Agnes by Tony Cochran for April 08, 2024

From Not Always Right: Service That Leaves Not Mushroom For Improvement

I’ve got a pair of regular customers who are just absolutely adorable: a father and his little girl. Their usual order is a small cheese pizza for the little one.

One day, the father called in and ordered his daughter’s usual pizza. He then asked if we had mushrooms, intending to order a second pizza for himself that day. However, the little girl overheard the dreaded M-word uttered from her father’s mouth. From my end of the phone, I heard this typically angelic child absolutely melt down crying at the thought of having mushrooms on her pizza, not understanding at all that it was never for her. Her father interrupted himself upon hearing this, as he is absolutely wrapped around this girl’s sweet little finger, and told me never mind the second pizza.

That is when I knew what I had to do. I prepared two pizzas: one mushroom and one cheese. I paid for the mushroom one myself.

They came in, I handed them both pizzas, and this man started absolutely sobbing in my lobby. Apparently, they were tight on money this month, and this was the act of kindness that turned his whole outlook around.

He thanked me profusely, and a few weeks later came back with a teddy bear and flowers for me, all smiles. This time, it was my turn to cry, as customers had been berating me all week and I was beginning to feel really underappreciated.

They come back regularly still, and his girl is just as sweet as ever — no tears. They’re still some of my favorite customers in my fifteen years of pizza.

(Not my story)

There are already too many unfunny “comics” out there.

Today’s For Better or for Worse fits the bill.

“Scalped” is a graphic novel set on a 2000s era Indian Reservation. Lincoln Red Crow is trying to open a casino and the FBI is after him for a decades old murder. If you want a tragic comic that’s a good place to start.

Commiseration through Catharsis

Agnes is already tragic enough as she is.

At least she’s not pitching the syndicates about a new drug supplier in Columbia

Anyone here old enough to remember “Mary Worth”? That was a tragic strip.

Weren’t we all forced to learn history?

But Funky Cancerbean has already been done.

John Deering has the market cornered…..

Make ’Em Laugh

Song by Donald O’Connor

“Make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh

Don’t you know everyone wants to laugh?

My dad said "Be and actor, my son

But be a comical one"

They’ll be standing in lines

For those old honky-tonk monkeyshines

Or can study Shakespeare and be quite elite

And you could charm the critics and have nothing to eat

Just slip on a banana peel, the world’s at you feet

Make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh

Make ’em laugh

Don’t you know everyone wants to laugh?

My grandpa said "Go out and tell them a joke

But give it plenty of hoke"

Make ’em roar, make ’em scream

Take a fall, butt a wall, split a seam

You could start by pretending you’re a dancer with grace

You wiggle ‘till they’re giggling all over the place

And then you get a great big custard pie in the face

Make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh

Make ’em laugh

Don’t you know… all the… want

They’ll be standing in lines

For those old honky-tonk monkeyshines

Make ’em laugh

Make ’em laugh

Make ’em laugh

Make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh"

Trout, you would be surprised as to how many mornings I wake up crying lately. Or I wake up having a panic attack then I cry. It is truly difficult to deal with this just about everyday.

Interesting idea, Agnes. But you might want to come up with some solid ideas and sample comics before you start trying to pitch to the syndicates. Truly one of those cases where a picture is worth a thousand words.