NEXT: “PBM vs WHATEVER TOM SEES AROUND HIS DESK! The Insidious STAPLER MAN! The Furious FAX MACHINE Not Used Since 2002 Man! The Malicious MEDS Tom Forgets to Take Man! So Many, SO MANY EMPTY BEER CANS, Tom Swears he has no idea how they got here, no, Man, They’re Not Mine! The BROKEN SOBBING AS ANOTHER STRIP IS CANCELLED Reverse Flash!” Tom, this is just “End times Apt3G” now. Quit while you’re behind, but not legendarily behind.
Broken but defiant, Captain America managed to say with his last breath—“Avengers—ASSEMB—” “WHOA, dude!” said Thanos. “When I said I’d bring balance to the Universe, I meant a BALANCED BREAKFAST!” Everyone stops fighting, and has 1 glass of milk, 1 glass of OJ, 1 slice of toast, and a bowl of Cookie-Ohs. All went well until the Hulk said “HULK WANT BLUEBERRY ON CEREAL!” and it all went to Heck.
Yeah, this week’s strips have had the consistency of soggy paper. You’re supposed to be writing stories, not coming up with comic book covers! What’s the furshlugginer story!?
Can this get any worse? Of course! The PBM is yet to face—Count Drekula! “He bites, he sucks, he blows! He’s the perfect Batiuk character!” What about—The Woolman! “The most sheepish villain ever! Don’t let him pull his wool over your eyes, or you’ll spend $3.99 on the premiere ish of his adventures!” And what of the very worst character—The Mommy! “Quit lying on the floor, you geriatric jerk! Clean up your bedroom or I won’t make you any more hot cocoa!”
Sheriff Jack Smith cruised slowly down Main Street. As he passed Montoni’s Pizza a figure darting from the restaurant’s glow into the dark alley nearby.
Smith stopped his cruiser, stepping out and approaching the alley with steady, unflinching steps. At the end of the alley, the shadowed figure waited, hidden beneath the dim glow of a streetlamp. As the Sheriff moved closer, the evil politician stepped forward, his face twisted in a smirk, a gleam of hatred in his eyes, and a pistol leveled at Smith’s chest.
“Well, well, Sheriff,” the politician sneered, voice low and venomous, “looks like your little chase ends here. This town is mine, and you’re nothing but a footnote in my story.”
Sheriff Smith stood his ground, unshaken. He lifted his chin, his badge glinting under the faint light. “You think you can take me down? There will always be another one of us, wearing this badge, standing up to people like you. You can shoot me, but you can’t kill the law. It’s bigger than you, bigger than any of us.”
The politician let out a dark chuckle, his laugh crackling like dead leaves in the wind. “Say your prayers, Smith. On this Hallow’s Eve, you’re getting the trick, but no treat.”
He cocked the hammer on his revolver, his finger hovering over the trigger, a look of triumph on his face. But just as he steadied his aim, a strange rustling sounded from behind him. Before he could turn, the infamous Pizza Box Monster—a towering, shifting pile of Montoni’s pizza boxes—rose up and lunged.
The boxes tumbled down on him, burying him under their weight, knocking him to the ground. The evil politician’s scream was muffled as the cardboard engulfed him, pressing him down, trapping him beneath layers of greasy, battered boxes. Sheriff Smith watched as the Pizza Box Monster completed its work, a silent force of poetic justice, smothering the last cries of a man who thought he was untouchable.
Tonight, justice had come from the most unexpected of places.
“No, even better, let’s come up with a premise for a scary story, but then maybe not even be scary, just integrate our PBM pal here with comic book characters. Then instead of telling a story let’s just draw a comic book cover on a napkin. Oh, and be sure when you draw your proposed cover it includes the publisher’s logo and a price.”
wherescrankshaft about 9 hours ago
If I were to make a Peanuts tribute strip, I would have published it today.
Anyway – Where’s Crankshaft?
billsplut about 9 hours ago
NEXT: “PBM vs WHATEVER TOM SEES AROUND HIS DESK! The Insidious STAPLER MAN! The Furious FAX MACHINE Not Used Since 2002 Man! The Malicious MEDS Tom Forgets to Take Man! So Many, SO MANY EMPTY BEER CANS, Tom Swears he has no idea how they got here, no, Man, They’re Not Mine! The BROKEN SOBBING AS ANOTHER STRIP IS CANCELLED Reverse Flash!” Tom, this is just “End times Apt3G” now. Quit while you’re behind, but not legendarily behind.
billsplut about 9 hours ago
Broken but defiant, Captain America managed to say with his last breath—“Avengers—ASSEMB—” “WHOA, dude!” said Thanos. “When I said I’d bring balance to the Universe, I meant a BALANCED BREAKFAST!” Everyone stops fighting, and has 1 glass of milk, 1 glass of OJ, 1 slice of toast, and a bowl of Cookie-Ohs. All went well until the Hulk said “HULK WANT BLUEBERRY ON CEREAL!” and it all went to Heck.
rekam Premium Member about 9 hours ago
Sure wish I could read the cartoon but I’ve got a stiff neck.
