A group of young twenty-somethings are buying a large selection of high-end liquor.
Me: As I am checking out their items. “Wow, must be some party!”
Customer: “It’s a friend’s deportation party.”
Me: Shocked. “Oh no! I’m so sorry!”
Customer: “Oh, it’s fine! It’s rich people deportation! Her parents just bought a six-bedroom townhouse in London to hide her in until she gives birth to her driver’s baby!”
I Can Come Down There And Beat You At Your Own Game, Pal
I am working the checkout at a department store. As will become depressingly irrelevant, I am of Indian ethnic origin. A customer is paying for a coffee machine. He hands me the empty display box, so I have just come from a back room with a new sealed box containing the machine.
Customer: “So are you one of the good ones, or are you a terrorist?”
Me: “Total, 100% terrorist, sir. I am here to blow up your buildings and steal all your women. Or is it steal all your buildings and blow up your women? I’m a little fuzzy on the details.”
Customer: “That’s not very funny.”
Me: “Neither is assuming I might be a terrorist based on the color of my skin so here we are. Please leave and enjoy your extra special heavy box that I just got from the back juuuust for you. I heard this one makes the coffee taste extra… explosive.”
The customer isn’t apologetic by any means, but he is blessingly silent. I also see him open the box at the end of the counter before leaving, just to check that all the pieces were present and correct I’m sure…
My wife is the CEO of an engineering firm. They got an insanely large contract that they needed to farm out parts of, so they invited a highly-rated firm for discussion.
Wife: “I notice that you import [expensive component] from Taiwan. Do those come via shipping container through the Suez Canal, and if so, can we expect potential delays we’d need to account for in case there’s a repeat of the Ever Given?”
One of the representatives of the other firm looked to the men in the room.
Representative: “Why is the secretary asking all the questions?”
It took about five minutes to inform the representative that he had just cost his firm that highly lucrative contract, and she would be calling his CEO to tell him exactly how and why that went down.
I wait for her to finish what she was saying. She stops talking and looks at me.
Me: “Okay. Is there something I can help you with?”
Customer: “I need to get a steak for my husband. I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Sure. Do you know what kind of steak he likes?”
Customer: “He said he likes fillets. I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Okay. I’ve got sirloin fillets and tenderloin fillets. Probably…”
Customer: “I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Both are good steaks. The tenderloin is going to be better. It’s kinda the top level for steaks.”
Customer: “I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Let’s go with the tenderloin fillet.”
I wrap up the steak. She holds it with two fingers, like it’s a dirty diaper. She starts to walk away with a look of disgust on her face. She stops, and turns back to me.
I have just refused to sell liquor to two very young-looking teens who don’t have ID.
Me: “I’m afraid that without ID you will need to leave. Unaccompanied minors aren’t allowed in liquor stores in this state.”
They return ten minutes later with their dad.
Customer’s Dad: “You kicked out my kids for not having ID?! That’s so f****** disrespectful! They are so upset! You embarrassed and almost traumatized them by calling them out like that! Who the f*** do you think you are?!”
My customer service face cracks and I let out a little smile. One of the teens notices this.
Customer: “What’s so f****** funny?!”
Me: “Do you really think that tattling to your dad is going to convince me that you’re old enough to buy alcohol?”
My wife likes to cook. I like to eat. The system works very well. My wife is also a nurse and she is aware of good nutrition, so she can make the good stuff taste good. My problem is not with eating too much bad stuff, it’s with eating too much good stuff.
This is not to say that I don’t ever eat junk food, but when I do, I sin big. I don’t go for McDonald’s or Burger King or Wendy’s; I head for Hardees, according to the book, “Eat This – Not That” they have the most unhealthy burgers of any major chain. I used to eat there twice a year, I haven’t been back since the pandemic.
The last time I had a Big Mac, the calendar year started with 19.
I also have one donut per decade. I still have not had my 2020’s donut.
Just read the ingredients that go into your favorite junk food[s], if there’s more chemicals than actual ingredients, it goes back onto the shelf. I’m no chemical engineer, but if I need to be one just to understand what’s in Doritos, then I no longer buy Doritos.
I’m convinced it was part of the curse of Eden that never got transcribed into Genesis. “And God said…because thou hast eaten of the fruit which I commanded you not to eat, that which is pleasing to the eye and palate shall bring to you obesity, malady, and early death; while the nutrition required to maintain ideal health shall be contained only in foods which ye shall find to be distasteful and a stench in your nostrils until your dying day. I, the LORD, have spoken!”
Yakety Sax 17 days ago
Please Be A Prank, Please Be A Prank…, Part 6
A group of young twenty-somethings are buying a large selection of high-end liquor.
Me: As I am checking out their items. “Wow, must be some party!”
Customer: “It’s a friend’s deportation party.”
Me: Shocked. “Oh no! I’m so sorry!”
Customer: “Oh, it’s fine! It’s rich people deportation! Her parents just bought a six-bedroom townhouse in London to hide her in until she gives birth to her driver’s baby!”
Me: “Should… should she be drinking?”
Customer: “Duh! That’s what the prosecco is for!”
Yakety Sax 17 days ago
I Can Come Down There And Beat You At Your Own Game, Pal
I am working the checkout at a department store. As will become depressingly irrelevant, I am of Indian ethnic origin. A customer is paying for a coffee machine. He hands me the empty display box, so I have just come from a back room with a new sealed box containing the machine.
