Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for April 06, 2024

I think your hat’s screwed on too tight.

That’s the truth for someone like me with thumb arthritis.

Gets pet Ninja Sloth. He opens him in no time.

The only thing i ever see in cartons these days, is Malt Balls.

Once he opened up, he was compleatly drained.

He has a sour disposition!

I do keep a small knife close by for that reason.

They’re in therapy because she found out he was corkscrewing another woman.

We buy the milk cartons with the screw cap on them. I find the milk lasts longer than the old style where you had to rip them open.

And he’s gone sour on me!

When they brought in those disposable cartons, Dad opened it and tut tutted about how the thing didn’t close properly, the milk would go bad faster. He was right.

i am tempted to write the CEOs of various companies to ask them what weapon they advise to open certain packages. Many products (especially “clamshell” wrapped) come in packaging that requires some kind of tool to open. Often a sharp object.

I wonder how many emergency room admissions there are because people just wanted to eat some peanuts.

Don’t get me started on jars: I don’t have a pipe wrench in my garage large enough for most of them.

Your already ahead, don’t milk it buster.

You’re the one who keeps everything bottled up!

When I was in grade school [late ‘50s], they began the School Milk program and every day we had a morning break and got to have a carton of milk and eat a snack [if we brought one]. There were 36 kids in my class and so they brought in 3 dozen little cartons — 6 of which would be chocolate milk. It was a mad scramble to get there in time to get one of those prizes. It was always a challenge to open the carton, even after they started having a hole in the top and a straw [we learned to use our pencils to pop the hole]. But at least we didn’t have to worry about closing the cartons afterward.

He’s a tough nut to crack.

In Canada, milk comes in a plastic bag. You have special bag holders for them. I am so glad that I no longer drink milk.

Not as bad as a bottle of Tylenol.

Sure, you say you want him to spill, but then you cry over it.

Well he is going to spoil a whole lot faster than Ms. plastic-bottle-with-a-screw-on-cap, so his cost of opening is much higher than hers. Much more vulnerable to accidental spillage and picking up nasty odors from the other fridge contents too.

Very clever comic.

“You know what it’s like carton his @ss around?”

“Now, remember, we’re not all screw-tops who can just twist our emotions on and off. "

My cap’s off to Mr. Parisi for this one.

Studies have shown that Most relationships fail because of overzealous Packaging.

I see several deer outside! (yes, I have ADD)

It’s one of my super powers. Able to open milk cartons neatly. Very cute cartoon.

Don’t cry over spilled milk when he finally opens up.