Wizard of Id by Parker and Hart for April 27, 2024

Next cut of a hand or leg and poke out your eye.

Arrrrrr…!!

Yo ho yo ho a pirate’s life for me!

To err is to be human,

To Arr is to be pirate…..

They’re having yo ho ho’s to go with their bottles of rum.

Next? Says shivers me teembers and walks the plank.

“Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest,

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum,

Drink and the Devil had done for the rest,

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!"

Why is pirating so addictive?

They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

Who gets all their movies for free?

Pirates!

What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?

He got marooned.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

What does a pirate name his dog?

The Plank. That’s why he’s always walking The Plank.

How do pirates know that they are pirates?

They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!

My favourite line from Pirates of the Caribbean: “Why is the rum always gone?” [stumble] “Oh…that’s why.”

three sheets to the wind

Easy on that stuff, Bung. It’ll make you grog-gy.

So they now follow FedEx, UPS and Amazon trucks as they make their rounds making deliveries.

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

“Of seeming arms to make a short essay,

Then hasten to be drunk, the business of the day…."

Cymon and Iphigenia. by John Dryden

But I don’t WANNA be a pirate!

To quote the late Toby Kieth. “Rum is the reason Pirates never ruled the world”

Party on……..

Now we find buried treasure! YARRRR!

A drunk crew will be easy pickins for the real pirates.

To many movies. You are trying to make a pirate’s life glamorous. Ask a modern day pirate how glamorous a pirate’s life is! Taking after a container ship in a leaking used fishing tub off the coast of Somalia. The container ship makes a sharp turn and smashes your tub under it’s keel. Or worst the Navy shows up and “bang” your dead. Also no one rescues a pirate in the open sea. And if your lucky and capture a ship, you don’t get any money, a warlord in Mogadishu gets the money.

Something about a dead man’s chest.

15 men on a dead man’s chest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. 15 men and the devil had the rest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

‘Black Sails’ is now on Netflix, one of the best series I ever watched

“Why is the rum always gone..?” – Captain Jack Sparrow.

Why is the rum always gone?

A rum go, and no mistake!

The risks of success….

Wenches! That’s what’s next, wenches and more wenches.