Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for June 03, 2024

“—and still younger’n Ed Crankshaft!”

Okay, two identifiable jokes! Twice as many as we didn’t get last week!For you who’ve never read Funky…This town’s post office was exploded by terrorists. SENIOR SOFTBALL is what the EVENING TV NEWS covers now. What’s their second story, “94 Year Old Tries to Blow Out Candles, Breathes His Last Gasp”?

“Matty has won his heart’s desire! He made it to first base at last! And from now on, he will be used as first base.”

(ED nudges Matty with his toe) “Let’s PLAY BALL afore he starts to stink up the place!”

Well, hit my hinder and call me Spanky! It’s a second week of Crankshaft in “Crankshaft”! And we’re actually seeing the Senior Softball League in…well, if not “action,” then something close to it. And wow, what a clever name for a Senior team…“Oldtimers”. Was ’Fogeys" taken?

By the by, if Ed is canonically a WWII vet who played minor league ball in the 1940s, wouldn’t that make him over 94? When will Batiuk retcon it so he’s now a 70-year-old Vietnam veteran who went to Kent State just a few years before his daughter Pmm?

Matty Kornbluth is the little-remembered seventh cousin twice removed of Cyril M. Kornbluth, who penned the SF classic “The Marching Morons.” Matty had to settle for writing “The Doddering Dimwits.”

All those candles might get the firemen called in!

Oh no, a cake with all those candles, all that fire and the king of the pyromaniacs is holding it.

…and don’t give him the old “you’re only as old as you feel.” crap because as soon as you reach 70… you feel OLD!

Well Cranky is in his own strip and they are back in Centerville. But shouldn’t Ed be making Matty run to 2nd base to get his cake?

Why do they need to do news report on this?

Good answer Matty.

Why are they all wearing truckers hats?

Goes for the century old timer. You can does that!

The newspaper covers this league, the TV news covers the league. I play in a Senior League and if we’re lucky we get a spectator attendance of 3 people.

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m ninety-four? (my apologies to Sir Paul.)

Love the black and gold shirts…..cake before the game for energy!

That’s a lot of candles on that cake, Ed. Don’t set Sparky on fire!

Well drawn, Clever, worth the read - despite the naysayers and their too tight underwear

pop clutch didnt live long enough to make the team

And with today’s strip, we have SOLID, CONCRETE EVIDENCE that Batty Whack can’t be bothered to remember what he wrote JUST THREE DAYS AGO!

On Friday, Crankshaft said that the team plays at the “City Rec Ball Fields”.

TODAY, news gal says they are at the “Centerville Ball Field”.

I will NOT accept the excuse that they voted to change the name of the field between Friday and today.

Bottom of the ninth, two out, bases loaded, Oldtimers down by one run with Ed on third. Ralph strokes a long line drive to right field. The outfielder has to chase it, misses the cutoff man, pitcher has to scramble for the ball…

And then we see Ed ambling down the base line with two runners right behind him, still twenty feet from the plate. The pitcher tosses the ball to the catcher, forcing Ed and ending the game. Oldtimers lose.

After the loss, everyone asks Ed why he didn’t run, or at least walk, to score the tying run. He answers that he was trying to break the record for number of runners backed up behind him.

Somewhere, the ghost of Pop Clutch smirks approvingly.

And in the stands, the town chiropractor rubs his hands together gleefully; anticipating a heckuva lot of bonus money

Reminds me (yet again)of the young fellow (they always send a young one) from a local newspaper in Sweden interviewing a woman on her 100th birthday.

He: “How does it feel to have reached the grand old age of 100?”

She: “Not much different from 99.”