Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 30, 2024

And now you’re going to hear “Sixteen Tons” while we keep you on hold for an hour.

… that is what some rude caller named Pastis told us when we asked when we could expect a deposit to your account.

If you have vacation time saved up, you can stop working a month before you die.

I’ve long said: “Freedom 85!”

True of too many Americans who haven’t saved adequately for retirement.

You might end up working at 7-11 posthumously, Pig, not something to look forward to!

So, just hand over all that social security money you won’t be needing…

Not that rare a misconception. A lot of people think they can work till they die, not realizing that would take a lot more luck than just being able to save a few measly dollars.

This very thing happened just after Joe Biden took office : (

But never downdated.

But to make it perfectly clear, Pig….“We invested an additional $12 billion into community banks, because we know community banks are in the community, and understand the needs and desires of that community as well as the talent and capacity of community,”

Always be considerate! Give your employer two weeks’ notice before you die. Also, the custodial staff would appreciate that you don’t die on the job.

So, cmerb wants a dottering senile alzeimer-challenged nasty orange in the office?

what? you mean i dont have to save?

All I need is for Hugo Pinero to let me know when I’ll die, and I’ll retire a year before that.

It’s never too late to start saving, put away a little nest egg and watch it grow.

It can be hard to save when you are scrambling just to survive.

And some people just can’t afford to retire.

Suze Orman inspired many women.

Pretty much true for me, but I’ve inherited the family homestead and can live frugally. I see advice about saving tons of money, but it’s all directed at people who seem to think retirement includes going to Disney World or a cruise every year.

Not to worry…the government with take care of them.

Social Security is meant to be a supplemental plan for retirement. It is meant to help our elderly have dignity in old age. For some, that’s all they have and will need to work well into retirement. SS is a plan for the greater good of our Great Nation. It works.

You mean Pig doesn’t owe ACME hundreds of dollars in administrative fees?

How is it even possible to save money in a retirement plan without going into debt? ( A: Invest in “No Load” Mutual Funds )

Pig, your investments are tied to hog futures. We’ll tell you when to retire, and where to go for processing — your account.

Not quite what Moron-Stankey told me when they said, “You retired too soon.”

Working until you die has been the normal human condition for thousands & thousand of years.

Pigs don’t live long enough to retire.

“After charging you fees for managing your money, you now owe us money.”

I got out before things took a turn for the worse.