Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for December 10, 2024

The fruitcake is the one pulling the sword (for those who weren’t quite sure).

As Founder and CEO of the National Fruitcake Anti-Defamation League, I protest!!

(Lifetime memberships available, $50 US. No checks.)

The fruitcake takes the sword, I mean cake.

Some people say that fruitcake is edible unless it has citron in it.

Hundreds and hundreds of years shall pass with no victor. Except the cake.

That sword ain’t comin’ out.

Fruitcake so dense that nothing can escape it. Once something crosses the event horizon and enters the interior of the fruitcake, nothing can bring it back.

What do you get if you pull it out?

Oh take a bite out of it. The jaws are mightier than the sword.

Big deal. Ninja Sloth just pull it out and put it back in too before you was knews it.

Bigger Question! How did they get the sword Into the fruitcake?

How about “The Candy Cane and the Stone”?

Maximum list (Victorian times). Quarter farthingThird farthingHalf farthingFarthingHa’pennyPenny1 1/2 PenceTuppenceThruppenceGroatSixpenceNinepenceShillingFlorinHalf CrownDouble FlorinCrownQuadruple FlorinDouble Crown/ Half SovereignSovereignGuinea (not minted, but used for accounts until the 1960’s) Double SovereignFive Sovereign

Ten and Twenty Pound pieces were planned but never issued (though patterns exist.)

Try pouring a gallon of hot coffee on the fruitcake to soften it up.

Although it seems like an awful waste of coffee just to become king of England.

Stone? Feh! This is is the game difficulty turned up to hard mode.

Not all fruitcakes are alike! He traveled far and wide to attempt this and failed miserably!

This cartoon takes the cake.

I had a homemade fruitcake made by a former co-worker. I was afraid to eat it, having heard all kinds of bad things and bad jokes about them. It was really good! I am a very picky eater, but I liked that fruitcake. I never tried another.

A man of his caliber will soon become a man of ex-caliber.

Just when he pulls it out, there will be a new fruitcake next year.

The Lady in the Lake took it back and washed off the fruitcake.

Obviously the royal kitchen failed to properly cure their fruitcake for a month with rum soaked muslin cloth!

my wife used to make the real mccoy, and it was to die for! (no candy garbage in it… real dried fruit pieces, rum, whole grains, chopped nuts… I’m salivating as I type! Lol!)

Fruitcakes = EVIL.

Instead of “Cake or Death?” what if it was “Fruitcake or Death”?

Hey! Who are you calling a…

Love it! Absolutely priceless! Yeah, the stone would’ve been tons easier to pull the sword out of..