J.J. O'Malley about 8 hours ago
Yeah, this week’s strips have had the consistency of soggy paper. You’re supposed to be writing stories, not coming up with comic book covers! What’s the furshlugginer story!?
Bill Thompson about 8 hours ago
Can this get any worse? Of course! The PBM is yet to face—Count Drekula! “He bites, he sucks, he blows! He’s the perfect Batiuk character!” What about—The Woolman! “The most sheepish villain ever! Don’t let him pull his wool over your eyes, or you’ll spend $3.99 on the premiere ish of his adventures!” And what of the very worst character—The Mommy! “Quit lying on the floor, you geriatric jerk! Clean up your bedroom or I won’t make you any more hot cocoa!”
red_tape about 7 hours ago
can we quit with the neck-breaking sideways strips already? enough is enough
scote1379 Premium Member about 7 hours ago
^ ^ Chuckle ^ ^
Gent about 7 hours ago
Me doctor advise me neck surgery. OWWWW.
sbenton7684 about 6 hours ago
Please…!
bdpoltergeist Premium Member about 4 hours ago
checking out the annual swimsuit edition
Out of the Past about 3 hours ago
Thank goodness Halloween wasn’t wasted on something stupid.
Joe Cur about 3 hours ago
Pulp Fiction
Curtis Mathews about 2 hours ago
Following this strip horizontally has given me such a pain in my neck.
rockyridge1977 about 2 hours ago
…..all else fails……read!!!!
Crandlemire about 2 hours ago
Sheriff Jack Smith cruised slowly down Main Street. As he passed Montoni’s Pizza a figure darting from the restaurant’s glow into the dark alley nearby.
Smith stopped his cruiser, stepping out and approaching the alley with steady, unflinching steps. At the end of the alley, the shadowed figure waited, hidden beneath the dim glow of a streetlamp. As the Sheriff moved closer, the evil politician stepped forward, his face twisted in a smirk, a gleam of hatred in his eyes, and a pistol leveled at Smith’s chest.
“Well, well, Sheriff,” the politician sneered, voice low and venomous, “looks like your little chase ends here. This town is mine, and you’re nothing but a footnote in my story.”
Sheriff Smith stood his ground, unshaken. He lifted his chin, his badge glinting under the faint light. “You think you can take me down? There will always be another one of us, wearing this badge, standing up to people like you. You can shoot me, but you can’t kill the law. It’s bigger than you, bigger than any of us.”
The politician let out a dark chuckle, his laugh crackling like dead leaves in the wind. “Say your prayers, Smith. On this Hallow’s Eve, you’re getting the trick, but no treat.”
He cocked the hammer on his revolver, his finger hovering over the trigger, a look of triumph on his face. But just as he steadied his aim, a strange rustling sounded from behind him. Before he could turn, the infamous Pizza Box Monster—a towering, shifting pile of Montoni’s pizza boxes—rose up and lunged.
The boxes tumbled down on him, burying him under their weight, knocking him to the ground. The evil politician’s scream was muffled as the cardboard engulfed him, pressing him down, trapping him beneath layers of greasy, battered boxes. Sheriff Smith watched as the Pizza Box Monster completed its work, a silent force of poetic justice, smothering the last cries of a man who thought he was untouchable.
Tonight, justice had come from the most unexpected of places.
lanainutahdesert about 2 hours ago
Please stop.
Mopman about 1 hour ago
“Let’s tell ghost stories!”
“No, even better, let’s come up with a premise for a scary story, but then maybe not even be scary, just integrate our PBM pal here with comic book characters. Then instead of telling a story let’s just draw a comic book cover on a napkin. Oh, and be sure when you draw your proposed cover it includes the publisher’s logo and a price.”
“Genius!”
lemonbaskt about 1 hour ago
friday in a crossover pizza box monster vs summer mummy and jimmy winner gets a ham helmet