Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for August 23, 2024

What are your pronouns?

Well, Fred, I’ll meet your colon and raise you with other people’s colons and a couple of necrotising fasciitis. Bet I can put you off first!

My name is Jane, and here’s pictures of my grandchildren.

Now that the introductions are done, it’s time to order.

Brilliant!

So prior to my colonoscopy… the urologist did something that I can only describe as an invasion of my………….

I learned way too much about the waiter’s colon from that screaming kid!

Our names are Biff and Mary Anne and we’re going back home to order a pizza for delivery instead!

I thought this was a No Name Diner.

The characters are have all been introduced…. It’s show time !

lmao .. that’s more like it. Could be on a plane, too.

Oh, and I’m gonna want a 70 percent tip. Isn’t dining out wonderful?

Hi, I’m Jack. And this is Jill. We’ll be leaving now.

[Perhaps we’ll go up the hill and fetch a pail of water.]

Been there, clenched my teeth at that.

TMI folks!!!!

And off to the left is Bob. He’ll be shouting into his phone like he’s important.

I once told a woman, “I think your should dump your boyfriend” as she was talking loudly on her phone in a restaurant. She glared at me. I responded, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that was supposed to be a PRIVATE conversation.”

Is this a rerun? I know it says 2024 but I feel like I’ve seen this exact one before.

It is (a rerun).

The added benefits of hearing aids…volume controls and turned OFF.

I’d include “I’ll be sharing a video with my friends, but I know you also want to hear my daughter’s first tuba recital, so I’ll turn up the volume really high.”

One of the other patrons will call their name next and be asking for “Check, please.”

Why I’m careful choosing where and only eat out infrequently.

I feel this so much. There’s a road with nothing but medical offices which stretches for about a mile near where I work. At the end of it is a plaza with some restaurants which I’ll sometimes visit for my lunch break. Without fail, there’s always somebody there talking loudly and in great detail about the medical procedure they just went through while everybody else is trying to eat.

Fred’s always talkin’ sh!t.

Well, I’ve definitely dined at this place WAY too many times! ;-) Good weekend Folks!

I’m just glad masks are no longer required on the non-stop 14 hour trip overseas I took last time. Nobody coughed, nobody was sick and the only baby on board barely made a fuss.

yup… looks like a Perkins!

Never mind my name; I’m not eating there.