatever (your choice).

Is that snow or volcanic ash?

…he says, as the crest of the approaching giant rogue wave appears in the distance…

I ran a library in a major corporation for a number of years, and I had a very bright woman assistant. Just occasionally she (or I) would remark “Isn’t it quiet today” and you could bet that within 10 minutes staff would be lined up 3 deep waiting for service. We finally figured that there was an “Evil Library Fairy” living in the rafters hearing what we were saying, and making it so that we had been wishing too hard for what we wanted – a nice quiet time to get on with the stuff that needed doing – and made it ‘not so’. Consequently, whenever one of us started to say anything like it, we’d say "No, no, the Evil Library Fairy is listening’. The Evil Library Fairy has been doing the rounds in disparate libraries ever since.

STOP SAYING THAT… oh never mind, too late…

It’s all good about the knocking of wood, but there are deeper, more ancient methods that understand the secrets hidden under brambles!

Don’t bother knocking. They know you are there and what you want. Pay the respect anyway.