Customer: “So are you one of the good ones, or are you a terrorist?”
Me: “Total, 100% terrorist, sir. I am here to blow up your buildings and steal all your women. Or is it steal all your buildings and blow up your women? I’m a little fuzzy on the details.”
Customer: “That’s not very funny.”
Me: “Neither is assuming I might be a terrorist based on the color of my skin so here we are. Please leave and enjoy your extra special heavy box that I just got from the back juuuust for you. I heard this one makes the coffee taste extra… explosive.”
The customer isn’t apologetic by any means, but he is blessingly silent. I also see him open the box at the end of the counter before leaving, just to check that all the pieces were present and correct I’m sure…
Yakety Sax 17 days ago
Making No Secret(ary) Of His Sexism
My wife is the CEO of an engineering firm. They got an insanely large contract that they needed to farm out parts of, so they invited a highly-rated firm for discussion.
Wife: “I notice that you import [expensive component] from Taiwan. Do those come via shipping container through the Suez Canal, and if so, can we expect potential delays we’d need to account for in case there’s a repeat of the Ever Given?”
One of the representatives of the other firm looked to the men in the room.
Representative: “Why is the secretary asking all the questions?”
It took about five minutes to inform the representative that he had just cost his firm that highly lucrative contract, and she would be calling his CEO to tell him exactly how and why that went down.
Yakety Sax 17 days ago
Repeat Mis-Steaks
Customer: “I don’t eat meat.”
I wait for her to finish what she was saying. She stops talking and looks at me.
Me: “Okay. Is there something I can help you with?”
Customer: “I need to get a steak for my husband. I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Sure. Do you know what kind of steak he likes?”
Customer: “He said he likes fillets. I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Okay. I’ve got sirloin fillets and tenderloin fillets. Probably…”
Customer: “I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Both are good steaks. The tenderloin is going to be better. It’s kinda the top level for steaks.”
Customer: “I don’t eat meat.”
Me: “Let’s go with the tenderloin fillet.”
I wrap up the steak. She holds it with two fingers, like it’s a dirty diaper. She starts to walk away with a look of disgust on her face. She stops, and turns back to me.
Customer: “I don’t eat meat.”
Yakety Sax 17 days ago
Doing A Tattle When They Can’t Get A Tipple
I have just refused to sell liquor to two very young-looking teens who don’t have ID.
Me: “I’m afraid that without ID you will need to leave. Unaccompanied minors aren’t allowed in liquor stores in this state.”
They return ten minutes later with their dad.
Customer’s Dad: “You kicked out my kids for not having ID?! That’s so f****** disrespectful! They are so upset! You embarrassed and almost traumatized them by calling them out like that! Who the f*** do you think you are?!”
My customer service face cracks and I let out a little smile. One of the teens notices this.
Customer: “What’s so f****** funny?!”
Me: “Do you really think that tattling to your dad is going to convince me that you’re old enough to buy alcohol?”
Yakety Sax 17 days ago
Some of it does!
olds_cool63 17 days ago
It DOES taste like junk!
FreyjaRN Premium Member 17 days ago
Good point. Much does taste like junk.
The Reader Premium Member 17 days ago
I wish fast food was what you had to eat before undergoing medical tests!
1953Baby 17 days ago
Wish I could “like” this a thousand times. . .Other side of the coin: why can’t they make broccoli/brussels sprouts taste like CHOCOLATE?
dflak 17 days ago
My wife likes to cook. I like to eat. The system works very well. My wife is also a nurse and she is aware of good nutrition, so she can make the good stuff taste good. My problem is not with eating too much bad stuff, it’s with eating too much good stuff.
This is not to say that I don’t ever eat junk food, but when I do, I sin big. I don’t go for McDonald’s or Burger King or Wendy’s; I head for Hardees, according to the book, “Eat This – Not That” they have the most unhealthy burgers of any major chain. I used to eat there twice a year, I haven’t been back since the pandemic.
The last time I had a Big Mac, the calendar year started with 19.
I also have one donut per decade. I still have not had my 2020’s donut.
Strider Keninginne Premium Member 17 days ago
Just read the ingredients that go into your favorite junk food[s], if there’s more chemicals than actual ingredients, it goes back onto the shelf. I’m no chemical engineer, but if I need to be one just to understand what’s in Doritos, then I no longer buy Doritos.
paranormal 17 days ago
Ain’t it the truth Auntie!!! I’m on a medication that changed my tastes. The good things don’t taste good, but the stuff I shouldn’t eat taste great!
Daltongang Premium Member 17 days ago
Junk food would be easier to ignore if you had a shred of will power Aunty.
cuzinron47 17 days ago
For me junk food is food that taste like junk. Food that taste good isn’t junk.
pheets 17 days ago
Right?!
wildlandwaters 17 days ago
ya just gotta be balanced: a pound of healthy food… a pound of junk food! see? easy!
rockyridge1977 17 days ago
Eat the same food everyday for 30 days!!!!
paullp Premium Member 17 days ago
That would kind of defeat the purpose, Aunty.
EMGULS79 17 days ago
I’m convinced it was part of the curse of Eden that never got transcribed into Genesis. “And God said…because thou hast eaten of the fruit which I commanded you not to eat, that which is pleasing to the eye and palate shall bring to you obesity, malady, and early death; while the nutrition required to maintain ideal health shall be contained only in foods which ye shall find to be distasteful and a stench in your nostrils until your dying day. I, the LORD, have spoken!”